Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not really celebrating Christmas?

115 replies

rosesareredvioletsareblueaimverytiredandsoareyou · 18/09/2024 09:09

Anyone else considering just 'not really doing' Christmas this year? We've always been pretty low key but done presents for DS and had a meal etc. I've never really enjoyed the whole experience that much, but liked to see DS happy. I had happy childhood Christmas times, mainly just with close family, but I realise how draining it was for mum looking back. DS is older now, he actually got his main present from us early last year (he was there to buy it to ensure it was the right one and so we just let him have it early), and has no issue not getting presents on 'the big day'. We're also in the process of decorating and hopefully upgrading the heating soon, so any 'extra' energy I have will be geared towards all that entails! I'm not expecting others to all agree with this approach - I am more interested in those who also do low key/no celebration, there's plenty of threads to talk about big Christmas celebrations elsewhere (feel free to vote though).
AIBU:
YABU - Bah Humbug, you sad eejit, you must celebrate!
YANBU - Low key/no celebration works for/appeals to me - there's better things to spend money on!

OP posts:
ItTook9Years · 18/09/2024 15:50

lissom · 18/09/2024 13:37

honestly the only thing stopping me just going off AWOL somewhere is literally only the guilt that it would damage the kids and be upsetting for my Mum.

Christmas was traumatic year on year for me as a child.

As an adult I’ve opted out.

rosesareredvioletsareblueaimverytiredandsoareyou · 18/09/2024 15:55

ItTook9Years · 18/09/2024 15:50

Christmas was traumatic year on year for me as a child.

As an adult I’ve opted out.

Sorry to hear that. Christmas definitely isn't always a happy time for everyone. 😔

OP posts:
ItTook9Years · 18/09/2024 15:56

OnBoardTheHeartOfGold · 18/09/2024 14:30

I agree with this and this is what it's become. On the other hand, it's a ritual and rituals are part of human nature.
You could say everything we do is brainwashing. Our whole existence follows rituals, traditions and social constructs.
Sometimes it's easy to follow things because everyone else is following it and it just makes it easier to get together with people and share an occasion.

Balls to that. Not everyone is following it, actually. I used to work over Xmas, my sister still does. My parents lived abroad in a Muslim country with no time off at Xmas. So we just got together when we could, during the winter, and had a nice meal. DH does the same with his family.

The “it’s just a roast” people don’t understand. It’s probably one of 2 roasts I cook during the year. It’s so rare for me to have the time to properly cook that I go all out and make enough to have leftovers for a week.

I’ve found at previous workplaces that you’re not “allowed” to not like Xmas. The cajoling is horrific. I now work with a Jehovah’s Witness so it’s not happening this year because they know that no means no.

tarmum · 18/09/2024 16:05

cheapskatemum · 18/09/2024 09:49

It's interesting to read so many responses to get a balance! I absolutely love Christmas. No small kids here, but 4 grown sons & DH who all come back home on the day & usually a day or 2 either side, depending on their work. So basically a family time in which we indulge in Christmas traditions, such as singing carols round the tree in the town centre on Christmas Eve, which happens to be a stone's throw from the pub, where we might pop in for a drink afterwards. Christmas stockings, a few presents round the tree to be opened at various times throughout Christmas Day, church, breakfast martinis, big turkey dinner with all the trimmings, crackers with their silly jokes & hats, Christmas cake with cheese, mince pies &/or Christmas pudding when we have room in our tummies to eat again. Christmas TV. Boxing Day walk & eating the leftovers with roast gammon in a sandwich.
I think we're providing happy memories for DCs & I think they'll carry on the traditions.

You pretty much described our Christmas too! But we do it like that because like it! I love the traditions and feel really pleased that both my adult children (25 and 30) do too. It will change, they will want to do stuff with partners etc and that’s fine too. I did try to change it up a couple of years ago and take us all away for Christmas. They were horrified! Guess I will have to wait until they start their own traditions! What’s important is to remember there is no ‘perfect’ Christmas. It’s whatever works for you!

