Skinny shaming is so accepted

[chickenbhunalambbhunaprawnbhunamuchroomrice]

I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this, but skinny shaming is so wildly accepted and tolerated due to slim people being at an advantage due to their body size. As if it's acceptable, because they're slim. I've been body shamed my whole life for being slim. Right from when I was at junior school, to now at 30 years old.

I was relentlessly bullied at school and college. I am not an anomaly, I am a 5'5 size 6-8 female with a normal BMI. I don't need to be shamed about my body. The only people who have ever shamed or bullied me about my weight have been fat or obese people. And I'll be honest I'm trying my hardest not to judge them for their eating habits and size, but when it's a running theme I am starting to think that only fat people have a problem with slim people.

'Skinny privilege' shouldn't be an excuse to exempt bullying and shameful behaviour.
Stop trying to normalise skinny shaming just because it's the 'more desirable' image. It's not our fault that agenda has been pushed so much.

AIBU to think that skinny shaming is just as bad as fat shaming, and that slim people aren't to an advantage on this? I don't believe in the whole 'well at least you're skinny and being shamed.' Interested to know others thoughts.

I know why you're confused. Because fat women will be called awful names when recovering from illness. Because fat women will have experienced mockery and laughter when getting changed. Because fat women will have been told they're putting their unborn baby at risk because of their greed and laziness and that they aren't fit to be a mother. It's dreadful, truly dreadful for those things to happen to a slim person or a fat person or any person at all.

But the fat woman who's lived through all of that probably won't feel proud and happy about her body at the end of it.

Like a PP I'm not sure if some posters are realistic about how skinny some of us have been or are.

I am 5"6" and it took me until I was 28 to reach 7st. I did not have an ED, I didn't even really exercise, I had a healthy appetite, I was just naturally very very skinny, and very fine boned.

I was torn to shreds for years. At school in 6th year I was 5st. I was called a boy, a child, a turn off, a skeleton, not a real woman.

There were no shops where I could buy clothes, my mum luckily could sew so she took in almost all of my clothes. I recently found a bag of things I wore in 6th form and now at 8st finally in my mid 40s they mostly still fit so obviously they were hanging off me then.

I no longer think I am skinny, slim but shapeless I would say now.

At university noone was jealous of my figure I didn't have one. I was straight up and down, had a concave arse, no hips, no boobs and looked like a bag of bones.

When I started work all the women in the office, who were mostly a normal 10 or 12 were constantly on diets. They made me eat my lunch standing up in the kitchen. Not at my desk like everyone else as I was "off-putting".

I've been treated as childlike, or talked down to, not taken as seriously as other more "normal" looking women.

My 17 year old nephew is now going through the same thing, genetics! And I feel awful for him, kids have possibly found more ways to be cruel.

@SixNewThreads I'm so sorry for what your daughter is going through. No one should ever have to go through that. The amount of discrediting on this thread proves my point. Why should she have to 'accept it?' She shouldn't. I'll always advocate that skinny shaming is a thing, because it is. No matter how loud the 'fat shaming is worse' drum is being banged.

Sure, but that doesn’t make it any less rude, hurtful or embarrassing.

@Comedycook I already answered this and I will answer similarly again. When I was fat and I felt awful, to be honest most people were nice to me. My boyfriend would tell me he loved me no matter what. My daughter would tell me I looked nice. People at work would share cakes and stuff with me and we would all eat them and chat and it was nice and social. I had a few incidents of being paranoid someone was looking at me or judging me, in the gym or if I wore something I worried was unflattering but no one said things to my face. I would get uncomfortable in a plane seat but no one said anything to my face. I felt like a burden to society and I felt embarrassed about it. I had one ex who liked to tell me I was fat to hurt my feelings, but I know if it wasn’t my weight it would have been something else he was just nasty and cruel. I didn’t even feel insulted when my GP told me to lose weight as I agreed I was 16st and probably did need to lose it. The GP wasn’t horrible to me about it either. I didn’t get any comments or notice looks from snooty shop assistants. I was a 16-18 and when I looked around, a lot of women were similar size to me so I didn’t feel out of place to be honest. I would see mean comments on celebrity photos about their weight and I have seen a lot of talk online about American women and fat phobia. I ONCE was out at a shop a few years ago and some teenage lads shouted ‘better get to weight watchers love!’ And this upset me. Generally day to day I did not get any abuse or nasty comments. I just felt very self conscious.

But I got diabetes and losing weight was the most obvious choice for me to make, so I did lose many stones in weight over a long period of time.

I come to work now and every single day someone will say one of the following:
‘you aren’t losing more weight are you?’
’do you eat anything?’
‘wow that’s a small portion’
‘I bet you don’t eat carbs’
‘Do you have much loose skin?’
’your face has changed a lot, I wouldn’t lose anymore weight if I was you’
’oh are you a fussy eater now? You need to fatten up’
‘just eat the cake.. will put meat on your bones’
‘you are getting too skinny’
‘there is nothing of you!’
’see I don’t want to lose weight as my face/boobs will sag like yours’
‘are you obsessive about your food?’

some variation of this

I also was on a tube a few months ago and had to get off as a creepy man was staring at me and made me so uncomfortable. I also went to London a few weeks ago and a man followed me around Stratford (i was wearing tight clothes). I’ve also had women look me up and down with a sneer if I was to wear something tight fitting.

