DH stormed out because my DD was shouting mummy

[Babybirdmum]

So my husband was putting our toddler for a nap and I was settling the baby. I heard her shouting mummy mummy so I went to see what was wrong. He wasn’t making much effort to get her to sleep just getting her to lie in her bed. He was angry at me for coming in the room. I feel like I can’t ignore my child who’s shouting for me. He’s stormed off. He said I used to hate it when he’d come in when I would settle her to sleep at night, but the difference was she would just be crying not shouting for daddy. And I used to hate it because I’d been trying for hours and he’d usually come in just as I nearly had her asleep. My issue is I don’t understand why he’s got so angry for coming seeing if she’s ok when she’s crying mummy’s. He said I am undermining him but I don’t see how. It all feels a bit controlling to me. :

Thank you! Someone talking sense. People are particularly strident and vicious on MN tonight for some reason.

He usually does the night routine this was unusual behaviour from the child

It's not really a drip feed? She said its unusual behaviour for her daughter she didn't say it was unusual behaviour from the dad which concerns me

Same here

I was in same position. I would go to my child if they were calling me and dad was with her. Dad could also settle her but sometimes she just wanted mum. They're a bit older now and good relationships all round so just keep trusting your instincts xx

As others have said, I also can’t believe the comments on here. You didn’t know why your DD was shouting for you, you can’t see through walls. You did the right thing. DH is over reacting.

I also agree. Super weird replies.

I can imagine doing exactly as the op did. If your little one never normally calls out for you like that, and one night they do, of course you’d go in to find out what was up.

OP has done nothing wrong at all and people here are earnestly telling her she’s abusive

I honestly think ‘tear the OP apart’ is becoming almost a competitive sport on MN lately and it’s genuinely troubling

He's her father. When he's taking care of her leave him to it. You are the one being controlling and yes, you are undermining him by giving her what she wants when she yells. All that does is reinforce her belief that yelling is an effective way to get what she wants.

Oh blah blah all these Dickheads saying not to go in under any circumstances. It's up to you if you go to your child and she was calling for you. It's not the end of the world. She's a child and hasn't yet learnt to control her emotions, what's your husband's excuse? He's a grown man and can't control how he reacts and storms out. He needs to sort himself and his inferiority complex out. And possibly relax a bit more with her at bedtime.

He's her dad, of course she's ok. Why would you need to check? Presumably you trust the man you married?

In which case stop undermining him by implying that he can't cope, and leave him to deal with her.

The more you intervene, the more difficult she will become.

This.

This is just too bizarre. I feel like the majority of responses like this are almost cultish. We’re being brainwashed into denying our maternal instincts. Scary stuff.

I'm not saying it is what was happening, but you do understand that occasionally it is a parent who is abusing a child and no one in the family ever suspects it. No matter how good my relationship is, I would still be concerned if my child suddenly, out of the norm, is crying out for me,and would just pop my head in the door and check up on them!

So this is daytime nap? And he’s just put her in her bed? And she objects? Sounds pretty normal. If only it was that easy 🤣

She’s a toddler, he’s hardly going to be rocking her to sleep at 2/3 years old.

Absolutely this! Read up on parental preference. It's normal but the other parent does need to have a chance to do things with the child in their own. Even if they call for the other parent. Ours called holding up a boundary.