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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS asked to be a pageboy but not included in reception meal

97 replies

beakysmum · 20/04/2008 03:04

What do others think.....?

My DS (3yr 3m) has been asked to be one of two pageboys at a good friend's wedding, which I'm really happy about. However, she wants the reception and meal to be adult only.

Feel a bit bemused by this; on the one hand I understand she wants a child free event, on the other, it feels as if DS is just being used to be dressed up and photographed, but not treated like a person. Also makes for an ineresting logistical problem for me to get someone to pick him up if I want to stay on to the reception.

OP posts:

kiskideesameanoldmother · 20/04/2008 03:18

Good heavens, is this the sort of tactless things that bridezillas do? I would not be chuffed either. I would use the logistical problem as a reason to say 'no'. Maybe there is a way to leave the door open that if he is allowed to stay, it would make life so much erm, easier for you?

eidsvold · 20/04/2008 04:40

what a pia - I agree it feels that he is just being dressed up and look cute in her wedding pics but not to be part of the celebration of wedding.

EffiePerine · 20/04/2008 06:34

How odd. Explain that it is a bit strange to have children for the ceremony and banish them afterwards.

laura032004 · 20/04/2008 06:41

I think that's a bit out of order myself. When I've been to child-free weddings, the 'bridal party' kids are still there.

tribpot · 20/04/2008 06:54

Sorry but that sounds bang out of order to me.

LazyLinePainterJane · 20/04/2008 07:09

so she wants to use him to make her wedding look pretty but not actually have the inconvenience of wanting to deal with his as a person?

Tell her to fark right orf!

wb · 20/04/2008 07:11

Although I'm usually on wedding threads banging on about 'their day, their choice' even I think this is a bit much. Small bridesmaids/page boys are of course basically photogenic props (and I mean that in the nicest possible way) but the least you can do is show your appreciation by feeding them afterwards.

fatzak · 20/04/2008 07:11

Agree with the others. It's either child free or it's not. What does she expect you to do with your DS after the ceremony? Ridiculous!

EffiePerine · 20/04/2008 07:14

Maybe he'll get a sausage roll for the way home

Eddas · 20/04/2008 07:18

sounds like my dad's request at the wedding of him and step mother.

They said initially no children. that then changed when i said i didn't agree(becuase my dd his granchild was the only child so basically they were excluding the only grandchild between them) anyway he then changed his mind. the request was

dd to stay away from ceremony.
dd come for photos
dd to go for meal
dd to come in the evening to reception

ok, so i get someone to come and stay deliver dd to the bits he wants, wait til 7.30 for reception and then go home

i told him that was inappropriate she was only 1.3yo and it made no sense.

It's either all or nothing. you can't expect people to hang around or pick kids up/drop them off so they can be in photos which is essentially what your friend is asking. You need to tell her that you can't get anyone(lie if needed) to pick ds up after the ceremony. it's possibly she's just not thought of the logistics. My dad hadn't until i explained with a vary face

cosima · 20/04/2008 07:23

how ridiculous! tell your friend not to be so common! Adults only weddings are for plebs

PosieParker · 20/04/2008 07:26

I would not let my dc to be a page boy either, seems like she's using him.... no she is using him. When I get married I was going to have no kids, then realised with three of my own, a neice and nephew etc that many important people in my life are of have kids.... I've excluded them from speeches with a children's entertainer it cost a lot less than offending all of my friends!!!

oxocube · 20/04/2008 07:27

Extremely out of order. Selfish and lacking in any consideration

LIZS · 20/04/2008 07:31

so he's an accessory

maidamess · 20/04/2008 07:39

Whilst I agree with the OP that the situation is intenable I must take issue with cosima...I'm not a pleb (?) and we had an Adults only wedding!

When you are on a budget, inviting 4 of your friends children at the expense of 4 of your friends seems a bit of a waste IMO.

But I would either withdraw my child from the proceedings or insist on exclusion at the meal.

maidamess · 20/04/2008 07:39

INCLUSION at the meal...its too early for me....

madmuggle · 20/04/2008 07:45

Ah, can she not just hire in some wee urchin from an acting agency to make her photos look pretty? Will save your son the hassle of being taken advantage of at such a young age.

Freckle · 20/04/2008 08:10

What is she planning to do with the other pageboy? Is he being conveniently whisked away after the photos too? Is she having any young bridesmaids? Same apply to them?

She really is nuts to even suggest this arrangement, unless she is secretly hoping that the children's parents will fark off too .

marina · 20/04/2008 08:11

I should bring him some bread and water and make him stand behind your chair at the reception eating it!
You must have realised beakysmum that as the mother of a photogenic child, you are the ultimate in disposable adult at a wedding now. Who gives a stuff about where you are and what pleasure you might derive from the occasion!
Dd is a flower girl at a wedding this summer and expected to do this with no rehearsal (thoughtfully scheduled post bed-time during the week). Frankly I am kind of hoping she and her even younger accomplice rip the back out of the understated dress on the way down the aisle...

marina · 20/04/2008 08:13

Oh freckle, it's quite possible the bride will also sulk at beakysmum's self-centred inability to be at the reception AND taking care of her ds . Don't forget it's her Special Day.

AlistairSim · 20/04/2008 08:14

Tell her you will charge her the going rate for a child model.

And you will of course want royalties if she's thinking about getting copies made.

marina · 20/04/2008 08:17

LOL Alistair. Tell her people to call your people beakysmum

NewMe · 20/04/2008 08:23

Toffee and the ha'penny?

Ridiculous.

BubbaAndBump · 20/04/2008 08:28

Does sound wrong to me! We had a child-free wedding, except for babes in arms and of course the little bridesmaid & page boy. Didn't even dream of asking for them not to be at reception, cheek personified!

TheApprentice · 20/04/2008 08:29

Maidamess , we were the same. Had very limited numbers at our wedding, and children would have meant friends couldn't have attended. (I'm not a chav either!). That said, there were no children in the family at the time, that would have put a different slant on it I think.

However, this is bang out of order - won't the other guests think it is very odd to see pageboys at the ceremony and then not at the celebrations afterwards?

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