Not really celebrating Christmas?

[rosesareredvioletsareblueaimverytiredandsoareyou]

Anyone else considering just 'not really doing' Christmas this year? We've always been pretty low key but done presents for DS and had a meal etc. I've never really enjoyed the whole experience that much, but liked to see DS happy. I had happy childhood Christmas times, mainly just with close family, but I realise how draining it was for mum looking back. DS is older now, he actually got his main present from us early last year (he was there to buy it to ensure it was the right one and so we just let him have it early), and has no issue not getting presents on 'the big day'. We're also in the process of decorating and hopefully upgrading the heating soon, so any 'extra' energy I have will be geared towards all that entails! I'm not expecting others to all agree with this approach - I am more interested in those who also do low key/no celebration, there's plenty of threads to talk about big Christmas celebrations elsewhere (feel free to vote though).
AIBU:
YABU - Bah Humbug, you sad eejit, you must celebrate!
YANBU - Low key/no celebration works for/appeals to me - there's better things to spend money on!

I only ‘do’ Christmas Day for the benefit of my elderly parents. I do a nice meal but not a roast (they both dislike a roast dinner) and we buy small presents for each other.

I have a great circle of friends but decline all Christmas meets, drinks, parties (especially the work party!) and meals - I find it a deeply depressing time and just white knuckle through December. I ADORE New Years Day when it’s all over!

Do the Christmas you want.

Very lowkey for us also. There's only me and DD and since we had to downsize two years ago, the flat we now live in is too small to do our usual Christmas feast. We don't even have a proper dining table anymore. Yet there's always a real tree with lights and my precious baubles (some of which belonged to my grandparents). We have candles everywhere and an advent wreath, and I still decorate the framed pictures and mirrors with sprigs of holly and mistletoe. We have baked ham instead of turkey and Christmas pud with brandy which I flambé. And music! Lots of carols and songs.

Christmas is always low key here. I do feel people do what they want to do these days.

I'm amazed at how many posters have said they don't really celebrate Christmas then go on to list doing all the lovely things you have. Yours sounds like a brilliant Christmas. If this isn't celebrating Christmas to you, then what does celebrating Christmas look like? Is it a religious thing I wonder? Without the religious element it doesn't count as celebrating Christmas?
I'm not religious at all btw. I am white British though so culturally Christian and I do love a Christmas Carol service 😀

That's lovely of you to take on board your parents feelings and do it for them - my mum lives 300 miles away and isn't huge on the big meal etc, but my sister invites her over to celebrate. I like the New Year too, I always feel optimistic with the start of January (though appreciate some folk don't). 😁

Prime example of what I was saying. Your Christmas sounds lovely!

I used to go all out but my kids are older now, still at home but the older get money and a token gift, the youngest 15, get 1 main present and a few stocking fillers. I used to stock all the cupboards, all the nice goodies, all the decs up and the full works Christmas meal every year. Year before last, eldest didn't come out of his room as he was hungover, the other 2 came out, opened presents, went back to room. I had enough food and leftovers for a week. This year we are having a wreath on the door and the tree (I will still do stockings as I like the tradition). Last year the same and they had practically finished their dinner before I sat down. They won't even let me do the Christmas PJ's anymore after years of traditions.

But, we will be having a Sunday dinner this year and I will be defrosting a chocolate cheesecake. No one wants a starter. There will be crackers on the table 😂. I will then be opening one of the bottles of wine I will have chilled and will be watching the Christmas soaps and Gavin & Stacey finale with a box of chocolates and a box of tissues at the ready in my Christmas PJ's and Christmas novelty slippers I get every year off the MIL.

But there's no reason at all why Christmas needs to be either stressful or expensive. I mean, it's not a choice between (1) some kind of commercialised extravaganza of having Lapland visits, a giant dinner and presents for 30 in a house dripping with fake icicles and inflatable Santas, and and (2) being all 'Bah, humbug!' over a single cheese sandwich.

I would say we've been traditionally fairly low-key in the sense that we never did Father Christmas as literally real, and when DS was little we lived in a different country to all our families, and DH's job always involved working on Boxing Day, so it was just the three of us with a tree, presents, racing those clockwork Santas, a nice meal, Christmas films etc.

These days, the things I enjoy are generally free or inexpensive -- a tree, some holly, a small solstice celebration at a stone circle, the Christmas morning swim at a local beach, the Festival of Nine Carols and Lessons on Christmas Eve, some extra-nice meals, watching old films, seeing friends and family. But in a very low-key way. Other than for 12 year old DS (who adores Christmas), presents are pretty token.

I'm not doing it this year. I don't have any close family or children, and split up with my partner this year. I usually go to friends but it's so full on, and overwhelming that I find it extremely difficult. I have been away before on group trips which have been really good but you do really need long-haul which I can't afford this year. Ironically, I am catholic (not a very good one!) but Christmas does have meaning for me that way. This year I've decided to stay at home, eat something nice, read, walk, and count down the days to 2025. I miss my lost nuclear family so much, and volunteering or spending it with friends just doesn't make that any easier. For me, the whole thing is something just to endure and get through.

