To hate living here

[Cheeseandwine30]

Moved into an old farmhouse a few years ago. Looked quite modern and my DH loved the location and outside space. It was the best house we had seen in a while and closer to my family than others we had looked at so seemed a good option at the time. Since we have moved in we have done a lot of work but still a lot to go as discovered so many unforeseen issues. The house just feels a bit battered, it is a money pit and I fear we will never be done. The outside space seems to be left to me plus all of the cleaning and running of the house so I have no motivation to garden when it is hard enough to keep on top of the mess in 4 bed house. To top it all there have been mice in the loft space and I can hear them at night which is mentally messing with me and keeping me up (we have traps but still freaking me out). There's tonnes of spiders, beetles etc too. I don't think the house is unclean, just a lot of entrance points. I feel totally overwhelmed and I can't see it getting better. I would love to downsize and move to a newer house but DH has said he nevers wants to move again as location is exactly what he wants and says the house will be good in time. What do I do? It's making me miserable and just want to run away from it.

I seem to be at odds with most responses but personally I don’t think YABU - you should both be happy with where you live, if you’re still not happy there after several years I think your DH should absolutely be open to moving again at some point. Why is the housework and outside space all down to you?

We kind of have one of these.

At least everything you tackle you know is done and should last a while.

I feel now if we moved I would not know what's lurking waiting to go wrong whereas here we have replaced the sewers, the willing etc so feel like those things should be ok for a while.

There is always something though!

We have had some success with those sonic plug in mouse repellers.

*wiring not willing 🤦‍♀️

I second the gardening service, a few times a year to help you get and keep on top of the garden, if you can afford it. Say every 3 months get them in, cut grass, cut back trees, weed and plant new flowers and then you just do the maintenance in between. The mice I hate hate hate hate!! Sorry meeces, it is you or me and I can buy traps lol. I'd be sealing every damn hole up with expanding foam to halt their march, buying my weight in traps and reclaiming my space.Plus a few sonar plug in's as they do help somewhat.

The spiders I hear they hate chestnuts and some essential oils, I just kill em here. although they don't bother me as such. Hoover is great for sucking em up and disposing of afterwards.

If you can afford a cleaning service occasionally as a treat to yourself and hubby ( more you) lets face it, as women always do the majority of the housework then by all means spend the money on these things. Get them in to do a deep clean once a month/every 2 months and you just pick up the slack in the meantime. Life is tough enough, there is no need to make it tougher as long as you can afford to do these things.

The house I'd personally set one day aside and get stuck into it, change beds, hoover bedrooms, clean bathrooms and kitchen and living room and then go to one of those garage washer/driers and do the whole batch of laundry in one go.

The other alternative is to pay a local once a week to come in for a half day and give you a hand with the cleaning.

I have gotten to the stage in my life there are things I love to do, and things I will gladly pay to have done for me. No regrets either as I'd rather sit and read or relax in my spare time

I feel you! We live in a similar house, and we’re still nowhere near a decade later! But I love the house and location, despite regularly wanting to leave! Get a cat. All our mice issue’s disappeared when we got our two. Light your fire and focus on the nice things about it.

This is what leapt out for me, too, @Cheeseandwine30. YY to all the cheerily wise attitude-adjusting posts above. But what about the husband? If he's leaving you to look after the whole thing by yourself, it's no wonder you feel overwhelmed. You need him to adjust his attitude, and sharpish.

Get a cat and a gardener. And a new husband if this one won't pull his weight!

Your dh needs to pull his weight.
He doesn’t want to move again.., then he needs to do his fair share or pay for a cleaner to come every couple of weeks to clean.
As others have said, hire a gardener to come one every six weeks or so to tidy the outside space. Outsourcing is the key

My best friend would agree with you too. She is divorcing mainly over a house that they got a decade ago. The place while big and beautiful. It is also lots of work and a money pit. The husband was very keen on it. However, he does not help to even change a bulb let alone cleaning. He says is very busy working but it seems he is a mummy”s boy that everything was done for him. He refuses to leave to a smaller place so she had enough she said.
Houses are a big commitment so the whole family must help to look after. Plus a big budget for repairs.

I feel this
We moved to a doer upper in the country 4 years ago and still a long way from finished. We also have outbuildings to rebuild!
It is so overwhelming at times but I like to compare to when we were struggling to rent in a tiny 2 up 2 down and still feel so grateful for this opportunity.
As for the insects and mice, we do have 3 cats and a jack russell and hardly see any mice now!

We have a house like this, ours sounds a bit smaller but it’s got the mice and endless list of jobs. DP is good at DIY but starts jobs and doesn’t finish them, just starts something else. I actually cried once when I got home to find he’d started sanding the kitchen ceiling so there was a layer of plaster dust over every kitchen item we had, and on the floor (including footprints into other rooms). He’d got bored of it and gone to the pub! We had a discussion after that and he hasn’t done anything that bad since.

I try not to think about the mice, we just put traps down and never leave any food out. Can you block any holes they’re using to get in, or is that not possible? I’ve never seen a mouse in the kitchen since blocking all the holes with wire wool but I don’t think the roof space will ever be 100% mouse free!

