About neighbours complaining about children's noise

[OnNaturesCourse]

Lived in a terraced house, two shared walls in our living space, one neighbor on one side and new ones on the other. We have suspended floors, and laminate flooring. Despite it being a long term rental I am reluctant to replace the flooring with underlay and carpet.

Our relatively new neighbours have been banging through our shared wall from the first few weeks of them moving in. I always assumed it was DIY/moving noises as at the times there wasn't a lot of noise in my house. Then one night the neighbors came to my door complaining that they were sick of hearing my kids banging around from early morning until night, and that on that particular day they had been hearing it since 7am and it was now 6pm. They also shouted that they were occasional shift workers and I should respect that. I had a problem with the statement about the kids noise having been all day that day as my kids slept until after 8, and were out the house 11am until half 5pm. I explained this but the neighbors refused to accept it and a arguement started to break out. I closed the door in the end as I didn't want shouted at it.

Since then I have been super alert to any noise my kids make, and I have been more aware of any times they are maybe a bit heavy footed or run in the house. I have found myself constantly saying shh, soft feet, don't crawl around and thump, stop playing with certain toys on the floor etc. It got to the point the kids couldn't do anything in the living area and yet the neighbours were still banging through - even sometimes when the kids were actually in bed.

I have invested in a large, thick rug to try and help but apparently it has not.

Now when the kids play upstairs the neighbors occasionally bang through too. Even when they are in the garden the neighbours will loudly announce that they are going inside as the noise makes it impossible to relax.

I am friendly with my other neighbors in the street, and my other joining neighbours love my kids and have stated they rarely hear them in the house. Through these neighbourly relationships I have found out my new neighbours are complaining about us to others and have went as far to say that we have ruined their move and enjoyment of the area.

My kids are 7 and 3, they do make noise I don't deny that but not to the extent where I would think it antisocial even before I put in all the measures I have (new rug, no playing in livingroom, no playing outside after 5pm, quiet toys only in their rooms, alexa and audio no higher than volume 3, no more audio books in the morning in bed etc) They are in bed from, at the latest, 8pm until atleast 7am as standard and will sleep later on weekends.

I'm living in total fear of noise in my own house. It's ridiculous.

My previous neighbor never complained in the 6 years I was here before they left.

Ironically my new neighbors have tradesman in just now for over a week and it sounds like they are bringing the joining wall down, and they have taken to moving furniture in the bedrooms between 10 & midnight. But I just roll my eyes and crack on, I'm in a terraced house I expect some noise from general living next door.

AIBU to expect my neighbors to extend the same curtesy to me? If not what else can I do to keep the noise down but still live normally?

I would record their construction noise and play it back to them next time they complain. They've got a cheek.

Then tell them:

• You've tried to be reasonable but they've refused to meet you halfway.
• You don't want to hear from them again and if they bang on the walls again and frighten your children, you'll be contacting the police to lodge a harassment complaint.
• If they have any complaints, they can contact the council from now on not you.
• The fact they are shift workers is not your problem. You are a young family and you are using your house for normal family life.

Ideally we'd all have good neighbourly relationships, but unfortunately, with people like this, if you give an inch they'll take a mile. They will never be reasonable. The sooner you make it clear that they need to fuck off and leave you alone, the sooner you'll get some peace from them.

I've had a very similar experience to yours OP in my current house. We moved in last summer with a toddler and me 8 months pregnant (much to neighbours dismay). They proceeded to bang on the wall at every little noise they heard from our 3 year old. I panicked for a couple of weeks and tried to reduce our noise levels - which looking back was ridiculous, I was trying to get DD to tiptoe around the place while nursing a newborn!

After a few occasions where they started banging the second my DD got up and started walking around, I stopped caring. We put rugs down in a few places and cracked on, obviously being mindful about noise in general but overall we are not noisy people! It was just children's living noise that they apparently couldn't cope with- playing/footsteps etc.

It all came to a head a month or so ago when they came round one day to confront me- after a full year of banging, this was the first time they had approached us. I told her I had no intention of changing our behaviour,and that if she had bothered to ever talk to us we could have discussed things like rugs etc. Anyway the long and short of it is that they have stopped banging and we are still living our lives as normal!

Our situation is slightly different to yours as we own our house, so I think both sides would be reluctant to involve the council. However in your position I absolutely would complain about their banging. It sounds like they think they can bully you into silence- don't let them!!

Thanks all

Help advice and support is great.

I've given in and allowed the children to have the TV on in the livingroom this afternoon.

And you must move around like mist? Not seen, nor heard.
Astonishing.

Have you never been to London? Almost the entirety of inner London housing stock is Georgian, Victorian or Edwardian terraces. Millionaires and billionaires live in terraced houses! Further out in the suburbs you get post-war semi-detached houses with one adjoining wall.

Myself and the children need to learn the skill 🤣

Do you think I could charge members of the public to look round my home and call it the "Terraced House" Experience ?

Ironically my new neighbors have tradesman in just now for over a week and it sounds like they are bringing the joining wall down, and they have taken to moving furniture in the bedrooms between 10 & midnight.

Make sure to record any more building noise.

Then if they come round again, play it to them and say "This is your building noise. This is what we've been listening to for all hours of the day, including between 10pm and midnight. This is what woke my children. And you have the nerve to complain about my children walking about and playing in their own home during normal daytime hours. Go away please and don't bother us again."

