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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour is a Tw** …

109 replies

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 11:14

Just as the title says really!

It all started off amicably, helping each other put the Xmas lights up, polite hello’s and invited round for a play date (children the same age but with different childminders) and then it all went quiet from them. We suspect it’s because one evening in summer at around 8pm we had friends over for a BBQ - very quiet no music or overly loud chatting however their child had been screaming in the garden for 3 hours straight (regular occurrence) and one of our friends said gosh she goes on a lot! He said it in heat but he did have a point, not once does the mum
ever take the child in or try to get the little one to keep it down other than just saying stop it then doing literally nothing to enforce that. I suspect she heard it as our garden fences literally touch and their seating area is against the fence as is ours. We kept smiling saying hi when seeing them it just turnt awkward after this point. She knew it wasn’t us that said this as our friend has a distinctive accent (and also lives on the same road so she knows him).

Nothing has actually happened yet she’s taken this sudden and huge disliking to me and my family, avoiding eye contact or ignoring us if she does see us, which is fine she can do what she likes but I’m finding it very petty and unnecessary. The first thing we thought was odd was, whenever they go on holiday they say feel free to use our drive as we have a work car each and a family car, we only have a car park space for 1 so often park on the road, whereas they have one of the new build tarmac style drives which is in between our house and theirs. They didn’t say that thus time and asked another couple 4 doors down if they wanted to use it. Fine that’s her choice but just seemed odd, the other couple had enough space on their own drive, just seemed so we wouldn’t use it for parking (not that we would’ve without permission!!) then sudd let 3 cameras were put outside their house, one pointing almost towards our house. Then fast forward a month later the only time my partner had ver done it, he had parked out the front. Of our house, rather than go down to the end of the road where it’s very awkward to turn, he reversed literally just the back wheels onto the start of their drive, there was no cars whatsoever on it, she happened to drive towards us as he did it and she went mental shaking her head saying no do not do not ever reverse on my drive without permission how dare you! And wagging her finger at us. He obviously said okay sorry and drove off. Ever since she will not look at us! We had a parcel left by DPD yesterday down the side of their drive, the courier obviously mistook it for our drive as their garage is attached to both houses and within an hour later there was a big sign saying this is not property of number 38, it’s 36. Just all seems ridiculous!

Just so so strange how people act nowadays to neighbours. I don’t expect to be best friends but politeness costs nothing.

AIBU thinking a bit of manners are needed?

OP posts:
alpacachino · 17/09/2024 11:49

AIBU thinking a bit of manners are needed?

Looks at thread title.."Neighbour is a Tw**"

Rightio

poppyzbrite4 · 17/09/2024 11:56

OP you're obviously not friends anymore for whatever reason. She's not going to be polite but that doesn't mean you also have to be rude. Just smile, be polite and go about your business.

ErickBroch · 17/09/2024 11:56

I don't think they're unreasonable to not like you anymore - the comment about the child obviously upset them (fair enough) and they don't need to offer you their parking space etc. It seems like they're upset with what was said and then these minor issues are compounding and making things worse.

I agree that reversing slightly on their drive, to me, is fine and their reaction OTT. However they are clearly upset already and this is all just adding up.

Either talk to her and ask what's wrong/apologise for the comment from your friend or just choose to ignore it

Missflowerpots · 17/09/2024 11:56

Lots off these neighbour threads.
I wonder if any of the posters look at themselves and their own behaviour.

SocksAndTheCity · 17/09/2024 11:57

What is a 'Tw**'?

poppyzbrite4 · 17/09/2024 12:03

SocksAndTheCity · 17/09/2024 11:57

What is a 'Tw**'?

Twat

Azerothi · 17/09/2024 12:03

How old are you all? I ask because you have tried to disguise the word twat, like you're in trouble if you say it.

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 12:06

Azerothi · 17/09/2024 12:03

How old are you all? I ask because you have tried to disguise the word twat, like you're in trouble if you say it.

Wasn’t sure if you were allowed to swear on here! Not that it’s a particularly awful word

OP posts:
Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 12:07

Missflowerpots · 17/09/2024 11:56

Lots off these neighbour threads.
I wonder if any of the posters look at themselves and their own behaviour.

I agree there is, however if we had done anything that I thought was wrong I’d of course apologised, the only thing we have ever done is reverse ever so slightly on their empty drive, and apologised straight after.

OP posts:
Mintgum · 17/09/2024 12:09

TW?
Twix.
Twat.
Twit.
Tway.
Twin.
Twig.
Twee.

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 12:09

ErickBroch · 17/09/2024 11:56

I don't think they're unreasonable to not like you anymore - the comment about the child obviously upset them (fair enough) and they don't need to offer you their parking space etc. It seems like they're upset with what was said and then these minor issues are compounding and making things worse.

