Neighbour is a Tw** …

[Fulltimemamabear]

Just as the title says really!

It all started off amicably, helping each other put the Xmas lights up, polite hello’s and invited round for a play date (children the same age but with different childminders) and then it all went quiet from them. We suspect it’s because one evening in summer at around 8pm we had friends over for a BBQ - very quiet no music or overly loud chatting however their child had been screaming in the garden for 3 hours straight (regular occurrence) and one of our friends said gosh she goes on a lot! He said it in heat but he did have a point, not once does the mum
ever take the child in or try to get the little one to keep it down other than just saying stop it then doing literally nothing to enforce that. I suspect she heard it as our garden fences literally touch and their seating area is against the fence as is ours. We kept smiling saying hi when seeing them it just turnt awkward after this point. She knew it wasn’t us that said this as our friend has a distinctive accent (and also lives on the same road so she knows him).

Nothing has actually happened yet she’s taken this sudden and huge disliking to me and my family, avoiding eye contact or ignoring us if she does see us, which is fine she can do what she likes but I’m finding it very petty and unnecessary. The first thing we thought was odd was, whenever they go on holiday they say feel free to use our drive as we have a work car each and a family car, we only have a car park space for 1 so often park on the road, whereas they have one of the new build tarmac style drives which is in between our house and theirs. They didn’t say that thus time and asked another couple 4 doors down if they wanted to use it. Fine that’s her choice but just seemed odd, the other couple had enough space on their own drive, just seemed so we wouldn’t use it for parking (not that we would’ve without permission!!) then sudd let 3 cameras were put outside their house, one pointing almost towards our house. Then fast forward a month later the only time my partner had ver done it, he had parked out the front. Of our house, rather than go down to the end of the road where it’s very awkward to turn, he reversed literally just the back wheels onto the start of their drive, there was no cars whatsoever on it, she happened to drive towards us as he did it and she went mental shaking her head saying no do not do not ever reverse on my drive without permission how dare you! And wagging her finger at us. He obviously said okay sorry and drove off. Ever since she will not look at us! We had a parcel left by DPD yesterday down the side of their drive, the courier obviously mistook it for our drive as their garage is attached to both houses and within an hour later there was a big sign saying this is not property of number 38, it’s 36. Just all seems ridiculous!

Just so so strange how people act nowadays to neighbours. I don’t expect to be best friends but politeness costs nothing.

AIBU thinking a bit of manners are needed?

Maybe. But I'd just have done it to avoid offending my neighbour.

She might now think that you talk about her family behind her back.

I don't mean make a huge scene and throw your friend out your house. Just something like "No, she's a lovely kid. Must just be upset about something"

Maybe that's a white lie but I don't know if you can expect for you / your guests to badmouth your neighbour's kids within earshot and then for your neighbours still to be friendly. It's kind of one way or the other.

Is there any chance they could be going through a stressful time or the child could have additional needs?

I ask because I am no longer friendly with one of my parents' neighbours because she complained about noise when my dad was dying. It wouldn't have been a big deal any other time / situation but it was the worst time of our lives and she made it that bit harder so I'm no longer willing to be friendly / do small talk.

I guess what I'm saying is when people are going through a hard time they usually are more sensitive to these kind of things.

The screaming child would annoy me more than being ignored, to be honest. If you're worried about the situation, you could put a note through asking if anything's wrong. Personally, I'd just stop bothering with her. Go about your life as though she weren't there, if she's ignoring your smiles and pleasantries. There's no reason you have to smile and speak to one another simply because you live next door. There are other neighbours you can be friendly with, instead, so it's not as though they're your only option for the things you'd ordinarily need a neighbour for.

Oh come on! Some people need to get off their high horse about their children. If you're child constantly screams they're a wee shit who needs told to be quiet (SEN being the exception). Parents who don't do this can't be offended when other people comment. It's awful to listen to.

She’s definitely a twat. I have a pair of twats living nextdoor to me. Screaming kids, controlling and paranoid behaviour. Started all because my husband asked them to let us know the next time they drill the party wall for hours. They apparently didn’t like his tone. What they don’t like is the fact they can’t control us like they did the previous elderly tenant. They constantly contact our council complaining about us. Some neighbours have no idea how lucky they are.

Why would she disagree? I would be bloody annoyed living next door to that amount of noise and the parents doing nothing.

Why would you defend the neighbour?

Well if I wanted to stay on good terms with them and they were within earshot I would!

