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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About neighbours complaining about children's noise

92 replies

OnNaturesCourse · 16/09/2024 23:05

Lived in a terraced house, two shared walls in our living space, one neighbor on one side and new ones on the other. We have suspended floors, and laminate flooring. Despite it being a long term rental I am reluctant to replace the flooring with underlay and carpet.

Our relatively new neighbours have been banging through our shared wall from the first few weeks of them moving in. I always assumed it was DIY/moving noises as at the times there wasn't a lot of noise in my house. Then one night the neighbors came to my door complaining that they were sick of hearing my kids banging around from early morning until night, and that on that particular day they had been hearing it since 7am and it was now 6pm. They also shouted that they were occasional shift workers and I should respect that. I had a problem with the statement about the kids noise having been all day that day as my kids slept until after 8, and were out the house 11am until half 5pm. I explained this but the neighbors refused to accept it and a arguement started to break out. I closed the door in the end as I didn't want shouted at it.

Since then I have been super alert to any noise my kids make, and I have been more aware of any times they are maybe a bit heavy footed or run in the house. I have found myself constantly saying shh, soft feet, don't crawl around and thump, stop playing with certain toys on the floor etc. It got to the point the kids couldn't do anything in the living area and yet the neighbours were still banging through - even sometimes when the kids were actually in bed.

I have invested in a large, thick rug to try and help but apparently it has not.

Now when the kids play upstairs the neighbors occasionally bang through too. Even when they are in the garden the neighbours will loudly announce that they are going inside as the noise makes it impossible to relax.

I am friendly with my other neighbors in the street, and my other joining neighbours love my kids and have stated they rarely hear them in the house. Through these neighbourly relationships I have found out my new neighbours are complaining about us to others and have went as far to say that we have ruined their move and enjoyment of the area.

My kids are 7 and 3, they do make noise I don't deny that but not to the extent where I would think it antisocial even before I put in all the measures I have (new rug, no playing in livingroom, no playing outside after 5pm, quiet toys only in their rooms, alexa and audio no higher than volume 3, no more audio books in the morning in bed etc) They are in bed from, at the latest, 8pm until atleast 7am as standard and will sleep later on weekends.

I'm living in total fear of noise in my own house. It's ridiculous.

My previous neighbor never complained in the 6 years I was here before they left.

Ironically my new neighbors have tradesman in just now for over a week and it sounds like they are bringing the joining wall down, and they have taken to moving furniture in the bedrooms between 10 & midnight. But I just roll my eyes and crack on, I'm in a terraced house I expect some noise from general living next door.

AIBU to expect my neighbors to extend the same curtesy to me? If not what else can I do to keep the noise down but still live normally?

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 16/09/2024 23:24

Well,nif your kids have been out/quiet at times they've been banging the wall then you know they're just being dicks.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. We have a shitty neighbour and I literally live my life like he doesn't exist. We live here, our DD is a bit noisy at times, that's life in a terraced house.

If they complain again say I have no idea what you are complaining about as the kids were sitting having lunch/out/watching their iPads.

OnNaturesCourse · 16/09/2024 23:32

What annoyed me the most was the other week when their banging through the upstairs wall actually woke my youngest up. They started crying and making noise to get out their room so the neighbours banged through again... 🫠🙄

I don't know if they are maybe hearing noise from elsewhere and sometimes confusing it with noise from my house, or what is going on but I feel like I can't win.

OP posts:
Kentuckycriedfrickin · 16/09/2024 23:49

Stop tiptoeing round and live your life. I'm not saying be deliberately noisy but you don't need to go to the lengths you're going to or restrict your perfectly normal, reasonable activities like listening to audio books or playing outside.

The new neighbours are dicks, why do you need to live like mice to accommodate their unreasonable attitude?

Next time they knock tell them that you are entitled to make reasonable 'life noise' and that if they insist on continuing to hassle you about it then you will treat it as harassment and take appropriate action (making a complaint to environmental health/antisocial team at your local council, speaking to your local PCSO, etc).