I also know I upset my friend as I have a thigh gap and she pointed it out in a gym class and she said it in a way that made me realise how much my body shape upsets her so now I don’t wear leggings during that class I wear something loose fitting. I am still having to adapt to make other people feel comfortable

I do not feel like I can wear what I want anymore, and I can’t eat in front of people now as they make comments, I also feel so self conscious of my face and put more make up on than I ever did and am considering fillers and Botox.

I am not happier than I was when I was fat, I am just healthier as I am no longer diabetic. People are not nicer to my face.

Im aware I can go into an expensive designer shop and pick up something and it will fit but first that’s not important to me and second I can’t afford that anyway.

my privilege is that I do not need extra plane seats, I won’t get nagged by my GP anymore. I could probably find a new man more easily than I previously could based on looks not personality. But I am not asking for any of those things so the confusion here is not that I don’t agree fat phobia is real - it is, but that it’s not necessarily an idyllic happy perfect life to be thin. It isn’t. It’s still shit being a woman and you are fair game for the comments

Really? Everytime I go shopping there are loads of 6 and 8s but they are usually out 10s and 12s which I would need. Zara is always coming down with extra smalls! My friend who is a similar size to you gets the best bargains in sales because there is so much leftover stock in her size.

There are never any size 10’s when I go shopping either

I have realised that for most people, the size that is sold out (clothes and shoes) is the size that you are looking for!

Thanks. She also has to fend off ‘accusations’ of eating disorders. And she feels like the more she defends herself the less people believe her. It’s tough as a young 20y old with no confidence who wants to keep stuff private.. Her kidneys don’t work properly. That’s not her fault.

Nobody should have to explain why they are fat or thin to anyone. Their weight is nobody’s business and anyone thinking it’s ok to insult someone like that is not somebody I would want to know.

If you are noticeably: thin, tall, short, fat, ugly, beautiful, bald, stupid, clever or whatever then some prick somewhere is gonna have something to say about it.

It'd be nice if people didn't focus on these things, or comment on them at least, but the reality of life being that if you're at all persistently unusual, and even worse, in a traditionally negative way (short, fat, ugly) then you need to stop giving a shit really unless you want a life of giving a shit.

Many examples given here are outrageously insulting, insensitive and rude, but people that are rude like that are simply not nice people, they'll be getting stuck into whatever it is about you that's different

All my life my size 22 mother has referred to me as 'Skinny bitch', and not in an affectionate, jokey way.

Yes it’s annoying but apparently ok. I’m tall with a small frame and carry weight well so I look as if I’m a lot thinner than I actually am and I get this all the time.

People are always trying to get me to eat more than I want to and it is a form of bullying. I don’t have a sweet tooth and refusing cake and other ‘treats’ is because I simply don’t like them. If I have a salad then the comments are along the lines of “thats why you are so thin, you should have something more than that”. No that’s just the type of food I enjoy.

I wouldn’t dream of saying anything if I saw someone either tucking into or refusing a slice of cake. Their food choices and the physical consequences are their business not mine but it’s apparently ok to comment on mine because I appear thin.

They never have the size you are looking for. It doesn’t matter what size you are.

10s and 12s sell out because more people are these sizes. I often see 8s, rarely 6s or smaller.

Try saying to fat people to eat less and move more and see where that gets you
A smack in the mouth probably

It's said all the time...the entire diet industry is built on it. Endless TV shows are made on it. The magazines are full of it. The adverts on the telly. Fat people are told all the time to eat less and move more.

If being thin was genuinely so distressing and difficult to change, then why is there not an equivalent industry or coverage in the media

@TheLever that sounds like the people around you really didn't want you losing the weight and were undermining you at every turn. I don't find it surprising though that no-one commented on you at a size 16-18, no-one has ever commented on me at that size as it is not 'fat' in the sense of noticeably differently so, most middle-aged women are around that size.

I do agree that when you try to change, people become agitated by the 'new you' and often undermine that, which is so ridiculous. That is because being thinner though is socially valued and you are doing the socially valued thing and they are not.

See, people will likely believe you when you say this. And they should.

But, if a fat person said it the other way round, they would be told they were kidding themselves. They’re delusional. That they must be eating more than they say. They’re gluttonous, they’ve only got themselves to blame……

Yes you can be naturally thin but not naturally fat apparently

@Comedycook do you think it's acceptable to say to a fat or obese person 'if you really try to eat less and move you're you'll lose weight?'

If you don't think it's acceptable, no matter if it's 'said to fat people all the time,' why is it acceptable to say to a slim person 'eat more and move less?'

Unsolicited comments either way ..no.

But like I said, if someone finds being skinny so terrible and are desperate to gain weight, the only way is to eat more.... medical issues aside obviously.

But most thin people are happy being thin and don't want to put on weight

Well of course no-one is 'naturally fat' FFS!

Anyone who thinks this is a thing is deluded, and probably believes that being 'big-boned' is a thing! 😂

Wow, how mean.

But if someone people can't put on weight whatever they eat then can it also be the case that some people can't lose weight whatever they eat?

You can naturally have a slow or fast metabolism. If you CHOOSE to ignore keeping an eye on your weight and let it balloon that is on you (and the millions that our terrible food and drink industry spend on marketing).

Very few otherwise healthy people are naturally fat.