To hate living here

[Cheeseandwine30]

Moved into an old farmhouse a few years ago. Looked quite modern and my DH loved the location and outside space. It was the best house we had seen in a while and closer to my family than others we had looked at so seemed a good option at the time. Since we have moved in we have done a lot of work but still a lot to go as discovered so many unforeseen issues. The house just feels a bit battered, it is a money pit and I fear we will never be done. The outside space seems to be left to me plus all of the cleaning and running of the house so I have no motivation to garden when it is hard enough to keep on top of the mess in 4 bed house. To top it all there have been mice in the loft space and I can hear them at night which is mentally messing with me and keeping me up (we have traps but still freaking me out). There's tonnes of spiders, beetles etc too. I don't think the house is unclean, just a lot of entrance points. I feel totally overwhelmed and I can't see it getting better. I would love to downsize and move to a newer house but DH has said he nevers wants to move again as location is exactly what he wants and says the house will be good in time. What do I do? It's making me miserable and just want to run away from it.

OP, I have no helpful advice other than, I feel you. Home ownership really is drudgery unless you have 100k to chuck at it to fix it. Some people thrive on DIY, I just don't.

It's relentless and never ending, if you love it enough, stay and don't sweat the mess. Do what you can to make it home and buy those pest repellent plug ins!

Currently living in a huge 4 bed/4 reception and I honestly just want a small house, I am fed up with it. The housing market is a mess, so dig deep and try to find that pulse in your home that makes you feel good- book nook? Music/stereo listening spot? Under the stairs Sims 4 playing station? I am projecting 😆 but you know what I mean.

Best of luck.

No house is ever finished and some are worse than others but a change of mindset might help. Old houses are generally far better built than new builds, they also tend to have character, more space around them and have a nice feel to them.

I would put up with mice for that. And you might just need to think longer term instead of wanting to get everything sorted. Try and accept that things will need work on them occasionally and enjoy it.

Not nice if you don't like bugs but we live on a planet with other creatures and it's nice to see them every now and then.

Easier said than done but it can feel overwhelming if you're constantly aware and worrying about all the issues/potential issues!

It's good to hear I am not alone and you are right that the housing market is terrible. We have honestly spent the best part of £70k and still an endless list to go. I had found some happiness with nice candles etc and decorating the bedroom but the pesky mice have just ruined that for me. But I guess it could happen anywhere 😫good luck to you too!

Thank you and all good points. I definitely know my mindset isn't helping and it's made me catastrophize a little bit. I probably need to take it one big job at a time than wishing for it all to be done in a couple of years.

I can be the same and I used to work non stop doing jobs in the house (once I got home from work), in things that no one else really noticed but I could see all the issues and wanted things done in a particular way. As you can imagine that kind of thing leads to burnout and I had to force myself to change the way I looked at it.

After that I could enjoy it a lot more and be more measured in what actually needed doing.

I would be more annoyed to live in a lot of these new builds that are full of faults, unconnected sewage pipes, poor workmanship and have the worst of both worlds. A boring house that is also full of problems!

Good luck!!!

I live in a house that’s sixty years old. We’re on very good terms with our local pest controller. Because we live in woodland it’s going to happen. However, we do have magical moments here and the space is amazing. But it’s taken a lot of time to not feel overwhelmed by the to do list.

I would go for space plus an excellent location over a new build anyway. Our pest controller says he goes out to tons of new builds too, apparently the piping is correctly done so the rats can live behind those built in toilets, after having that I was ok with the odd mouse escaping the weather!

Life is too short to be worried for that. Farm homes in all countries have mice and insects. It's part of life. Get a farm cat and put traps around.

I feel you, OP, I live in a very old limestone house and it's like critter corner here! I've honestly never seen so many woodlice, ground beetles and ginormous spiders in my life! I literally spend my life hoovering up their bodies! 😂 You have my sympathy!

Ok you're all making me feel a bit better 😂 the spiders I've seen in this house are off the charts and I've been very lucky in past houses to never have encountered mice. I'm really not the best with insects etc so it's been a challenge mentally but doesn't sound like a new build would be any better 😳
@Youllnevergetabetterbitofbutteronyourknife omg relate to it all and again glad it's not just me. I spend most of my time wondering if I need to clean the house 20 times a day 😂

Well where I live spiders, bugs (snakes too!) are a part of life! Hate it, but can't avoid it! Pest control helps with spiders.