Sod that if they were to bang whilst my kids were asleep I'd be banging on their door. Telling them my kids are asleep and would they like to come and see for themselves what the noise is they hear. Oh and wake my kids up again and I'll be reporting you for harassment.

Years ago, we used to have a neighbour who complained about our kids playing too loudly, if they were in the garden anytime between 4 and 7pm. Once she sent her DH round, so I invited him in to listen to his children shrieking in the bath, as heard from our side! I chose not to mention her arguments with her mother about money, though 🤣 I think he got the point, and that was the last time he came round.

Sometimes people are just self absorbed, and don't consider that noise goes both ways. That said, it is reasonable to tell your kids to be much quieter if they are being noisy. We used to, anyway.

I think banging on the wall is not a very nice thing to do and I’d find it a bit intimidating. Noise does travel a bit in terraces but children playing is not a bad noise IMO. I would try to ignore them.

Yes.

And I'm going to take a wild leap here and take it you're a lone parent? A woman on her own?

Stop tiptoeing about and place the problem where it belongs - with them. If they are complaining about the noise even when your children are out, it is their issue.

Some people are unpleasant.

Who owns their house - are they renters or owners? If renters, I would be inclined to speak to their landlord about their behaviour.

If owners, keep a diary. Record when you are in/out and their actions. You may be able to report them for harassment if they persist. I would tell them your family have a legal right to live in their home.

Do the new neighbours have children? If its just them too, they will barely make any noise.

is their wall an adjoining wall or is it the chimney side? I live in a terrace, i can hear neighbours on the plain wall but cannot hear anything chimney side. The walls with chimneys are thicker.

look youve got to live your lives. Yes be mindful but you have kids fgs. Theres going to be noise. Mention it to landlord and keep a diary. Report him too if hes doing house renovations out of hours. Hes got more to lose as it will affect him when selling in the future. Dont worry about neighbours, just be you. They will be on your side

These neighbours are complaining about “children’s noise” when the children are asleep, or out of the house. It clearly isn’t the children who are the problem here.

I live next door to a 3 year old and it is terrible when he is running doing laps of the house but I have never discussed with the neighbours as they get him out all day and it's generally restricted to 7pm-9pm. Plus I hope he will grow out of it. In your situation I am confused what noise are the neighbours hearing when your children are in bed? I don't believe they would be getting worked up about non-existent noise.

Laminate floors is my worse decision. If I'm having a lay in, my DS6 seems to run everywhere downstairs. Sounds like a heard of elephants. Step quietly!!!

It doesn't sound like OP is being noisy at all unless she has a poltergeist.

Tell them this OP, that banging on the walls has clearly disturbed some undead spirits on their side and that's the noise they're hearing......😱 😆 👻

I discussed it with the council. They told me that unless stood in their flat the noise was like standing on a busy road junction, tell them to “get to, get to, well just tell
them to get lost love!”

Neighbours are being dicks and are harassing you. Children have a right to play which is enshrined in UN law. Register a complaint against them.

I understand how you feel, when my new neighbour moved in below me, when my child would tantrum make lots of noise upon me coming home, they would ring my bell.
But it's ok that we have to be disturbed on the nights her bf chooses to come here, when he is just a visitor, and then you might have your own child in bed.
Your neighbours would love my neighbours child then, as at weekends and holidays the youngest is crashing up and down until anywhere up until 11pm or later.

I say the same as others have, get on with your life, they have a cheek. Very controlling.
Unfortunately most houses are old and this creates many issues.

I heard of one persons scenario who lives in a small block and it's concrete internally apparently, I was thinking oh that must be good, as they were saying it helped.

🤣🤣🤣 Excellent. Maybe they are the ones who moved in next to OP?

OP these neighbours are not worth it. No need to try to please them, they will always complain. Let your children live normally, stop being afraid of bothering your neighbours, they are the ones bothering you. They sound awful. Do speak to council about their behaviour.

If they own, then they have a lot more to lose than you if an official dispute happens. I’d say they’re pretty close to harassment with the wall banging as well. Maybe it might be helpful for them to become aware of that.

I am in the position of your neighbours, their kids crash about and run around for hours. We also have suspended floors, and when the kids jump off the furniture I feel the shake in my floors. I have not and will not say anything to them, but living next to them can be hell at times, even where the is no noise I am just waiting for it to start up again.

plans are being made to move, but will take some time 😕

Terraced house here too with one side amazing neighbours who claim to never hear us and arsehole ones the other side who used to moan incessantly when I first moved in when dd was 6.

Mostly they used to moan about my dog barking. It used to have me paranoid because they would message and I would check the cameras (I have internal and external) and dog would be absolutely sparko. Cameras are motion activated so I can see if dog has been moving about. It had me beside myself until they screamed at me in the street one day about it. The only issue was that I had been away for 3 days and the dog had been with my parents 3 miles away. Neighbour got told firmly she could piss off with her batshit complaints.

Funnily enough she hasn't moaned since.

As long as your kids aren't screaming constantly they cam bugger off, normal noise is allowed and in the same way as flats, terraces are renowned for noise travelling.

This is a good idea.

Incidentally, you're a rental and it sounds like they're buyers - any dispute they have they'll have to declare if they decide to move so it's unlikely they'll go down any official channels. Doing the above will tell them you're not scared of their pathetic behaviour and will take action if necessary.

Good luck. Don't let them intimidate you.