I agree that reversing slightly on their drive, to me, is fine and their reaction OTT. However they are clearly upset already and this is all just adding up.

Either talk to her and ask what's wrong/apologise for the comment from your friend or just choose to ignore it

Totally Agree she’s okay to not like us, her husband is fine with us. But I just think gosh come on lady, our friend made a comment in jest about your child screaming constantly (not crying, tantrumming constantly and parents making no effort to stop it ever, like it’s an every day occurrence) - not us!

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 17/09/2024 12:13

Dont minimise what your friend said. You should have dealt with it straightaway . That’s doesn’t excuse her behaviour but don’t pretend you are squeaky clean and its all her wrong doing.

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 12:13

poppyzbrite4 · 17/09/2024 11:56

OP you're obviously not friends anymore for whatever reason. She's not going to be polite but that doesn't mean you also have to be rude. Just smile, be polite and go about your business.

Calling her a twat on a grunge will likely never see is hardly rude

OP posts:
armadillio · 17/09/2024 12:13

alpacachino · 17/09/2024 11:49

AIBU thinking a bit of manners are needed?

Looks at thread title.."Neighbour is a Tw**"

Rightio

She’s not calling her neighbour a twat to her face, she’s venting here, which is allowed.

OP, I would just ignore them, they want a reaction so don’t give them one.

The only point I would address is their camera. Is it still pointing to your house?

SerafinasGoose · 17/09/2024 12:14

Sidebeforeself · 17/09/2024 12:13

Dont minimise what your friend said. You should have dealt with it straightaway . That’s doesn’t excuse her behaviour but don’t pretend you are squeaky clean and its all her wrong doing.

Oh, rot. OP isn't responsible for what other people say. Even when they are guests on her property.

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 12:14

armadillio · 17/09/2024 12:13

She’s not calling her neighbour a twat to her face, she’s venting here, which is allowed.

OP, I would just ignore them, they want a reaction so don’t give them one.

The only point I would address is their camera. Is it still pointing to your house?

Yes! Still pointing towards our front door area, which I find weird and may speak to her husband about as he’s much more reasonable.

OP posts:
poppyzbrite4 · 17/09/2024 12:14

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 12:13

Calling her a twat on a grunge will likely never see is hardly rude

What's a grunge? I didn't say she was being rude.

armadillio · 17/09/2024 12:15

Sidebeforeself · 17/09/2024 12:13

Dont minimise what your friend said. You should have dealt with it straightaway . That’s doesn’t excuse her behaviour but don’t pretend you are squeaky clean and its all her wrong doing.

Why on earth are you blaming OP for what another neighbour said? What was OP supposed to do, make them apologise to neighbour? 🫤

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 12:15

SerafinasGoose · 17/09/2024 12:14

Oh, rot. OP isn't responsible for what other people say. Even when they are guests on her property.

Thank you! My thoughts exactly. Plus a few glasses of wine had been had by this point and he absolutely didn’t mean anything bad by it.

OP posts:
Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 12:15

armadillio · 17/09/2024 12:15

Why on earth are you blaming OP for what another neighbour said? What was OP supposed to do, make them apologise to neighbour? 🫤

Edited

Thank you x

OP posts:
alpacachino · 17/09/2024 12:16

SocksAndTheCity · 17/09/2024 11:57

What is a 'Tw**'?

Twix

ForeverPombear · 17/09/2024 12:16

You said that the person who made the comment also lives on the same road, maybe she thinks that everyone else on the road has been bitching about her child?

Sidebeforeself · 17/09/2024 12:16

@SerafinasGoose Of course OP isn’t responsible. But she knew it has upset them so she should have addressed it at the time. That’s what grown ups do - try to resolve a situation amicably . Wouldn’t have hurt would it?

armadillio · 17/09/2024 12:17

Sidebeforeself · 17/09/2024 12:16

@SerafinasGoose Of course OP isn’t responsible. But she knew it has upset them so she should have addressed it at the time. That’s what grown ups do - try to resolve a situation amicably . Wouldn’t have hurt would it?

Address it how? OP didn’t even know if neighbour had heard?

What did you want OP to do?

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 12:17

Sidebeforeself · 17/09/2024 12:13

Dont minimise what your friend said. You should have dealt with it straightaway . That’s doesn’t excuse her behaviour but don’t pretend you are squeaky clean and its all her wrong doing.

I’m curious as to what you believe I should have done? Ruined the atmosphere by berating my guest when he wasn’t being malicious in any way and had had a few glasses of wine? He was only trying to make light of the situation of a child screaming in the garden non stop from 8-11pm. What would have been rude would have been shouting ‘Oi, shut your child up, she should be in bed by now she’s 3’ 🤣

OP posts: