Living at home as an adult means you have to come on family holiday?

[ThisCoralMember]

DH says you are part of the family household or not and if you are you join all of the household on the family holiday. I say this as DS 24 has said he does not want to go on the annual family holiday next year. DS has ASD and ADHD, he woks full time and I am confident he can live independently. DH is an anxious person and the one time a few months ago when when DS was downstairs talking to us he realised he forgot to switch his bath water off and the bath was nearly full to the top with water. This means DH does not want him left alone for a week unsupervised. DS has only ever done this once ever.

DS will expected to contribute to the holiday so apart from being expected to come he will need to pay his share of the holiday too. However, we allow DS to live here rent free when he works full time as he has done since graduation from university.

What are peoples thoughts?

Your husband is ridiculous, A 24 year old working man can decide if he wants togo on holiday or not! Take advantage off this an go have some couple time with no distractions.

Your Dh is being ridiculous, Of course he doesn't have to come.
The bath wouldn't have got to the top if no one was there to distract/talk to Ds.
He holds a job and is an adult, he can decide for himself. Don't let Dh infantilise him.

DH is being a total pratt.

We don't make our 14 and 16yr old come on holiday! We go away on our own now and leave them with grandparents. How can you possibly make an adult go on a holiday that they don't want to?

At age 24? Good grief, no.

All our 3 sons are over 25 now and live independently. 2 lived here at the ages of 24 still. They were invited to a family holiday when one was arranged. They didn't want to come and that was completely acceptable to both my husband and I.

My dh once flooded the bathroom as he fell asleep waiting for the bath to run...shit happens....sometimes more than once! Maybe you need a few shorter stints away so your dh can build up his confidence in his son. Start with a night away, then two and then a long weekend. Maybe you have some friends you can stay with, if you can't afford a B & B / hotel.

Can't you just let him stay home on the condition that he has showers while you're away?

Can't you just let him stay home on the condition that he has showers while you're away?

Even that's ridiculous

We have left our 17 year old at home when they don’t want to come on holiday-that’s fine by me. They all come when we go somewhere hot with a pool though 😂

Ha ha same here! DS is now in his 20s and lives with his GF but there is still an open invitation that they can join us for some or all of the holiday . We do ask them to pay air fare now they are working but no contribution to accommodation.

OP I agree with others that your DS would benefit from a bit of independence.

Your DH is being ridiculous. You can't make someone go on holiday if they don't want to.

You can’t just decide on a holiday and impose that fee on your adult child. They are a working adult with a budget. They might not be able to afford the trip you want to take.

They also have to allocate annual leave and your holiday choices may not be the priority.

I’d be nervous of an immature/inexperienced young adult making a mistake too, eg the bath, not locking the door, leaving the cooker on, etc e

Honestly, my DS is pretty half-soaked and forgetful eg always leaving his keys at work or his coat in the pub etc but he's been left alone at home since 16 and living with his GF since 19. It's part of growing up - they have to be allowed to make mistakes and hopefully learn from them at some point

I don't do stroppy 'children ', but I'd encourage your son to ensure his dad didn't enjoy a minute of the holiday, if forced to go.

it's ridiculous that your DH trying to force your son to go on holiday.

Make it very clear to DS that you are leaving him as a trusted adult and as an adult he will be financially responsible for any damage that might occur while you are away.

The phrase 'couple time' has made me wonder . It can be hard becoming a couple again when you are used to being a family - and I wonder whether that is part of the problem, a little bit of apprehension about being just the two of you ?

DS17 stayed home this year and he didn’t want to come. Funnily enough he’s now decided he wants to come next year 🤣

Do you have house & contents insurance ?

You cannot force a 24 year old to go on holiday with you

You can't force an adult to come AND make them pay! That's ridiculous.

Never heard anything so ridiculous You can't force a 24 yr old on holiday

This is absurd. You can’t MAKE an adult go on holiday. And even worse to insist he pays for himself when he doesn’t even want to go in the bloody first place 🤦🏻‍♀️

He should not have to go on holiday and he should not have to pay for it if he's not going unless he's cancelled after it's booked.

He should be contributing towards household bills/food each month ... even if you then save the money for him, as many parents do, for a house deposit.

You need to allow him to grow and mature. He will make mistakes, all young people do.

Crikey!

He might have moved out before the next holiday comes around!

Your husband is being ridiculous, you can't force a 24 year old to go on holiday and you shouldn't punish one for making a mistake either