My partner and I moved in together about a year ago and so see each other every day.
We probably only go out where he used to live once every couple of months or so for a night out and, when we do, there are invariably a lot of people he hasn't seen for a while or doesn't see very often. A lot of these people are friends (m&f) of over 20/30 years who he once knew very well but life has meant they don't see each other often nowadays. They keep in touch via SM and occasional messages.
When we do go out and see them, they all obviously want to catch up.
I find that, on these nights he actually spends very little time with me. Eg if we go to a gig, he'll spend the time before the band plays and in breaks socialising and chatting with others and stands with me to actually watch the band but we're only standing next to each other - neither of us wants to talk because we're watching the band and it's too loud anyway! So he spends probably an equal amount of time with me (which is what he sees) but I can go for a whole night not really having interacted with him much beyond motioning that I'm going to the loo/bar.
I tend to leave him to catch up with his friends. They talk about people they know, things they've done, people they've bumped into and occasionally reminisce about the past which is understandable but I can't contribute. Sometimes, he'll turn to me and add a bit of context so it makes sense but that interrupts the natural flow of their conversation.
I end up standing on my own or having brief incidental chats with strangers/people I know by sight but that's all.
I've said before that I'd rather he went out on these nights on his own because I end up feeling like a spare part. I spend a lot of time standing around on my own whilst he's off chatting and, by the end of the night, I just feel a bit awkward/uncomfortable/bored and, yes, a little bit resentful. But because he's insisted that I go rather than because he's spent time with his friends.
He says I should just walk over and join them. He would love that and I'm always welcome because we're a couple and we've gone out together.
I've said that a) I feel awkward just walking over to join him when he's talking to other people because I feel it looks a bit 'needy'. I have nothing to contribute to these conversations other than a polite smile and so, when I do, I end up just standing next to him and not talking to anyone rather than on my own and not talking to anyone - because they're not really interested in talking to me either. They dont need to get to know me because they see each other so infrequently. And b) I feel a bit rude just inserting myself in someone's conversation.
He says his other friends' wives/partners just join in but they've all been around for a lot longer than me and so have some shared history with them. A lot of them have known each other since their teens. And their wives/partners are friends with some of the other women in their own right.
We've been on 2 of these nights out over the past month or so because of a couple of birthdays - not parties, just nights out at a club. And there is another one tomorrow.
It's a bit of an elephant in the room for tomorrow. He hasn't really mentiooned it, talked about times or whatever and I don't want to go. I'd rather he had a good night out with his friends without me just being present. But ii know he feels we ought to go together.
I don't think he's being a dick by talking to his friends but he doesn't understand why I don't just walk over and stand with him. I don't feel comfortable doing that.
What do you think?
YABU - just go and stand next to him, who cares if you're included in the conversation.
YANBU - it's fine for him to catch up but you don't need to be there.