Always just dh and I on Xmas day...just how we like it. We see adult dcs before Xmas.
Never cook a traditional dinner...we either go out walking, go to the pub or just chill.
Dh has gc who we see Xmas eve morning. We go out to the theatre in the run up, go to London and generally have fun. But don't decorate the house, do cards or buy Xmas food

I'm not sure I said that it's stress or expense which stops me having a big celebration, though that might be a factor for others.

Very low key, just my (three decades older) husband and me.
When on my own, I won't bother at all.
Christmas has lost its meaning long time ago.

I'm sorry it's hard for you. I hope you find some joy in the small things you have planned. 💐

TBH ‘celebrating’ or not can often have very little to do with religion nowadays. For many people it’s an updated version of the old pagan Midwinter Festival - food, drink, warmth (the Yule Log), making merry….

But even if it’s basically that, quite a few people still enjoy a 🎄 Eve crib service with the children, traditional carols, etc.

You can do it (or not) however you like. And despite what many like to say, absolutely nobody has to buy into extreme commercialism/excess - huge piles of presents for children, too much food that will be wasted, etc.

Thanks again for the replies - just want to extend a gentle hug to any of those of you who find Christmas (even speaking about it) hard, for whatever reason. Be kind to yourselves. 💐💐💐

@Kendodd Yes I guess I mean that we're not from a Christian background and we'd be fine if we did nothing but that just seems miserable, seeing as we all have time off in our family.
We don't have the stress of gifts though I do like to buy a few bits for the kids. Just stocking fillers I guess.

Mine live 150 miles away so I head to them from the 23rd to the 26th. If I didn’t do it, it would be just another day for them. The irony of wishing it was just another day for me is not lost!

Pretty low key, I used to often work on Christmas Day for a few hours when my dc were younger. My dc usually work that day too, nowadays (hospitality, good pay on Christmas Day!). I really much prefer Christmas Eve.

A few years ago, exH came up with the ‘great Christmas charity shop competition.’ He buys a few items of clothing and gifts them to family members. We then have a lot of fun trying the various items on and possibly swopping things with each other (we’ve been separated for a few years but have always got together as a family for a few hours on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day at some point. We both now have new partners so they’re there too, now. Often, exH mum and sister, as well.)

I usually make up stockings for our teen dc consisting of essentials: socks, pants, deodorant, face creams and some biscuits and sweets. I haven’t cooked for years. Last year we were at my boyfriend’s parents on Christmas Day, If I did cook, I would just do a normal Sunday roast. I very much enjoy a Christmas market, a Christmas ice rink and seeing Christmas lights but I’ve always disliked the hype and commercialisation. Low key is far more magical in my view, and for me it’s just completely about spending time with those I love the most in the world.

I agree with this.

It doesn't have to be all out and you can give your DS lovely Xmas childhood memories he can look back on in the same way you look back on yours on a low key/low budget.

The real decider for me would be what DS would like. If he'd be a little disappointed to have nothing to open, not even a token gift + no decorations etc, then I'd make the effort for him.

I love Christmas & so does my DD. She is an only child so I've tried to do little traditions that she will remember growing up - we always get a hot chocolate & go for a late drive on Xmas eve to see all the lights. Doesn't cost much but we both love it. The idea of an empty house on Christmas when she's older makes me feel really sad. I would love a house full of kids & relatives/grandkids one day. I've lost both of my parents so I try to enjoy all the little things that I remember & make it special for her. I have friends who don't really celebrate though & that's great for them.

I like the lead up to Xmas such as seeing decorations in the shops, carols, watching Xmas movies and the feel in the air that the end of the year is coming. But I could happily skip the actual day. Family drama is the main reason.

My DS isn't really a child any more tbh (he's closer to the top end than the bottom of not even being a teenager)- I definitely made more effort when he was younger. He will get a gift, he's not hard done by in any way!

We're doing low key again this year - I'm staying home with my 2 daughters; few presents each, dinner of our choosing (as we all hate roast dinners), matching pyjamas and some board games / computer games - then when the youngest is in bed we're going to watch Eastenders & the Gavin & Stacey special

Christmas gets all this hype with everyone screaming "family" when realistically it's another day - just with presents - and family you usually hate and wouldn't see lol 😂

You're right that any time of year can be for family and togetherness etc, but Christmas just feels different. Work stops for many people, so availability is better and whether right or wrong, Christmas is the excuse people need to drive 4 hours to see family or play silly games or eat chocolate for breakfast. Christmas is a feeling, not just an event. I also don't focus everything on the 'big day.' I prefer early December with lights festooning houses, a cheeky mince pie mid morning, listening to carols etc. When my DC leave home and are possibly living far away, I hope our family's love of Christmas and traditions will bring us together at this time of year. Other times too of course, but Christmas is often the motivator to make family plans.

@halfacider I need an excuse to eat choccie for breakfast? 🫣