Comment from nursery staff

[ThatGutsyHedgehog]

I overheard a comment through the door of the nursery I was collecting my son from (he’s currently doing settling sessions) before I return to work after Christmas.

It was lunch time and I heard a member of staff say sternly “Child’s name that’s not your mummy stop crying sit down and eat your dinner”.
The child was in the same room as my son so must’ve been younger than 2 and a half.

I just felt this was a bit harsh to a small child who was missing their mum and now I’m worried about my son going to the nursery.

DH feels I’m over thinking it and maybe they were stressed and it was a one off comment.

AIBU?

Yes you are it’s not a big deal
No your not I would be concerned

I wouldn’t like it either.

Would not like that either. Would not send my child there.

This would have upset me too, OP.

I would not be happy at all.

Poor little kid.

I wouldn’t like that at all and wouldn’t feel comfortable sending my DC after hearing that. Do you have other options?

That would have me looking elsewhere

This is strange. 72% think you’re being unreasonable but 100% of the comments say you are not. FWIW I’d be worried but it might depend on the tone in which this was said

I would definitely not send my child there & I'd so report what I'd heard to management.
These kids are too young to speak up for themselves & there are too many incidents of 'carers' not being nice to kids in their care.

I think you are being unreasonable children need boundaries especially at meal times they will have a number of children to get fed and supervised at lunch if everyone was running around screaming and shouting you’d be writing an AIBU for that.

No. They're so little, they should be treated with compassion and kindness.

Honestly, I wouldn't take my son back there and he's nearly 4. Definitely not at 2.

I’d also ask to speak to the manager and ask if that manner of speaking to toddlers is acceptable.

I took my daughter out of a preschool because she told me they had told her to stop crying and hadn’t been kind. She was only two but I completely believed her.

follow your instinct, op.

That so sad, I just think it’s horrible to think of someone being so unkind to a crying child who is looking for their mummy. It takes such a special kind of person to work with young children and it’s such a vitally important job to get right.

If it's the 84th time someone has come to the door and this child has started run to the door crying then it's understandable the staff said that. Sometimes you need to be firm.

Yes, unlimited kindness and patience might seem lovely- but

A. nursery practitioners are underpaid in a stressful job. You will not get perfection.

B. You also need to understand how corporate groups of children are expected to behave. Behavioural expectations aren't wrong. In this case, the expectation is that the child won't run to the door every time someone comes in (especially during eating).

Depends on tone really ,but it's an OK remark.

I'm with you here @PrincessOfPreschool I don't know how anybody works in a nursery for the wages they pay and the hours they have to work.

But context is key and OP has no way to determine what the situation is from the interaction she overheard. It wouldn't put me off but I'd be a little bit wary until my child got settled.

Has no one ever told their own child to stop crying? It depends a lot on context but on its own it is hardly terrible. Looking after lots of kids is very different to looking after just one. Sometimes firm but kind is the right tone. Not every cry would get the same reaction.

Does your DH think it's fine because he talks the same way?

When has anyone who is crying ever been calmed down by someone telling them to stop crying?

@alpacachino
Exactly. Add in being told that it’s not your mummy makes it worse.

You haven't heard the lead up to the comment OP. That child might have been chucking their food on the floor the last few mins having a tantrum because they'd rather have a chocolate bar. In which case id sympathise with a nursery worker being a bit unsympathetic and irate. This isnt a baby, toddlers aged between 2 and 3 can be right little so and so's and yes some of them absolutely know when they shouldn't be doing something - they are pushing buttons to find out where the boundary is a nursery worker is firmly telling them.
Or maybe the nursery worker is being unneccessarily unkind to an upset young child having had a bad nights sleep, and that's perhaps a bit unprofessional.
You just don't know.

I'd say it was a common thing to hear in nurseries as I've worked in a couple. But I don't necessarily think it's right. I wouldn't do it.

To tell the truth, I don't believe anyone can care for that many children every day and be sweet and loving and 'kind' 100% of the time. There will be days when nerves are frazzled, the kids are incredibly annoying (yes, even the very young ones), and the adults speak a bit more harshly than you might think is ideal.

If that's the worst thing you know about the nursery, I wouldn't worry. You can obviously move your child to another place because of this one comment, but even if you never happen to overhear it, I'd assume the same type of thing happens everywhere, on occasion.