To hate living here

[Cheeseandwine30]

Moved into an old farmhouse a few years ago. Looked quite modern and my DH loved the location and outside space. It was the best house we had seen in a while and closer to my family than others we had looked at so seemed a good option at the time. Since we have moved in we have done a lot of work but still a lot to go as discovered so many unforeseen issues. The house just feels a bit battered, it is a money pit and I fear we will never be done. The outside space seems to be left to me plus all of the cleaning and running of the house so I have no motivation to garden when it is hard enough to keep on top of the mess in 4 bed house. To top it all there have been mice in the loft space and I can hear them at night which is mentally messing with me and keeping me up (we have traps but still freaking me out). There's tonnes of spiders, beetles etc too. I don't think the house is unclean, just a lot of entrance points. I feel totally overwhelmed and I can't see it getting better. I would love to downsize and move to a newer house but DH has said he nevers wants to move again as location is exactly what he wants and says the house will be good in time. What do I do? It's making me miserable and just want to run away from it.

Turns out one of the mice were stuck in the trap and hadn't been instantly killed hence why last night was so hellish with it struggling in the trap all night long. So hoping that's not a regular occurrence. I do really miss living in town and feel that all the day to day running of the house is left to me (other than currently disposing of the mice) so that's part of what's causing me to hate it here. I don't think DH is aware of just how unhappy I am though so I probably need to be clearer about it and also make it clear I need him to pull more of his weight.

OP living in the countryside is not for everyone :)

You are always going to get more critters there. Most of us will have cats & dogs to help deal with it. Although nothing has worked for me in term of keeping the foxes away...

What was the plan when you and your husband bought this house? what was he expecting to do with your land?

Because it seems that the main issue is that he is doing nothing to help with the outside of the house and expecting you to deal with it is not fair especially as you seem to have no experience of managing that type of stuff.

The fun of having some outdoor space is that you can grow your own vegs, have a pond, raise animals, keep horses...

Can your family help you sort out the garden? can you pay a gardener to do some initial work?

There seem to be some real positive about the house: space, peace and quiet, being near family so hopefully things will get better but you need a serious chat with your husband about him pulling his weight.

Your are right. I have zero experience of a house like this too which has made me feel out of my depth. I don't think we had a good enough idea of what to do with outside space apart from using some of it for garage space which hasn't happened yet. He has always pushed me to gardening in past houses too as though it's my role even though I hate it and do all the inside jobs so I've kinda resented that and it's now been made worse here. There are definitely some positives and we could afford some help if I cut back in other areas. It just feels like I don't really want to live here but could just be the overwhelm from the house plus the current mice issue! I guess there could be issues anywhere so I need to keep some perspective!

OP, please get a pest control person in. And put rat- mouse boxes around the perimeter of the house.

I’ve lived rurally my whole life, in 3 different houses and have never had to worry about mice in the house!’

Yes, we get the horrible big spiders in spider season and I have to hoover everyday to keep on top of cobwebs but otherwise, it’s just a ’normal’ house.

You need a cleaner and a gardener if you can afford it, if your husband isn’t going to pull his weight! I totally feel you re the garden. My husband cuts the grass and trims the hedges, but all the wedding and planting etc gets left to me and there’s quite a lot of land. It’s overwhelming and I just can’t be arsed half the time.

Anyway, I’d stick with it for at least another year, invest in good pest control, regular cleaning and hoovering and you should be fine!

Hot line to pest control and get them to use the toughest weapon they have. I don't mind pet mice but running around in the walls, nope. Mouse mesh over air bricks and the like. Gradually go around and fill any nooks and crannies the little b***s can get in.

Your DH seems to want a servant rather than a life partner.

'Pushed you to gardening'! The cheek of him!

Have you tried telling him you won't do it?

Oh, and just to add, my mouse problem was far worse when my cat was alive. He was an adept mouser, God love him, but brought them inside.

Ha I agree at times! I've put my foot down on the gardening which is why it's a complete mess. In terms of the house chores, he's told me that I don't appreciate what he does but I think it goes both ways and he doesn't realise how much is involved in the day to day, especially running behind someone picking up their mess.

I’ve lived rurally my whole life, in 3 different houses and have never had to worry about mice in the house!

were they modern houses as that’s hugelh unusual. Mouse can squeeze in a hole the diameter of a pencil, and if you live rurally field mice are hugely common, and of course come in, looking for food or warmth.

do you not live in the uk or has it always been very modern houses?

We're not particularly rural but this year is definitely a big year for spiders. Apparently it's due to the decline in the wasp population who feast on them.

I think anywhere with a garden is going to have its fair share of spiders.

Rentokil and/or cats but not all cats are hunters. Our first cats just watched mice pootle around and played with them. The next generation are avid hunters, I never knew there were so many mice living in close proximity. A cat rescue place will often also have feral cats who just want a warmish barn and regular food but have no interest in being indoors.

he's told me that I don't appreciate what he does but I think it goes both ways and he doesn't realise how much is involved in the day to day, especially running behind someone picking up their mess.

Maybe you should write down everything you do and everything you think he does as a basis for a discussion.

I grew up very rurally and we never had mice. We did have at least 6 cats and a Jack Russell though.

We are into year 40 of an old house (1862). It was in a very poor state, but we instantly saw the potential, and being young and fit, took it on. We got it liveable with within 3 years, but then bought a horse (I kid you not) and had years of fun riding, showing, doing horsey things. As we got better income, we got more done, but we chose to do it room by room, making sure we fettled what needed doing, and used quality decor, doing most of it ourselves. We finally got a new roof on after 25 years, but had plugged the leaks well before this🤣 The garden I did down the years, bit by bit, and it’s now something we love. Only really the attic to finish now, but holidays get in the way, that’s a Winter project. I love this old house, wouldn’t want another one, but I wouldn’t want to tackle it now. Hang in there, do it bit by bit as all I can say.I need to add we have no children, so possibly more disposable house creating income than many. It was a choice though. Good luck