The summoning...

[WhoPutARealLiveToadInTheHole]

This thread is about my brother.

I obviously don't think IABU because I have made this decision but I am curious to know if anyone else sees his perspective. Because I just can't.

My brother has, I feel, some funny ideas at times and very high expectations of family at times. His heart is often in the right place but he gets upset if he feels 'rejected' or that people aren't acting in the best interests of the family (he determines the best interests)

This is the latest.

My daughter is moving to university 2 weeks today. On the Saturday, we are doing a food shop and going out in the evening. I have been clear for weeks that I want packing to be done by then before a 2 and a half hour drive each way on the Sunday. I want it to be calm and peaceful and for us (me, my partner, her and her brother) to enjoy it.

My brother is moving house shortly afterwards.

I'm a teacher and work full time. So have little time outside work to get stuff done because I'm knackered/working in the evenings.

So. We have had plans for the last two weekends and for next weekend to go shopping for university stuff and essentials and to pack.

My daughter has a pt job which has become full time (and beyond!) since finishing her A Levels and usually works evenings so evening time to do stuff is limited anyway.

Yesterday, my brother issued a summoning (we affectionately refer to his invitations as this because there isn't really an option to refuse in his eyes) for us all to go over to his for the whole weekend next weekend (including a mandatory sleepover) so that his daughter (12) can enjoy one of her last weekends in her childhood home surrounded by her family and her memories.

My children (26 and 18) think this is bonkers and have never heard of such a thing. My daughter wants to spend the last full weekend at home packing and seeing her friends before moving away. His plans/expectations don't really allow for the compromise of a 2 hour visit and, even if they did, it would be something that we'd have to juggle to make time for in our existing plans. In an already busy weekend in whicn I'd also have to find time to work. And none of us want to go.

I don't have the capacity to shop and pack in the evenings to facilitate this so the weekends it is.

My brother is now cross/not speaking to us since we turned down the invitation because we're spoiling his daughter's experience.

So. This is part incredulous grumble and part does anyone think my brother is right/has a point because I can't see it.

No. He’s being ridiculous.
Enjoy your weekend and good luck to your daughter at Uni’! x

Apart from your own family, I think you will indirectly be doing his own daughter a good turn.
Her own DM goes along with things to keep the peace, but she is reaching an age where she can't just be assumed to be part of family plans without consultation. Teenagers and young adults have their own circle of friends, opinions, social life etc., and there will be rough seas ahead if he does not take this into account.

He sounds like a self important twat and of course yanbu! Your daughter is moving to university! That’s a bigger deal than him moving house and he needs it pointing out to him what a big step she is about to make and that you need that weekend to get her ready.

Yep, this! Sounds like the narcissists I know, in which case these last minute plans would be a response to the fact your DD is going off to uni and he needs the attention to be on him and his DD. Do the summonings often coincide with events that aren’t about him?

Really? Your brother needs to grow up ,get real, and learn how to compromise and consider other's commitments. Having children, as you obviously know , usually brings this about!

Why on earth would your 26 year old son want to go to a sleepover with a 12 year old?
or drop his 18 year old sister off to uni for that matter?? Does he not have a job, gf … life??? All very strange.

No, he doesn't want a sleepover at his 12 year old cousins but he is very family oriented generally. It's my brother who expected it.

He does have a job but he doesn't work weekends. He does have a girlfriend but I'm not sure what that has to do with anything! He and his sister are really close; she wants him to go and he wants to go. A lot of her friends have gone over the last couple of weeks and, judging by the photos, most of them had their siblings (older and some younger) there.

Do the summonings often coincide with events that aren’t about him?

Not really but he doesn't consider other people's needs when he issues them. We're just expected to he free and go.

We do go if we're free but I'm happy to say no to him. This one just baffled me though.

Thank you!

He has given you the reasoning to use on you: your daughter wants to spend one of her last weekends of her life as a child/ teen before she leaves home for the first time