This. I was probably the odd neighbour in my situation as my neighbour was trying to push friendship with our DC but one of mine had just been diagnosed with additional needs and wasn't getting on well in school and was difficult to handle and I was honestly stressed. I probably took offence at every little thing

It's true...I get mad if somebody has the cheek to park in "my" space in the public car park outside my office. 😆😆

This could be it! Never thought from that point of view. Op I think this is more likely

@Fulltimemamabear Can you amend that post, get it removed or something? The poster said her niece was diagnosed with terminal cancer aged 4, so no, she isn't going to be well now.

People who take offence and harbour grievance can continue to fester on things until everything is blown out of proportion and living there will become really problematic . Speak to her, ask her what is the problem between you.

If it is the remark made by your friend, then ask her why that should affect relations between you and her. Put her on the spot to explain.

If you are concerned enough to post here, then the answer lies with you regarding trying to resolve it.

If she continues in this behaviour afterwards, you have accept it and get on with it

But they are acting like that... so...

Nowt as queer as folk!

My next door neighbour's kids scream and shout morning, noon and night. I hear them through the walls. And in the garden it's worse as there is no bricks to vaguely muffle it. They also scream at my children, shouting their names over and over which my kids find as annoying as i do. No one has ever said anything in the moment like your friend, although many have commented on it under their breath so neighbours can't hear. BUT once when my neighbour said "oh my children can be loud at times" I said - very calmly - I know and I hear them 24/7. She was genuinely shocked and offended. We carried on chatting and all was fine. But since then she's distanced herself. Do I care? Not really. It's all civil but we parent differently and I just tell my kids to ignore her kids screaming through gaps in the fence. Not sure what my point is, beyond you're not alone. Some people either don't realise or care how loud their kids are! The camera thing is weird though and I'd tell them so

Tell your kids to give one a poke through the fence that should stop the noise! Failing that a bucket of cold water or a water gun would also suffice.
As to neighbours if you're planning on staying in that house for a long time I would either confront her and be polite but assertive ie I am wondering why your mood is sour with me have I done something to upset you?. The other option is ignore her.
Have you thought it could also be a bit of jealousy that you're friends with your neighbours whilst it almost sounds like she is not liked.

I mean if you're going to leave your child to scream outside for 3 hours straight subjecting all your neighbours to your child's terrible behaviour that you dont even try to correct then I'm not sure what she expects because my guests would of said worse

I would vote that you are unreasonable but only because you said “He said it in heat but he did have a point, not once does the mum
ever take the child in or try to get the little one to keep it down …” and I don’t see why all the parenting should be on the mother. Presumably the child has a father too?

Anyway, equal parenting aside, and as others have noted, you are not friends anymore. Either accept it and move on, or go over and have a grown up chat about it.

I'd personally just ask what their problem was..

End of the day it wasn't you who said it about there child lol

I think I'd be pretty relieved that I'd found out she was an absolute petty lunatic before getting any further enmeshed in their lives!

Its a lot harder to deal with a twatty neighbour when they're your 'friend' and drag you into their petty lunacy!

We slightly reversed onto our neighbours' drive ONCE (the road was very narrow) and they installed bollards 🤣🤣🤣 People are just a bit odd, I think.

However, re: the kid. I have that kid. He's seven, and he fully stands there and tells me he's gonna scream the house down unless I give him what he wants, usually after he's woken in the middle of the night, so this can be 2am in the morning. Give me cereal or I'll continue screaming. Can you imagine? 🫠 It's really embarrassing, and people always, always assume he behaves that way because of something I'm doing (or not doing) as the case may be. So you feel very judged and, yes, overly sensitive in anticipation of being judged. If the whole street is already talking about her, she's probably feeling very isolated and desperate, which is now making her petty.

OP, I'd go knock on her door with a bottle of wine. You don't need to do that. It's not your responsibility. But what a neighbour you'd be if you did. The only one not slagging her off behind her back. Might be the start of a lovely friendship!

Sorry if this has already been suggested but could the issue actually be that the other neighbour was at a bbq in your garden and they weren't invited, rather than the comment about their child? They seem to agree about the child being noisy anyway as they repeatedly told them off themselves. I think you said you were friends up to that point? Could be just really miffed to be excluded from a neighbourhood bbq? As others have said, maybe take a deep breath and ask?

Did you not think the fact you were outside may have been why she was up late ? Does her room back onto garden ? People are always noisier than you think you are when alcohol is involved

I agree, she sounds like a total twat OP. Who leaves their 3 year old outside screaming for hours when their neighbours are having a get together?

Are you sure it’s about the comment, not about them not being invited?

it seems like her feelings have been hurt, but most adults can regulate their emotions and bounce back from hurt feelings! Her reaction is way over the top and frankly bizarre.

I don’t know what I’d recommend doing, but yeah… just to validate… it’s not you it’s her!