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AIBU?

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Original poster

To sleep with someone

72 replies

Idontkknowwhattodo · 15/09/2024 07:02

I'll try to be brief.

So I'm not 100% sure of their relationship, they call each other cousins though so let's go with that. But my ex husbands cousin is into me, I didn't pick up on it at first but I was telling a friend about the conversations and actions and he pointed out that the cousin is definitely interested, he ask me why I didn't do anything when we visited the cousin a few weeks ago.

I said I hadn't even thought of it, I guess it's because I have always put myself down and thought I'm not good enough and my ex husband leaving me just confirmed that in my eyes.

Then he messaged the cousin asking how he was, told him we were having drinks to catch up, the cousin said to say hi to me with a winky face and a kiss, which apparently confirms he's into me - coming from a man.

Anyway my friend invited him to come over and stay and we can all catch up, he's coming in a couple of weeks.

But since my friend told me the cousin is attracted to me I can't get him out of my head, he is VERY attractive (I guess I just never thought anything of being attracted to him)

I'm old though, the cousin is about 18 years younger than me, and however close of distant, a relative of my ex husband.

Is it wrong to sleep with him? Just as a one off, if he even wants to.

OP posts:
LondonFox · 15/09/2024 07:16

As long as 18y younger than you is above 18, go for it.
Nothing wrong getting dicked down by a young bloke that may or may not be related to your husban. It's not your close relative.

Catza · 15/09/2024 07:17

If he is 16 and you ara 34, then yeah, I'd say it's questionable. If he is 40 and you are 58, you can do whatever the heck two of you want.
Have you thought though what's going to happen after the sex? I mean what if he wants a relationship and you don't? What if you want a relationship and he doesn't? Casual sex is well and good but you have to be in the right mindset. And, honestly, doesn't sound like you are...

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 15/09/2024 07:19

What @Catza said.

61andgettingfitter · 15/09/2024 07:23

Definitely go for it. I did. 'Younger man' 19 years my junior. 10 years on, we're still together.

Anyonefortennistoday · 15/09/2024 07:26

You are free to do whatever you like as regards having sex with this young guy, provided you are both over the age of consent.

However it reads as to me as though your friend is sort of manipulating you into this. I would be concerned about your friend's motives. And I would be concerned about the aftermath of having sex with the young guy when third parties and probably others, including your ex, will know about it. How will that affect your low self esteem?

I'd be a bit wary of this potential situation.

MildredSauce · 15/09/2024 07:53

This feels... odd. Who is your male friend that he can text and arrange a get together with your ex husband's "cousin" just like that?

Is he a relative too?

And if he too is old enough to be the younger lad's dad then I'd not be taking any "male to male" advice on what interest looks like. Signals change!

Before you even get to the sleeping part there's a lot to unpack here @Idontkknowwhattodo

Round3HereWeGo · 15/09/2024 08:00

I wouldn't sleep worth a relative of your ex. That's just asking for drama and complications!
Id be suspicious of his motives too

Wwyd2025 · 15/09/2024 08:01

No, this is giving cradle snatcher vibes.

ItsAShame2 · 15/09/2024 08:01

Anyonefortennistoday · 15/09/2024 07:26

You are free to do whatever you like as regards having sex with this young guy, provided you are both over the age of consent.

However it reads as to me as though your friend is sort of manipulating you into this. I would be concerned about your friend's motives. And I would be concerned about the aftermath of having sex with the young guy when third parties and probably others, including your ex, will know about it. How will that affect your low self esteem?

I'd be a bit wary of this potential situation.

Edited

This - it’s all very odd - your ex’s younger cousin being into you. You say your confidence is damaged - I am worried this will make it worse due to his link to your social circle. I am also worried that they are going to take advantage of your vulnerable place at the moment. If he was not linked to you I would not worry as much.