OP, if your DH is determined to stay there, then tell him to step up & do his share of the cleaning & outside work, as you can't & won't do it all. Or you sell up & move somewhere smaller. Then DON'T do it all. If he wants the house he can help maintain it, or you move.

An old farmhouse is always going to need a whole pile of maintenance. However, I thing the problem you may need to addres it this:

"the outside space seems to be left to me plus all of the cleaning and running of the house"

And this:

"DH has said he never wants to move again"

I suspect the house isn't the problem here and a serious conversation is needed. If 'DH' doesn't want to move again he need to get his ass in gear.

Sympathy from here! Critters are hard to deal with

You both need to be happy with where you live. Have a proper talk with DH and explain your feelings. Tell him you want a fair division of labour and share out some areas to be responsible for so its not all on you. Get a cleaner each week so it looks nicer and a gardener if you are £rich time poor and its possible and cheaper than moving.

Write a two year plan or what area is going to get sorted next with budget and list of jobsso you don’t worry about it all at once. But if you are deepl,y unhappy hold out for a move to somewhere you both like.

Our cottage is 170 years old. Surrounded by farmland and a river across the lane. Critters abound. You get used to it, put traps out for the mice. I love the stone walls, sash windows a creaky floorboards. It will be here long after I'm dead. Stick with it, light your candles and have a glass of wine, you'll be fine.

Particularly the male DH type..😉

OMG! I feel ya OP! For 9 years I lived in an old house, in the middle of fields, I absolutely LOVED the setting, but my goodness the critturs were a whole other matter! If it wasn't mice in the walls, it was bats in the roof, and forget to close the doors or windows at dusk, and you'd go indoors to find bats flying all over the place, and have to spend ages chasing the blighters to get them out. Then I'd spend a very sleepless night wondering if they'd all gone, and sometimes woke up to find one flying round the bedroom. They absolutely terrified me! It took us the whole 9 years to get the place up together sufficiently to sell it and we did make a really good profit, but I hope I never cast eyes on another mouse or bat! I know we're all Gods creatures, but although I'm a country girl at heart, having my house invaded by things that didn't belong there, nearly drove me to drink! lol.

Having said all that, if it's your DH who's so keen to stay there, then he needs to do his FAIR share of the work whether it be indoors or out, as big places in the countryside do require a heck of a lot of maintenance and ongoing work. Good luck!

There are plugs that emit a high pitch noise to repel mice they do work well.

We’ve been in our ancient, middle-of-nowhere house for nearly 4 years and the spiders this year are the worst I’ve seen! Something to do with the weather 😬
Practically, get yourselves on first name terms with the local pest controller, buy white vinegar and spray liberally at potential spider entry points, chop down all climbing plants that mice could scale to get in to the house, put up bird and bat boxes so they have somewhere to nest/roost that is not your roof and if you are allowed and can afford, swap wooden windows and doors for alternative materials so there’s nothing to appeal to wood lice.
I love our house but the squatters have been a source of frustration (along with the council but that’s another thread!)
Good luck

Spiders and other little beasties don't like strong smelling essential oils like peppermint or tea tree. You could add them to water (shake well) or cleaning products to clean around window frames, skirting boards etc, to deter them. Keep the place as uncluttered as possible.

I get fed up just looking at the washing up pile every morning and it can feel overwhelming. Cleaning, cooking and doing basic chores is just never ending. And that's before I even get to wish and imagine what we'd do to the place. I spent one day this week deep cleaning a small room. Totally depressing. Would love to replace floors, windows, plaster, paint - sort out the garden and everything - where to find the time and energy? And I'm in a simple two up two down.

Thanks all, trying to take some comfort in these replies as I lie here wide awake with a mouse having a party in the loft space next to me 😣

Pick up the phone and call Rentokil.

Or go out and buy mouse poison. Or both.

I live in a Georgian flat in Edinburgh, and can sometimes hear mice moving around inside the walls.
It's getting colder and they're coming inside for a heat. Same with the spiders.
To be fair, in your location, it was always going to happen!
I second the plug-in pest repellents that emit the high pitched noises. I've just bought some on Amazon that have 3 variable pitches. The highest one must drive them crazy!

A Jack Russell , a cat, and a gardening service should keep on top of the things that bother you.

I hear you OP..my in-laws live in a Georgian farmhouse and it's a never ending money pit, it's really lovely but unless you have staff and a gardener then it's just drudgery with no end in sight usually DH and his siblings help out when they can but we've got busy lives plus our own money pit of a house, luckily my DH isn't against moving. You need a cat to help with the mice but it's not fair he leaves everything for you to do, its knackering...