To pull my child out of preschool after a week

[Tooworried1975]

My little boy is really struggling with preschool. He's summer born, so one of the youngest. At home he is chatty, happy, plays with his friends, goes exploring - no issues. He's gone from going into preschool nursery (attached to his future primary school) sad but ok, to sad and nearly crying, to full blown kicking and screaming and then spending most of the 1.5 hour session alone on the reading mat not letting anyone come near him (trying to hit anyone who did). My gut is that five mins of crying on drop off is to be expected, but that over an hour of sustained distress is not healthy. He's not been to nursery before (but has been to a lot of stay and plays with me and play dates). He doesn't have to go, I just thought it would be helpful to make friends before reception starts. But he's so distressed and clingy when he's back (normally he's very confident) that I'm thinking I should pull him out and reattempt for reception when he's a bit older.

Please help, I'm very upset at how much he's struggling.

Based on what you've described I'd consider pulling him out and delaying entry. So he does preschool next year (when he would normally start reception) and then reception the year after.

Thing is you could have the same problem when he starts reception. I had this with my eldest and it does get better. Maybe he could just do 2 days a week for a bit?

Maybe try again after Christmas? Having never been to a nursery before it must be a huge thing. My youngest has been in private nursery 2 days a week since he was 1 and still struggled with drop off the first week of school pre-school so I can imagine it's really hard if they've never really been separated from you or in that environment. I see it similar to you, a bit of crying at drop off is OK but sustained once in class can't be good for them. Hope you're OK, it isn't easy leaving them somewhere they aren't happy.

To add, there are a lot more parents of summer born kids delaying entry to reception by a year in my area so that may be worth exploring if it continues.

It’s only been a week. Give him a chance to adjust. I think it’s better to do this now then when he’s starting actual school.

Look at deferring Reception, and try again in six months or a year. Spent the intervening time at more playgroups etc and a toddler class, maybe without a parent

@Tooworried1975 Aw that must be really distressing for you both. I wouldn't rush, however to pull him out. Talk to the staff see what they suggest. Does he have a special interest/preferred activity that could be set up for him when he arrives? Would arriving earlier when it is quieter be a possibility? This has helped some children at my son's preschool. Could he start with going just for the hour and build up from there? Bring a comfort toy? I would explore some options first as there are many benefits to the preschool year.

Whilst he might be young in the year, many children are in a childcare setting from age 1. I have a summer born but don't think it really applies to pre-school. I think you need to persevere to an extent but with some adjustments like attending for 30 minutes to start with.of a 1.5 hour session is too much.

Can you talk to the pre school staff and see if they have experienced this sort of reaction before and what they would recommend. The thing is if he’s starting reception in a year it’s a good idea to get him used to attending a setting this year when there isn’t any pressure that he actually has to attend by law, if you see what I mean. My DD was similar when she started pre school, she would stand in the corner and not interact at all for the first few weeks. I worked up from picking her up after 10 minutes and then slowly leaving her longer and longer each time until one day she was fine and stayed the whole session. (Then the pandemic started and threw all that hard work out the window… but hopefully that won’t happen to you!!)

We are going through similar with our dd who just started reception. I think I’ve made a huge mistake. Summer born and diagnosed with ASD and she’s not coping.

Totally unhelpful reply. It's not an extreme reaction, it's a very reasonable one.

My DTs started pre school just before they turned 3 in March. I used to walk past and hear one of them wailing. It was awful. They did 2 x afternoons. They then had summer holidays and went back 4 full days and skipped in happily in Sept.

If you can I would pull him out and start again at Easter.

I wouldn't pull him out. Shorten the time he attends so he can slowly settle. Take him in for the fun bits of the day and slowly increase it. He will eventually settle. You may have this same problem next year and you're setting a precedent that he doesn't have to go if he behaves like that. Any additional needs?

It's going to be a lot worse at school if you don't stick with it. It's not even about making friends It's about the routine. The learning.

Agree with this

Pull him out and delay reception. There's no reason to stress out such a small child.

This was my now 11yo. She took around a month to settle. I needed the childcare so pulling her out wasn’t an option.
i was glad I persevered as it definitely helped with starting school and she’s made the transition to secondary fine, although I would say she naturally introverted.
i was the same at the same age and became a lot more extrovert as I got older.
so while I would say if he’s really suffering pull him out, I’d be inclined to give him a few more weeks and see if he settles

1.5 hours is a very short period of time. I think sometimes that makes it worse

Mine were in nursery full time from 12 months and the Nursery Nurses said the full times settle a lot quicker than those who just do 1 or 2 days.

Maybe you could try 2 full mornings for a couple of weeks? Would that be better so DC has chance to get into the groove of it ?

My little one went through a similar thing. There are loads of amazing books you can read with them which make fun stories out of going to nursery/pre school and all the cool things the kids get to do there. We had another good one about saying goodbye and what that means. Topsy and Tim books are really good for explaining to kids about big life events - going to school, moving house, having a baby etc.
The drop off's should improve with time/ perseverance so I'd give it a bit longer but I'd also keep in the back of my mind about deferring for a year if he continues to struggle. Good luck x

Pull him out. It sounds counterproductive for him to be there. Try again in the New Year. Enjoy the bonus time with him, doing exciting Halloween and Xmas activities!

Thing is that school based nurseries are very different from really good nursery settings. The ratios are fucking terrible for a start. I would much rather a child who might find it hard went to a great Sure Start nursery than a sausage factory school one.

I would definitely look at delaying reception for August born. I did it and it was such a good decision for him. He absolutely wasn't ready for school and the extra year gave him time to get slightly into mark-making and simple maths. Plus the evidence on August born is overwhelmingly in favour of delaying.

I had the same thing when my DS started reception (he was a young one too) Looking back I believe I should’ve taken him out and tried again at a later date. The stress of sobbing everyday must’ve affected him (and me). He’s 21 now and perfectly fine but I feel dreadfully guilty for what I put him through when he was little more than a baby and I do think it knocked his confidence. He just wasn’t ready for it.

Do what your gut tells you to do.

Pull him out and keep him home till he`s ready.

My child was the same. It’s awful. A teacher told me it takes three weeks for them to settle. By the third week I was ready to pull them out when miraculously they were fine. I know not everyone is the same but I would give it a bit longer.