Stixk · 15/09/2024 08:03

Catza · 15/09/2024 07:17

If he is 16 and you ara 34, then yeah, I'd say it's questionable. If he is 40 and you are 58, you can do whatever the heck two of you want.
Have you thought though what's going to happen after the sex? I mean what if he wants a relationship and you don't? What if you want a relationship and he doesn't? Casual sex is well and good but you have to be in the right mindset. And, honestly, doesn't sound like you are...

Yeah this 👆

Just4thisthreadtoday · 15/09/2024 08:05

LondonFox · 15/09/2024 07:16

As long as 18y younger than you is above 18, go for it.
Nothing wrong getting dicked down by a young bloke that may or may not be related to your husban. It's not your close relative.

@LondonFox

'dicked down'

its the first time I've heard that,

& hopefully the last

gross

Stixk · 15/09/2024 08:06

Just4thisthreadtoday · 15/09/2024 08:05

@LondonFox

'dicked down'

its the first time I've heard that,

& hopefully the last

gross

Show quote history

Ewww. Never heard of that either.
very degrading.

Emily1583 · 15/09/2024 08:11

Sleeping with a relative of your ex-husband??! No possible good can come out of this situation.

bifurCAT · 15/09/2024 08:11

Let's be fair, 18 years younger, he's just going to be looking at this as a hookup. If you can handle this, go for it!

Just4thisthreadtoday · 15/09/2024 08:12

@Idontkknowwhattodo

there's nothing wrong with having sex with an Ex's (maybe) cousin.

theres nothing wrong with having sex with a much younger bloke (though if sexes were reversed you'd get all kinds of nasty comments).

But im not sure this is going to be good for you?

you can always say no on the night though, don't feel pressured into having sex with him!

id personally hate the 'set up' feel to it. I prefer things to be much more 'natural'

Wishimaywishimight · 15/09/2024 08:18

If you visited the cousin recently, and he was interested, surely he could have made some sort of approach?

Your 'friend' sounds weirdly over-involved and strangely keen for you to move forward with this.

It sounds like a bad idea and likely to create needless drama.

Are you trying to get some sort of revenge on your ex?

Beth216 · 15/09/2024 08:23

This sounds very weird and like it could get very, very messy. I think you seriously need to widen social circle if your friends know your ex's cousins.

Don't have sex with randoms to try to boost your self esteem. Work on yourself, because looking to others to make you feel better is not healthy and never going to make you happy.

Mirabai · 15/09/2024 08:38

This is ick in so many ways, being DH’s relative is the least of it.

Ablondiebutagoody · 15/09/2024 08:41

Sounds grim and a recipie for drama.......but I'm feeling from your post that you might quite like that.

ghostyslovesheets · 15/09/2024 08:43

It’s like your male ‘friend’ is pimping you out - it just reads a bit icky!

if this cousin was interested why can he not ask you himself? Why is this third man arranging it all? Threesome?

OpalGoose · 15/09/2024 08:50

Did you change username to ask this question?

It does sound like your mutual friend is pimping you. On the other hand the younger man might have asked for his help to break the ice. You shouldn't feel under any pressure to have sex with anyone if you meet up, and it sound like you are expected to have sex with at least one of them. It's a horrible situation.

DoraSpenlow · 15/09/2024 09:17

Why does it have to go straight to sex with this guy? If you like him why not agree to a few dates first? See If he is serious first. If he wants to go straight into sex you have your answer. I don't see how having casual sex with someone at this stage would help your self esteem.

DesigningWoman · 15/09/2024 09:21

Nothing wrong with having sex with any other adult, as long as both people are free and consenting, but, bluntly, I’m not sure where the idea of this attraction on his side is coming from — you’ve not noticed anything, it’s just your ‘friend’ making claims and one winking emoji…?

ExhaustedHousewife · 15/09/2024 09:23

LondonFox · 15/09/2024 07:16

As long as 18y younger than you is above 18, go for it.
Nothing wrong getting dicked down by a young bloke that may or may not be related to your husban. It's not your close relative.

Vile.

ExhaustedHousewife · 15/09/2024 09:25

Are you absolutely sure your friend isn't surreptitiously trying to arrange a threesome? Seems a bit too cosy to me.