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Original poster

To ask if savings are shared when you share finances otherwise

82 replies

doodlydooo · 17/09/2024 00:59

EDIT: Title should read "To ask if savings are shared when you share finances"

I am a SAHM following birth of DC (who is 1.5years) ie. I have not been working for 1.5 years (I received SMP only). Have been married 4 years. DH's salary comes into joint account. We have a joint savings account from which money is transferred from the joint account. This joint account was set up when DC was born. Before that the money I earned went into my account and the money DH earned went into his. DH has savings of £250k (from before we married) and it is understood that this is essentially a deposit for our future home. I had very minimal savings when we married and that is really all gone now (mostly spent on wedding). I have always been a much lower earner than DH. I went through an academic route and only really started making £30+k after the age of 30 (I am now 34). DH has a city job and is 10 years older than me.

Tonight DH mentioned he was setting up a premium bonds account to transfer some of his savings. After clarifying which savings he meant (he meant his savings before marriage) I said, isn't that something we should discuss together? He said, ok, I'm putting some of my savings into a premium bond account. Is it unreasonable of me to think I should have a say in what happens to the savings? Up until tonight I was under the impression I should as I assumed that's what joint finances are.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
StarCourt · 18/09/2024 08:06

@RosesAndHellebores yes but it’s only automatic if you receive child benefit. If you don’t then you have to apply for the missing years contributions.

Bearpawk · 18/09/2024 08:34

Technically yes 50% is yours but I think you need to start thinking about your own financial independence.

ViciousCurrentBun · 18/09/2024 08:50

We have separate savings though we know how much we each have, we invest a little as well so don’t have time to consult each other. No big risks these days as we are not really young so don’t have so much time to recoup and about to both be retired. He is daft not giving some to you to max out your ISA allowance as you are married. My DH made one mistake when we were a similar age to you and lost 25k, he recouped it and more within two years.

I was never a SAHP, that’s a risk thats up to you though. I hope you get back in to work, a PhD and medical research all that knowledge seems like a bit of a waste not to.

Screamingabdabz · 18/09/2024 08:54

Did he say the wedding vow “everything I have is yours…”? I would say that on marrying that becomes family money not ‘his’ per se.

Notamum12345577 · 18/09/2024 08:55

doodlydooo · 17/09/2024 20:27

To answer the questions:

  • DH is supportive with whether I choose to work or not. Initially I thought I would return to work but after maternity leave anxiety and PND meant I really couldn't face it. I am having therapy for it.
  • I have full control of the joint account and spend on anything I want/need. DH never makes me feel bad about it.
  • I do still feel vulnerable though. And I think maybe that is just what I am like. One of my anxieties/triggers is not having enough money and I often think about what old age will look like.
  • We are not currently renting. We own the house we're in right now but it isn't our forever home. We bought it while I was pregnant to be nearer to my family and it was something I really pushed for and we still hoped we would buy our dream home when we found it and so some of DH's savings stayed and didn't go on the deposit. We're in London so £250k will not buy a house outright.
  • DH also spent money on the wedding. A lot more than I did. I just didn't have a lot to begin with (£5k) and it disappeared very quickly when the wedding was being organised.
  • Since becoming a SAHM I don't have a private pension or any contributions towards NI. I am aware I need to look into the private pension but I don't know what the comment about NI was referring to so I'll do some research into that.
  • I do know what all of DH's non-joint account savings are and I can access them via his app if I want. As far as I am aware, I know what all his savings etc are.

I told DH how I felt. He said sorry for how he spoke and it wasn't his intention and it might have just been because he was sleepy. He said that it was of course mine too and he didn't mean to make me feel like that. He also reminded me that it was I who had told him to move some to premium bonds but he just hadn't got round to it. I vaguely remember a late night conversation about it a couple of months ago.

Edited

As your child is young you will get NI credits towards your state pension. What you won’t get credit wise which you would if you were working is ‘credits’ towards ESA etc if you couldn’t work due to being sick

Tel12 · 18/09/2024 09:04

OP you need to return to work to get some financial independence. Your husband's attitude is what's mine is mine. He doesn't see you as an equal, financially anyway.

Mnetcurious · 18/09/2024 09:14

Yes we see our savings as joint money. Everything we have is shared. We each have an ISA to maximise the tax-free savings accounts but still view these as our shared savings. All financial decisions are agreed together. 20+ year marriage.

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