CocoapuffPuff · 18/09/2024 16:12

I've realised reading this thread is that the reason we prefer low key is the noise.
I feel attacked by Christmas noise from early November onwards. I truly loathe it, and the flashing lights.
Reason? I'm autistic and have epilepsy. I am effectively unable to go to shops for 2 months because of this assault on my senses. Add a big family day to the mix and you'd find me sobbing in the car, having driven myself away to the nearest lonely spot to grab a breather.
Just typing that raised my heart rate. So whilst I love that others get joy from it all, the experience brings me misery and the only solution is click and collect, noise cancelling earphones and time alone to decompress.

Ella31 · 18/09/2024 17:22

My twin boys died in November last year. One stillborn and my other little man 4 days later in the NICU. Dh and I hopped on a plane December 24th and ran away to Spain to escape Christmas. I'm newly pregnant again 10 months later. Hoping I'll be standing around a Christmas tree this December with pictures of my sons and a growing bump. Christmas can be so hard so I totally get why some ppl want to escape and also why it doesn't have to be the be all and end all for others.
Either way, I hope everyone here has peace and happiness this year. It's all that matters really.

MeAgainAndAgain · 18/09/2024 17:48

I vary on how many Christmassy things I do. When the kids were younger they’d have stockings, presents, that kind of thing. We’d have a tree if I remembered or got round to it or could afford it, but if not, that was fine.

They always gave and received cards at primary school, but no one did it at secondary school.

We’ve never gone ice skating or to the panto or that kind of event, none of us have ever seen that as something worth making an effort for.

Dinner was whatever they wanted - anything from beans on toast to some proper cooked thing that they’d enjoyed recently. Plenty of mince pies though.

Decorations - yes if I got round to it, no if I didn’t. No one minded either way.

Now they’ve grown up and mostly left home, I’m looking forward to a Christmas alone, all by myself, lonely and sobbing into my dressing gown or as I prefer to call it, full control of the remote control and contents of the fridge. It will be bliss! As usual, the starring role will be given to the Radio Times and the red felt tip 🤣.

I’ve worked many Christmases and the thought of one just quietly enjoying it at home makes me happy.

All the stories about awful relatives make me shudder. There is no reason things have to be done a week on Tuesday because the diary says a week on Tuesday is the day to do it. You can do it a week on Thursday if you prefer, or three weeks on Monday. Or in four days time. When I hear about people making sure so-and-so is visited or brought back for a meal because ‘it’s cruel to leave them alone at this time of year’ I just can’t get past thinking ‘well if you were more consistent throughout the year they might not feel so alone on that one day’. Or ‘what’s wrong with calling shitty relatives out on their shitty behaviour?’ I’m happy to have low expectations and to let everyone know it’s a relaxed time for me.

What I absolutely love is the radio and television around Christmas. The Carols from Kings, the Festival of Nine Lessons, the Christmas specials, the Eastenders arguments around the dinner table (although whatever they do this year will never top what happened last year), and Radio 4 always seem to have some palate cleansing things to counteract everything, some plain and simple drama or serial. I think the radio and tv is the only thing I’d miss about Christmas to be honest.

MeAgainAndAgain · 18/09/2024 17:52

Oh my goodness @Ella31 I’m so sorry. I didn’t see your post, I think I spent too long writing mine. I’m glad you found some relief going away for some time.

You are right, peace and happiness is all anyone can wish for.

I wish you and your husband all the peace and happiness going forward.

rosesareredvioletsareblueaimverytiredandsoareyou · 18/09/2024 18:10

@Ella31 I'm so sorry for your loss, that must be incredibly hard for you. Good luck with your new pregnancy. 💐

OP posts:
grandplan · 18/09/2024 19:05

I'm the same this year and i'm not bothered either. Its going to be a lovely day with my 2 dc and husband. Were going to do what we like and i will not be entertaining others. People can come over but i wont be cooking or entertaining.