5475878237NC · 16/09/2024 23:56

I would keep a note of the dates and times when they've come to accuse you and you know your kids have been asleep/out. I'd suggest to them they are misattributing noise to your household and that you feel sorry for them but are not the cause and this is bordering on harassment. Then I'd ignore them before making a noise complaint myself eventually if they continue to bang!

OnNaturesCourse · 17/09/2024 00:04

Can I / is it reasonable to complain to the council about their banging? The thought didn't even cross my mind but now I think if they wake my toddler up again I may just go down that route.

OP posts:
Arkestra · 17/09/2024 00:10

I think you absolutely should complain about them. You aren't doing anything wrong: your previous neighbours were happy living next to you for years. They are the problem.

Pantaloons99 · 17/09/2024 00:11

OP, if you have laminate floors I would seriously consider underlay and carpets. It can make quite a difference. It's so utterly soul destroying hearing noise and I personally, having had a noisy child,would not subject any neighbour to it and knew underlay and carpet would make a difference.

It's stressful for you too worrying about the noise you might be making.

I wouldn't complain to my neighbour. But sometimes I'm just dying inside thinking please for the love of god stop your child screaming out at 4 am for you to come get them, pleeease. 😭

It's not all on you but living in the situation you're in with kids that will be noisy, I think there's an element of personal responsibility here that just makes you a decent person.

OnNaturesCourse · 17/09/2024 00:16

I have considered carpets but it's a massive expense that tbh I can't afford plus my home is rented. (I invested in the massive rug instead as a cheaper option) I have considered speaking to landlord about it too.

OP posts:
Pantaloons99 · 17/09/2024 00:46

@OnNaturesCourse ah sorry I didn't read that bit. I totally understand with it being a rental that isn't feasible.

If you fancy the idea of carpets, it might be worth telling the landlord. They won't want the expense of it or the cleaning and upkeep though I imagine.

TempestTost · 17/09/2024 00:56

I don't think your kids are really being loud. You've taken all the appropriate measures and are actually going beyond IMO.

I'd suggest that you back off some of them - like telling the kids they can't play in the garden after 5. These people will complain no matter what you do.

I think you should complain or they are going to get worse.

OnNaturesCourse · 17/09/2024 08:48

Thanks for the responses.

OP posts:
Nw22 · 17/09/2024 09:00

I think you are probably underestimating how bad your children’s noise is for your neighbours and you shoudl at least sort the floors. As a pp said living next to noise is horrible and will be causing them a lot of stress

MouseofCommons · 17/09/2024 09:02

Your neighbours are the problem here. My idiot neigbours used to bang on the wall when my child had a meltdown.

mrsmalaprop · 17/09/2024 09:16

Nw22 · 17/09/2024 09:00

I think you are probably underestimating how bad your children’s noise is for your neighbours and you shoudl at least sort the floors. As a pp said living next to noise is horrible and will be causing them a lot of stress

But they are banging when the children are asleep and complaining they're hearing noise when the family is out.

It doesn't sound like OP is being noisy at all unless she has a poltergeist.

If you live in a terrace there is noise. Young children are noisy. I have two noisy boys next door who like to run around and often cry and scream in the mornings. I doubt their parents enjoy it either and I would never dream of complaining. I had a screamer myself.

You have to be able to live a normal life in your own home and people who can't tolerate that should buy detached houses or houses where families with young children are less likely to live.

I feel for you, OP. Living in fear of the neighbours and tip-toeing around in your own home is miserable.

OrchardDoor · 17/09/2024 09:21

Ask the landlord for carpet and explain the situation. If they say no at least you've tried. It sounds like the neighbours are being unreasonable if they even complain about times your dc were out for the day or asleep though

Maray1967 · 17/09/2024 09:23

I’d knock on their door and issue a stern warning. When they’re banging and the DC are asleep or very quiet, point that out. We had a neighbour ring me up shouting about noise when it was the flat above us having wardrobes fitted. She swore blind it was coming from our flat.

Dweetfidilove · 17/09/2024 09:24

What could they be hearing if the children are out or asleep?

