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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset at friend

60 replies

Shesnotelectric · 13/09/2024 22:52

First time posting sorry if it’s long!
Been friends for few years and quite close. Meet up quite often (weekly/fortnightly sometimes more) usually at events as we have a mutual obsession.
About a month ago arranged to meet friend at an event (weekend just gone) arranged for breakfast together as usual all seemed fine.
About 2/3 weeks ago friend went quiet on contact. Didn’t think too much of it as not unusual and he doesn’t always confirm until day before or even on the day which is fine thats how he rolls.
Anyway I get to the event and he is there with a group of mutual friends of ours, went for breakfast with them and was having dinner with them that evening.
I am upset as we usually do this and I am normally included if other mutual friends are going along too but it was as if he totally forgot about me! He didn’t speak to me much other than hello and I haven’t heard from him at all since although he has seen DH and not said theres anything up. I know it’s childish but feel like I have been ‘ditched’
DH says I am overthinking as friend has never done anything like this before and has no reason to.
AIBU to feel upset?

OP posts:
Suzuki70 · 13/09/2024 22:55

No, you're not being unreasonable. I think it's a bit unfair of DH to tell you you're wrong because it's your friendship and you are best placed to know when something has changed.

Has he got a new female partner who is being weird about his friendship with you?

Baldyheed · 13/09/2024 22:58

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poppyzbrite4 · 13/09/2024 23:09

I'm not too clear, did you arrange to meet him at the event and he went off with friends? If so his behaviour is awful.

My opinion is that you've done something to upset him and he's annoyed. Otherwise his behaviour doesn't make sense.

Original poster
Shesnotelectric · 13/09/2024 23:14

He is DH friend too he knows our friendship inside out but says he doesn’t think he is being weird!
No he is married so there is no one new on the scene.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shesnotelectric · 13/09/2024 23:19

poppyzbrite4 · 13/09/2024 23:09

I'm not too clear, did you arrange to meet him at the event and he went off with friends? If so his behaviour is awful.

My opinion is that you've done something to upset him and he's annoyed. Otherwise his behaviour doesn't make sense.

I had arranged to go to the event with him but he went radio silent on me. When I turned up at the event he was already there having had breakfast with everyone else and basically ignored me. Everyone else there was fine though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shesnotelectric · 13/09/2024 23:21

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Yes he does but she wouldn’t be behind his weirdness 😂

OP posts:
poppyzbrite4 · 13/09/2024 23:21

Shesnotelectric · 13/09/2024 23:19

I had arranged to go to the event with him but he went radio silent on me. When I turned up at the event he was already there having had breakfast with everyone else and basically ignored me. Everyone else there was fine though.

Show quote history

His behaviour is very strange. Something has obviously happened. I would message him to see if you've done something to upset him and then leave the ball in his court.

ManhattanPopcorn · 13/09/2024 23:24

He was rude. There is something behind it.

Original poster
Shesnotelectric · 13/09/2024 23:27

poppyzbrite4 · 13/09/2024 23:21

His behaviour is very strange. Something has obviously happened. I would message him to see if you've done something to upset him and then leave the ball in his court.

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Thats what I thought but cant think what as we have had no contact since we arranged to meet but he was fine when I saw him 2 days before arranging meet up. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
thursdaymurderclub · 13/09/2024 23:28

have you asked him?

Baldyheed · 13/09/2024 23:29

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Alalalala · 13/09/2024 23:30

Well he’s behaving like an arse. Text and ask him.

Original poster
Shesnotelectric · 13/09/2024 23:31

thursdaymurderclub · 13/09/2024 23:28

have you asked him?

No if there is an issue usually I wouldn’t need to he isn’t exactly shy about telling someone there is a problem thats why Im struggling to understand his behaviour.

OP posts:
LittleMonks11 · 13/09/2024 23:35

You need to ask him what the problem is.

Original poster
Shesnotelectric · 13/09/2024 23:35

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No

OP posts:
andfinallyhereweare · 13/09/2024 23:36

To take a guess and just a guess as your both in relationships with other people this sound a bit like emotional affair territory. Maybe his wife or him are uncomfortable with the way the relationship is progressing and he’s taking a step back?

the fact you’re so upset about it hints that it’s more than friendship even if you’re not aware.

thursdaymurderclub · 13/09/2024 23:39

Shesnotelectric · 13/09/2024 23:31

No if there is an issue usually I wouldn’t need to he isn’t exactly shy about telling someone there is a problem thats why Im struggling to understand his behaviour.

Show quote history

well as you are such good friends, and you are clearly upset, then i suggest you contact him and have it out! you clearly do think there is an issue or you would not have asked the question.

have you had contact with him since this last event? does he appear 'normal' again?

Original poster
Shesnotelectric · 13/09/2024 23:54

thursdaymurderclub · 13/09/2024 23:39

well as you are such good friends, and you are clearly upset, then i suggest you contact him and have it out! you clearly do think there is an issue or you would not have asked the question.

have you had contact with him since this last event? does he appear 'normal' again?

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no contact since but will see him next week at another meet up.
I much prefer to talk face to face so will ask him then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shesnotelectric · 13/09/2024 23:58

andfinallyhereweare · 13/09/2024 23:36

To take a guess and just a guess as your both in relationships with other people this sound a bit like emotional affair territory. Maybe his wife or him are uncomfortable with the way the relationship is progressing and he’s taking a step back?

the fact you’re so upset about it hints that it’s more than friendship even if you’re not aware.

I see where you are coming from but definitely not more than friendship. we never spend time alone together we are either with spouses, children or mutual friends or all of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shesnotelectric · 14/09/2024 00:02

thursdaymurderclub · 13/09/2024 23:39

well as you are such good friends, and you are clearly upset, then i suggest you contact him and have it out! you clearly do think there is an issue or you would not have asked the question.

have you had contact with him since this last event? does he appear 'normal' again?

Show quote history

I probably should have worded the post better. I suppose it is more of a question as to why someone would suddenly cut me off like that 😔 he is normal with DH hasnt said anything to him.

OP posts:
skyandocean · 14/09/2024 00:06

Someone has said something to him, that's why he went radio silent and ignored you. Ask him

thursdaymurderclub · 14/09/2024 00:35

i'm going to stick my neck out here and i suspect that you think there's more of a friendship between the 2 of you than there actually is, and he's been polite in the past, but your attention may have become a little overwhelming now, and its been commented on by other members of the group and he's distancing himself?

Original poster
Shesnotelectric · 14/09/2024 01:30

thursdaymurderclub · 14/09/2024 00:35

i'm going to stick my neck out here and i suspect that you think there's more of a friendship between the 2 of you than there actually is, and he's been polite in the past, but your attention may have become a little overwhelming now, and its been commented on by other members of the group and he's distancing himself?

Doesnt make sense as he is generally the one that asks me to go. If me or DH is in need he is generally the first to check in on us. He has a very good relationship with our children we have spent weekends away as families together he takes my youngest places (others are late teens but will go to the pub with him) we do all the usual friendship stuff so i dont think our friendship would stand out
hope that makes sense!

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 14/09/2024 07:38

It could be as simple as he had a dream about you and felt awkward but it will all be normal in a few days. If not just ask him. He sounds like a close enough friend you could broach it with.

LittleMonks11 · 14/09/2024 09:50

Have you gossiped about him and it's got back?