To ignore Christmas

[SGANDRUE]

I find Christmas extremely triggering of my anxiety, stressy, disappointing, tiring, etc, etc. Much like everyone does.

My Dh and I hosted his family every year for years. My Dh is an amazing cook and Christmas dinner would always be amazing, but we got fed up with invitations never being reciprocated. Last year, kept it simple, by just having My DM and DD over, except on arrival he mentioned he didn't have much of an appetite as he and my DM had just had a huge breakfast with my DS! Was not happy!
Every autumn my Dh and I threaten to boycott Christmas and forgo the spending, shopping, cooking and stress, but never manage it. AIBU to want this? Do others get away with ignoring Christmas?

We had one Christmas on our own where we were both tired and so we ended up delaying our Christmas dinner to St Stephen's Day. If you don't invite anyone then you can do what you want.

We rotate a bit but celebrate two traditions - European celebration on Xmas Eve and then again on Xmas day for the English folk. We rotate the Xmas eve in terms of hosting but the English side do not reciprocate... and ask us what we are up to each year 🙄 So this year we booked to go to New York for Xmas 🤘🎄 #revange

I think unless you have small kids Christmas is a time to do what you want. Other than visiting elderly relatives who might feel alone that time of year. I’m all for Christmas being a day for a long walk then films in front of the fire with something comforting to eat. I’d rather a nice stew and dumplings but DP thinks I cook the best roast potatoes so this year we will probably still do a roast but just a chicken instead of Turkey. I still love getting a tree though and going out to the panto but I won’t be doing loads of presents and entertaining and buying allll the cheeeessee

We just do Christmas at home for the 4 of us, we don't leave the house and we don't invite people over (tiny house!)
It's bliss. Dreading the day my youngest is older as I won't have the excuse to stay home anymore,

But Xmas with no presents no fuss sounds lovely! It's all commercial these days.

Thanks for the suggestions. I guess I've shared either Christmas or boxing day with parents for so long, it would feel weird and rude not to have them at all. But after last years Ffs moment with my DD, I'm starting to wonder. My sister and I do not speak. She hadn't made any plans with parents over the Christmas period so we invited then to lunch with us. Only for my dad to let slip that they had stayed the night at my sisters and she had made them a massive breakfast for them on Christmas day!! Knowing that they were having dinner with us. Pissed off with her for doing this and with them for not declining the breakfast knowing how much time and effort DH would be putting into Christmas dinner!
It's this kind of crap I want to be without. One year we hosted DHs brothers, wives and adult kids. Loads of us. He made the most wonderful dinner. One of the kids felt stress and wanted to go home, so half the family left straight after they ate our lovely food! My Dh was so hurt! New York sounding good, right now...

Thanks for the suggestions. I guess I've shared either Christmas or boxing day with parents for so long, it would feel weird and rude not to have them at all. But after last years Ffs moment with my DD, I'm starting to wonder. My sister and I do not speak. She hadn't made any plans with parents over the Christmas period so we invited then to lunch with us. Only for my dad to let slip that they had stayed the night at my sisters and she had made them a massive breakfast for them on Christmas day!! Knowing that they were having dinner with us. Pissed off with her for doing this and with them for not declining the breakfast knowing how much time and effort DH would be putting into Christmas dinner!
It's this kind of crap I want to be without. One year we hosted DHs brothers, wives and adult kids. Loads of us. He made the most wonderful dinner. One of the kids felt stress and wanted to go home, so half the family left straight after they ate our lovely food! My Dh was so hurt! New York sounding good, right now...

None of that sounds that bad and kindly maybe you’re being a bit sensitive both you and your DH.
I mean making a big brekkie on Xmas day is normal and I’d expect it. You could also then eat a dinner hours later so not really getting that, unless you est your Xmas meal at lunchtime which is bizarre to me too but we agree with everyone invited what time the meal is so people can plan their days food before they arrive.
mand leaving after a meal is ok too. Especially if a child is overcome and they usually want home to play with their gifts. As a host I look on that as a bonus. Get to enjoy family and then they don’t hang around too long.

I agree with @Calamitousness. Host Christmas if you want. If you don’t enjoy it, stop. Don’t do it while seething with suppressed rage that everyone’s appetite, timings etc don’t conform to your timetable. Kids hate being dragged away from new toys at Christmas and just want to go home. People often eat enormous breakfasts at Christmas on the assumption that dinner will be late.

Unless you’ve got children, in which case I think it’d be a shame - you are entirely free to do what you want.

If more people who CBA with Christmas, or who actively dislike or hate it, would just ignore it, maybe we’d be spared all the moans about ‘consumerism’ (which nobody’s forced to buy into) 🎄goods in shops too early, people’s trees/decorations up too early, 🎄 cards being a waste of money, bad for the planet, etc.etc.

I quietly quit on Christmas a number of years ago OP and it was one of the best things I've ever done. We live far enough away from both of our families that they don't come to us, so that made it a lot simpler, but the last time we travelled to my DM's for Christmas she was moaning that she's fed up of doing Christmas, so I said 'Fine, we won't come again' and we never have. It's just the four of us now and it's lovely! We always go away straight afterwards too.