Its become a one massive to do list for mums.

Family are doing secret santa. Friends dont bother with presents.

Kendodd · 18/09/2024 19:25

JaninaDuszejko · 18/09/2024 15:05

Sorry to hijack the thread but there are a few comments like this and they really annoy me.

I love Christmas and don't really understand how it's stressful, I'm about as far from a perfectionist as you could get though so I'm sure that helps.

Surely you know not everyone has the option to have a quiet Christmas or does more than host a single meal. This was my Christmas last year.

  1. DH and I work FT and have 3DC. Work always is extra busy in the run up to Christmas
  2. Each child had at least two musical performances or activity related Christmas parties that we had to attend in December. That's in addition to their normal weekly activities which only stop between Christmas and New Year.
  3. We had 3 relatives visiting for 10 days over Christmas (this is a small number, we once had 7 extra people in the house for a week over Christmas). These relatives live very rurally so wanted to do things they can't normally do like go to various Christmas pantos, shows and events and go shopping the week before Christmas in a city centre so we were taking them out most days.
  4. DD1 has her birthday between Christmas and New Year and so had a party with 8 friends staying over for a sleepover between Christmas and New Year.
  5. we are Scottish and so always have a Hogmanay Party. We had (different to the ones above) 5 relatives staying the night. So in total we had 16 different extra people staying overnight in the house over the Christmas period. I was washing sheets until February.

Of course hosting so many people for so long is expensive and stressful but it's the stage of life we are at and we're more able to cope with the expense and stress than the retired generation (who would be the ones who would be expected to do it on one side at least). We had quieter Christmases when the DC were small and we lived in a smaller house and will no doubt have quieter Christmases in the future. I just make sure I have time off in January to recover.

Edited

Actually your Christmas sounds very similar to mine (pre covid). I also have three kids, in three consecutive school years. We both work full time as well. Multiple relatives and a couple of friends used to come stay with us from other parts of the country because we have the biggest house and had the only children. We also host a couple of parties over Christmas/new year. I didn't find it stressful. It was great and I miss it that not so many people come anymore. We still have our parties though. I don't know why it should annoy you that I think it's easy and nothing to be stressed about.

rosesareredvioletsareblueaimverytiredandsoareyou · 18/09/2024 19:27

Kendodd · 18/09/2024 19:25

Actually your Christmas sounds very similar to mine (pre covid). I also have three kids, in three consecutive school years. We both work full time as well. Multiple relatives and a couple of friends used to come stay with us from other parts of the country because we have the biggest house and had the only children. We also host a couple of parties over Christmas/new year. I didn't find it stressful. It was great and I miss it that not so many people come anymore. We still have our parties though. I don't know why it should annoy you that I think it's easy and nothing to be stressed about.

I don't think people are annoyed that you don't find it stressful, more some folk assuming that nobody should find it stressful. We all enjoy different things.

OP posts:
Kendodd · 18/09/2024 19:38

ItTook9Years · 18/09/2024 12:08

Given it was stolen by Christians in the first place, maybe we’ve just gone back to our pagan roots!

That's what I always say!
The pagans have taken it back Grin

Ella31 · 18/09/2024 20:40

rosesareredvioletsareblueaimverytiredandsoareyou · 18/09/2024 18:10

@Ella31 I'm so sorry for your loss, that must be incredibly hard for you. Good luck with your new pregnancy. 💐

Aw thanks and best of luck with your Christmas, whatever version you choose to do. A lesson I learnt is, do whatever makes you happy and don't justify yourself to anyone. Really interesting thread too.

OnBoardTheHeartOfGold · 18/09/2024 22:16

@ItTook9Years when I said everyone is following it, I meant those that you want to share the ritual with. Usually they'll have the day free to participate in it so the date is set.
If you don't want to join in,don't. A lot of people from my culture don't and they're definitely not worse off for it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page