Does your DH understand how strongly you feel about it? He needs to do more and/or pay for someone to do the cleaning and garden. It sounds like you liked the house initially but no wonder you’ve had enough if you have to do all the upkeep.

This will make you feel better

It sounds very similar to my house.
are you sure it’s mice in the loft? We had rats in ours. DH is not one for diy but he moved very quickly to sort that problem and block the holes up.
The beetles are reducing in number. Every time I see one I kill it. Do a few patrols in the early hours as well. Only got a few now.
The spiders. There are hundreds. Cobwebs everywhere. I have never known a house with so many spiders. I am trying to block the holes up with decorator’s caulk but it is a long job. I hoover th up as often as possible and now the kids are back at school will start using an insect spray out of desperation.
The location of the house is ideal atm but I will move at some point

I live quite rural and little field mice come in regularly. You just need to get the traps out . To be honest doesn’t bother me at all any more. You get used to it,

No one has mentioned the world’s most annoying night time visitor , a big old slug. Comes in leaves a trail all over the rug and disappears.
Nasty little blighter. Good luck with the house Op and like everyone has said tell your husband to start sharing the work.

Get the pest control guy in. They are usually good at spotting entrance points in and you can block those. Never leave front or backdoor open as they are attracted to heat. Traps/ high pitched plug ins/ a cat . Throw everything at it. But pest controller first to clear them.

Ours is an early 19th century farmhouse. Definitely recognise your woe.

The long legged spindly spiders eat the big hairy ones so leave the long legged ones to it. I have cleaners and they regularly hoover the ceiling. Cobwebs appear overnight thick with dust, looking like they have been there for 100 years. Drives me a bit mad.

We have had bees, wasps, bats and mice, definitely make friends with your pest controller. All but the bees went away quicky and we made friends with the bees. Shame the bats left because I loved them.

DH cuts the grass and the hedge, this gives me enough impetus to more or less keep on top of the rest. We have resident owls so I try not to interfere too much.

I also have two house jobs list split into fixing - needs sorting in the next month, and improvements - to do whenever. It makes me feel less overwhelmed.

Do you like cats? We cat-sat for a few months and the mice moved out.

We live in a (pretty large) 12 year old house.
It still has a massive list of things that I feel need doing to it.
It is full of spiders and daddy long legs. No matter how much I hoover.
We even had a wood mouse come in over the summer!
Newer houses do not save you from wildlife or diy!

I've recently moved from a 500yo farmhouse to a modern (well, 20 years old) one - and the mouse problem is even worse than in the old one. I am yearning for my old house.

Critters are a fact of life if you live rurally. Try liberal amounts of peppermint oil (they don't like the smell) and traps.

Gosh I need to know how rural is 'spiders everywhere' rural? I'm looking to buy a house and am spider phobic.

Do you like cats? I like in a old terraced house with holes and we always had mice. I was was always setting traps. Horrible.

Since getting two cats they have left. Occasionally a couple come back and the cats get really excited and spend ages stalking them out (they don't normally catch them) and then they leave again.

I think it's stressful for mice living with cats and if you get rid of the initial infestation a cat or two that you let roam around the house and loft will stop them coming back. My cats try to kill any insects that come into the house as well.

Anyway just a thought and only if you like cats and would quite like to have one as they cost a lot to look after properly and need affection too. I see the mouse thing as a bonus.

Horrible nights sleep and 2 mice caught in the traps in the bedroom but I suspect theres more. DH at least deals with the emptying and baiting of the traps. We have a dog who I think would spend his life terrorising the cat so perhaps not! The dog seems completely unaware of them but does help by eating the spiders and woodlice. We have been trying to handle them ourselves with the traps but think several of you are right that we need to figure out how they are getting in. We had a few last year in the downstairs cupboards but it's the scratching in the walls at night that is terrifying me.
Feel a lot better that it's not just this house though and maybe setting aside a bit of money for a cleaner and/or gardener would massively help me to be less overwhelmed. I spend a full day cleaning each weekend plus the daily upkeep so it's not that I'm not on top of washings, hoovering etc, it just never feels quite clean with the insects and cobwebs and dog!

We have a house like this - every tiny bit needs to be done and looking at it as a whole I find quite overwhelming! My advice would be to focus on getting one room finished (ideally living room) , so you can retreat to that room to relax and forget about the rest in the evenings!

@Cheeseandwine30 I am definitely not on top of ours!

I got two robot vacuums recently which has made a big difference. I just need to tidy enough to set them going and you can do one room at a time.

So much sympathy, that sounds like my personal nightmare. Also assuming it's rural and you are car dependent. if your DH really is against moving, he has to appreciate the amount of work it is to run a house like that, and either pull his weight, or you pay for help for cleaning, gardening etc. But i cannot stress how nice it is living in a newer, small town centre house. It means that house maintainence and cleaning is such a small part of our lives.

I was talking about this yesterday. Old houses are money pits, but I see that as part of our lifestyle and the price you pay of not living in a bog standard house.

We have mice, I hear them scratching at night, we put traps up to catch them, but not sure we’ll ever be completely free of them. Doesn’t bother me too much.