To tell my neighbour he's a fucking knobhead

[NobbyNeighbour]

So we have a bungalow at the back of us, always got on with the lady who lived there. We have a thick conifer hedge between us which is about 8ft tall. It's our hedge, dh cuts the height and our side. Occasionally she would ask us to cut her side and being nice I would send dh to do it even though technically it's her responsibility.

Her adult (in his 40s) son moved in and the word is in the village he's not nice but I never had anything to do with him. Then last year he came banging on our front door ranting at dd about the hedge. Told her "tell your parents they've got till 5pm tonight to decide what they're doing, either they cut my side of the hedge this weekend or I cut it and send them the bill". Really shouty. I didn't bother going round to discuss with him as I knew neither option would be occurring. It was a foot deep in snow so hardly hedge cutting weather and I'm not paying for something that's his responsibility. He's never been back and hasn't cut the hedge.

Then yesterday evening he lights a bonfire 2ft from our hedge. It's not the first big fire he's had on the boundary but this was the worst. Right on our side of the hedge we have a garden office. The flames were at least 9ft high, I could see them over the hedge. He's a cowboy builder and often has bonfires as he burns stuff from his work. Ash was raining down all over the garden. I was scared for the hedge and garden office, I could smell petrol so think he'd put petrol on it. There were little bangs and explosions so God knows what he was burning. I started shouting at him and he was laughing and shouting "you need to cut your hedge". I lost my shit at that point and called him a fucking knobhead and dialled 999. Fire brigade put the fire out. But apparently he felt I was overreacting. Stupid idiot has actually burnt the fascia board on his own garage!

I don't even think he's doing it to try and damage the hedge, I just think he's as thick as mince and doesn't give a shit. Apparently he's always threatening people in the village. I know he was mouthing off in the shop a bit ago threatening to burn some people out if he found who had objected to his planning permission.

So while I'm still mad as hell I'm also slightly nervous! I videoed quite a bit yesterday, not sure if I contacted the council whether they'd talk to him about the bonfires but guess I can't prove he's burning non domestic stuff?

I looked into the law on this and it's horrifyingly complicated if you can't come to an agreement. It's definitly not your legal responsibilty to trim the hedge on his side, though.

I think you’re both being very unreasonable. It’s you’re hedge, you planted it, you should maintain it 🤷‍♀️
He sounds like a nut job.
Why can’t you liase with the lady? Have you even tried approaching him to arrange to cut the hedge?
I would report him to local council for antisocial behaviour every time he does something, I would report his fires every time he has them, I would report him for burning inappropriate materials.

This in spades. ^ We've got this woman that lives just around the corner from us and her 200 foot long back garden has got a big, massive holly hedge across part of it (around 140 feet long.) And some of it - about half - comes across the bottom of our garden... I keep our side as neatly trimmed as best as I can, but I can't do the top very well. (And DH can't do it because of a health issue... but he did he used to do it with the chainsaw/hedge cutters.)

We've lived here for 10 years and my husband used to trim it back about 12 inches in depth, and trim the top 6 inches or so (basically however much it had grown!) And for 5 years in a row he did her side as well, because (and I quote) he 'couldn't stand the thought of a woman having to do it herself...' 🙄 Especially a woman who is older. She is just 5 years older than us! (She is divorced. And we have never seen or met her ex. She never mentions him.)

3 years ago, my husband had a bit of an accident and hurt his back, he slipped a disc, and he has sciatica, so he's now unable to do anything that involves heavy lifting or stretching. So I popped round a couple of summers ago to tell her that he won't be doing the hedges anymore, but as I said, I've been trimming our side as best I can. Even though it's her hedge.

She seemed a bit annoyed and just rolled her eyes. 'Well I don't know how I will cope with it now, it's so big - and tough to do.' I said 'I know, I am having to do our side!' We actually offered to pay half towards the whole lot being trimmed both sides, and she said 'not likely! I am not paying anyone else to do it!' She doesn't want to do it, but she doesn't want to pay anyone else to do it either. She wants someone else to do it for free. (Preferably my DH.) It's got a lot bigger since we moved in, and thicker and sturdier, and is fucking hard work...

FYI the hedge is 100% on her side. 100%. It's her hedge. It's on her land. I said to DH that I feel like getting a fucking 6 ft fence, and putting it on our side of the monster hedge, and leaving it ALL to her to trim and maintain.

.

Not cutting a hedge (which she has no legal obligation to cut) is on a par with threatening to burn people and lighting a fire to intimidate neighbours? Hmm.

Does this not remind everyone of the "Stopping cats shitting in my garden" posts? It always descends into two groups. Those that think the owners should take some kind of responsibility and those that declare them as wild animals and tough shit (literally).

Society has lost the ability to accept that sometimes its just common courtesy to accept you are negatively effecting someone's life and a bit of effort may stop them turning into a raging lunatic who sets fire to stuff.