I find Christmas so stressful. Already hearing a lot about it and it’s only blooming September

We normally have DD her DH and grandsons at some point between the 23rd and new year's day as their jobs mean they aren't necessarily off work. This means that some years there's only 3 of us. Last year we did Indian roast lamb and sides from the takeaway.

This year god knows, or house is on the market and our tentative purchaser has to sell theirs. If we move before Christmas it will be an automatic family Christmas but if we don't just the three of us again.

I miss our old family Christmases when we had the children,both lots of parenting and my grandmother. Hopefully next year my DS will be able to join us as the new house is big enough for us all

My DC are young adults now, and Christmas is fab. I don’t get remotely stressed, but tbh I have very robust boundaries so I don’t commit to anything I don’t want to do.

If you don’t enjoy it, just go away and have a lovely holiday.

I've ignored it for years (no DCs), we've either gone away or just had it low key me and DH. DHs parents aren't bothered, they also like to do their own thing.

My DM drops hints every year about coming to us, but we are 300 miles away and she refuses to make any effort to get herself here, so in the absence of a miraculous chauffeured pick up and drop off service, she goes to my DSis who lives down the road from her (who doesn't mind, I have checked).

I quite like Christmas (mainly for the time off work and the fairy lights), but I am not prepared to spend it inconveniencing myself and rushing about just so that other people get the Christmas they want, and then go back to work knackered and annoyed.

I saw something on here once that said better to feel guilt than resentment. Apply that!

IMO it’s infinitely better - and far less of a rush for the cook - to plan to have it at 5 or 6. By its nature it’s often a late-ish affair anyway.

We used to have it at around 3 - until the year (ages ago now) when I had too much Buck’s Fizz (just for a change) and completely forgot about the roast potatoes, so we ended up having it at 5 ish. When TBH everyone was that much more ready for it. (And the turkey kept hot, no problem.)

The timing works fine with young children, too - we just give Gdcs something quick and simple for their lunch at around their usual time.

Your parents sound a lot like my family OP and I understand.

Years ago, after my my mum decided - on 23rd December - she wanted to cancel coming to us and instead do dinner then tried strong arming everyone in to going to her (despite the fact that we'd already bought everything) I decided enough was enough.

I love Christmas but hadn't enjoyed the actual day in years so the following year, we went away to Iceland. It was totally different, absolutely lovely and completely drama free. Amazing!

Doing that seemed to break the cycle and no one just assumes they'll see us anymore, they ask and are considerate of our plans. We switch between Christmas at home and away and it's much better.

Have a think about how you want to spend Christmas and do that. Then when the subject comes up you just say "We're having a quiet one just us/we're going away/we've booked to go out for dinner" and ignore any nonsense that follows

Book a holiday and tell your parents and others that you are away for Christmas this year.

If you feel bad about your parents, say you're hoping to go on holiday and ask their plans, if they aren't doing anything invite them along. Then your conscious is clear.

Presumably if they're invited every year they would know what time Christmas Dinner is usually served and would avoid that big breakfast?

Your parents will be ok if they have to spend one Christmas alone.

Give yourselves the gift of a simple Christmas this year.

Last year due to unexpected circumstances I was alone on the day. Excellent cheese, wine & snacks, pigs in blanket, my favorite Christmas films by the fire, no stress.

No driving, cooking, chaos. I did shower but straight into a casual lounging dress and slippers. It was so enjoyable.

Just don’t do it. Do whatever you like on the day and if your DH wants to cook a delicious meal for the pair of you then do that. Or go away or just have a quiet day in.
we do this sometimes. Not every year but when we feel like it. we do host a family drinks/snacks party at another time in the year.
i am honestly fed up of friends saying they “have to” host family which they hate doing, it makes them miserable and they resent it - not just the actual day but the preceding weeks and then moan about it afterwards! Honestly it’s not worth it.
Don’t put yourself in that position. If people are expecting you to the host them, tell them now that you’re not doing so to give them plenty of time to get used to idea and make other plans. the earlier said the better. Don’t apologise or make excuses just tell them you’ve decided to have Christmas on your own and you hope everyone has a great time. End of.

I gave up with christmas years ago.
I dont do christmas at all No trees no decs no gifts nothing.
Appsolutely bliss.

Our idea of Christmas is stocking up on m&s "party foods" and then spending holiday season lying under the blinking fairy lights in fuzzy PJs, gobbling up mini cranberry pork pies and toasting on bucks fizz while watching favourite shows. Not giving that one up, no.

Go on holiday, it's difficult to ignore it if you're at home.
You have more than done your bit though so not inviting people this year is completely fine.

If you choose not to celebrate, let everyone know now, and do not change your mind at all, at least for this year.

We always have a quiet Christmas at home with a children/teens. Two years after having my first child I stopped going to my parents every year as it just got too much, we told them we’d be having Christmas at home and then every year without discussion they’d show up early on Christmas morning to give my children presents and they stay until early afternoon, while my dinner was put on hold...I could have of course invited them to stay but they’d made plans to be elsewhere. Eventually I had to say to them it couldn’t go on like that every year. There’s been occasions we’ve been to an in-laws but it was so organised down to games and quizzes and prizes that it became stressful having to worry about presents for 20+ people then prizes and everything else they had demanded. I just want to relax and be at home.