If your baby could write an AIBU about you, what would they say?

[FuppinNora]

3 week old DS :
My DM had the audacity to put me down in the buggy while in the coffee shop to try drink her coffee.I cried to show my dissatisfaction, was I unreasonable to then get sick all down my clothes and also get parts of her jumper? I'm fed up of her always trying to grab a coffee.

8 month old dd:
I've noticed a boy I think could be the one. He's very handsome and talented but my dm thinks I need to take time to live my life and explore my options. His name is Josh and he has a blue dog. Aibu to ignore my dm and see where this goes?

This was from decades ago, but:
Why the hell can't she let me feed in peace without all the interruptions to hit me on my back? What is all that about? Doesn't she realise I'm starving?

5 month old DD:

I struggle with separation anxiety and wake every night (often repeatedly), incredibly concerned that my DM isn't next to me. Thankfully, she is every time but to reassure myself I make little noises that prompt her to give me cuddles. She seems tired and looks dramatically older since I started doing this... AIBU or should I just continue and hope she builds a bridge?

4 month old:
AIBU to just refuse to nap past midday, even though it makes me incredibly angry? DM tries everything, but I also don’t like the car seat or the buggy so I make sure she’s aware of that. She gets increasingly frantic as the day goes on, something about “not getting anything done”, but I always wake up to a clean house and fresh clothes so maybe she just needs to tone it down and realise the work gets done.

She keeps making delicious bottles (though always a bit later than I think she should!) and then just doesn‘t give them to me! Instead she always walks all the way from the kitchen to the sofa before feeding me, which I would estimate takes her about 5 hours. Why can‘t she just feed me standing in the kitchen? AIBU to try to knock the bottle out of her hand to show her she can‘t treat me like that?

Brilliant loved reading these as I sit at 9.30pm finally getting to eat my dinner 😂

Is my mum being unreasonable making me do homework and putting us to bed at 9.30

There's this woman who acts like she gets to make the decisions just because she's been here longer?

AIBU to think this is supposed to be a meritocracy? She doesn't even like lego.

AIBU in not telling her which way my feet should be pointing when she puts me down.