Personally i would hate to think that something of mine would cause that kind of situation and i would do whatever i could to solve it. Waiting for the guy to flip his lid enough to set fire to something does not sound like its an overnight situation. The previous pictures of the 'hedge' shows a rather mature set of leylandi pruned immaculately which could be a huge mess on the other side.

Nonsense. She maintains the height and her side, but it’s up to the neighbours to cut their own side.

Did your daughter feel he was threatening in his manner?
If so, together with his dangerous fire, i would be reporting this to the police, telling them you called the fire service.

I would show them the videos and tell him that you are nervous of him.
Create a paper trail.
Perhaps others have reported him too.

Oh wait, wait wait......yes because you've had so much more practice. Kabomtish

Even though you are not legally obliged to cut the hedge and even though he's been horrible to you, it could be worth giving the hedge a really good cut, smiling at him and promising to trim it every year in future. Disputes with neighbours are horribly stressful and even worse if bonfires are involved. But what has happened to his mother - is she OK?

Cut their side of a hedge they didn’t ask for nor wanted? Okay …..

😂😂 yes, why is it so difficult for people to understand? So did you specifically chose your house because of the lack of hedges? Would you never buy a house if the neighbour had a hedge? Don’t be so ridiculous.

Why should her neighbours be responsible for a hedge she planted?
We have hedging on two sides and always maintain both sides, its common decency.

Who’s shouting? Why should her neighbour maintain op’s hedge? She didn’t ask for it to be planted🤷‍♀️
What if the neighbours old or hates gardening, why should her garden look a mess because of someone else’s hedge?

Well good for you, what a great neighbour you are. Likewise, the OP is also a good neighbour because she is maintaining her hedge and keeping it nice and tidy and is under no obligation to trim the side which is in the neighbours property. All these people who are offended because “they never asked for a hedge” is funny. I have to trim several hedges that “I didn’t ask for” because I know it is not my neighbour’s responsibility. Twice a year they get a good cut, I don’t lose sleep over it. 🤷‍♀️ Mumsnet really is full of people who are guilty of nothing, offended by everything.

We have 75m of hedge down both sides of our garden, but both are ours. They were here before all our neighbours, and before we moved in. There are no fences, everyone knew what they were getting when they moved in. Hedges grow, if they grow into your garden, you cut them. That’s how it works.

If you’re cutting 4 lengths of hedge (both sides x 2?) good luck to you.

It's not the law though. It is showing advice for councils and if you read the linked pdf file then it says that a tall hedge by itself is not valid for a complaint and should be dismissed. However if the tall hedge is right next to the complainants window then it should be followed up (loss of light). So it needs an extra factor with the over 2 meters for it to be valid.

When it was just the older woman living there, OP's husband DID cut the hedge whenever she asked.

Then her younger son moved in, presumably fit and healthy as he's a builder, and made the ground on his side of the hedge unsafe for anyone to cut said hedge. Then comes round in the depths of winter (so already unsafe ground made even less safe by a covering of snow) and verbally abuses OP's daughter. No asking nicely as his mother used to do, just aggressively confrontational from the word go the first time he demanded that the hedge be trimmed.

I think the "common decency" bird oft quoted on this thread flew away at the first encounter.

Quite. My dh is in his 60s now and sick. I’m disabled and not very steady on my feet. Obviously if we were legally obliged to cut his side we’d have to sort something at our cost. We cut it for years for his mum, she hasn’t asked us to since before Covid. I’d assumed seeing as he’d moved in he was taking over.

ive been googling like mad today and there’s enough legal firm websites with qualified solicitors saying we legally don’t have to.

In the past we’ve done it to be good neighbours. I can’t imagine us doing it again, not after the way he spoke to Dd. And not after the bonfires.

Me too. It’s so inconsiderate. Leyandis suck all moisture out of the surrounding soil too. They are such hideous things to live next to.

It’s not something we’d have planted at all.

Saying that when there’s an idiot neighbour behind you it makes an effective barrier. My next door neighbours have a fence at the bottom of their garden which is also the boundary of the same guy at the bottom. He’s wrecked their fence panels by leaning stuff up them. So no way am I replacing the hedge!

Couldn't have put it better myself. A pox on both your houses!

we have done it every time we’ve been asked, numerous times in 20 years. We did not do it when he ranted and threatened dd. Mainly because this is the state of his garden. Couldn’t get near it with a step ladder if we wanted to.

he’s had this massive pile of rubble and rubbish against our hedge for over a year. At least the big holes and mini digger have gone.

That is not what the law says.

He sounds awful but I'd really hate to be having to deal with the work and expense of trimming a hedge like that. They are ugly an a pain to keep tidy. If you got it cut right back on his side the. It won't regrow where it's been cut back to if it's cut back far enough. . That would be worth doing to stop the aggro.

He could potentially get you to reduce the height using the high hedge legislation. I'm not sure though.

I can’t cut his side, can’t get near it 🤷‍♀️.