If they woke my three year old up for no reason (presumably your 7 year old wasnt making the noise), I'd just leave him to repay them for that action.

Player5 · 17/09/2024 09:24

Just live your life. If they don't like it then then need to move. They might be better off in a detached house.

We live in a terraced house and have complained about noise but next door was drumming, playing piano, guitar ect. I knocked at 5.30am, 2 am ect. Your noise isn't antisocial.

needhelpwiththisplease · 17/09/2024 09:25

From 8 till 8 just live your normal lives.
You are not responsible for your neighbour being unable to cope with normal noise levels.
If they work shifts, they should have considered their house options better

Lolypoly14 · 17/09/2024 09:26

I had neighbours like this for a while.

They’d constantly complain about noise. We did make some noise, of course we did - normal day to day noise that everyone, including them makes, but it got to the point I was tiptoeing around my own house, scared to put the hoover on or cut the grass in case they came banging.

My kids would be out at school all day, I worked from home and knew my dog wasn’t barking all the time.

The day we came home after a day out to them screaming that my “fucking dog had been barking all day” was when I finally had enough and spoke to the council. My dog had been at my Mum’s all day - and was actually still there when they were screaming at me on my doorstep.

The council were great. Day to day noise during reasonable hours is absolutely fine. Their behaviour was not. The next time they came round I informed them that I had spoken to the council and that any further complaints would be forwarded to them was the day it stopped.

MagpiePi · 17/09/2024 09:26

It sounds awful OP.

As a PP said, I would keep a diary of when your children are in/out/in bed, and of when your neighbours bang or complain, and I'd be working towards a harrassment claim.

Ivehearditbothways · 17/09/2024 09:29

Next time the bang when the kids are out or asleep, go round to their house and invite them to yours to see for themselves that there is no noise. If they’re banging while your kids are playing quietly, go and suggest that one of them comes over to see what the kids are doing and the other stays at home and bangs if they hear excessive noise. So they can see that the “excessive noise” isn’t excessive and that your kids are behaving perfectly normally.

You shouldn’t have to but they’re not going to stop so start showing them there is no noise and or something else causing it, or start reporting every incident of banging to the police. Maybe start taking videos of your kids asleep as soon as you hear them bang so you’ve got times and proof of no noise etc. but start reporting every incident or harassment (banging).

Twoshoesnewshoes · 17/09/2024 09:31

Yes agree with @Ivehearditbothways , ask them to come round and identify the noise which is disturbing them.

takealettermsjones · 17/09/2024 09:32

Kentuckycriedfrickin · 16/09/2024 23:49

Stop tiptoeing round and live your life. I'm not saying be deliberately noisy but you don't need to go to the lengths you're going to or restrict your perfectly normal, reasonable activities like listening to audio books or playing outside.

The new neighbours are dicks, why do you need to live like mice to accommodate their unreasonable attitude?

Next time they knock tell them that you are entitled to make reasonable 'life noise' and that if they insist on continuing to hassle you about it then you will treat it as harassment and take appropriate action (making a complaint to environmental health/antisocial team at your local council, speaking to your local PCSO, etc).

Absolutely this. Stop restricting your children's normal behaviour to appease a couple of absolute cranks! It's fine to play outside after 5pm, play in the lounge, listen to audio books in the morning etc. Obviously if they're screaming then stop them but it doesn't sound like they're doing anything wrong.

HoppityBun · 17/09/2024 09:41

If you can afford it, I’d see a solicitor. Ask them to write a letter to your neighbours stating that:

  • you understand the need for mutual respect in a terraced house and ask for that from them
  • you have never had problems with previous neighbours
  • you are aware that they are talking about you to other neighbours
  • their banging and complaints are harassment and unreasonable
  • you are entitled to live in your house making normal noise without fear of intimidation
  • you will continue to take special care between [say] 7:30 am and 8:00pm
  • you have noted that they have complained about noise at times when your children are asleep or not present
  • you will be keeping a careful note about the times and details of their complaints
  • you will be reporting them to the council and asking for assistance if this continues
  • regrettably if this continues you will have to consider obtaining an injunction against them from the county court
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