To not want to be the sole earner in the family?

[DottyLS]

Dh lost his job two months ago. It was a professional job but not high flying. He turned 58 soon after. He's applied for some jobs but his job search has not exactly been full on. I earn enough that together with using some of our savings we could probably keep going quite a while with no loss of living standards. Aibu though to not want that? He's not really doing that much around the house either, and I'm just not prepared to live like this - him taking it easy while I work and still do a good proportion of the housework. Added difficulty is that he thinks he's doing at keast 50 %!

He needs to find a job. Hasn't he got ten years until state pension age?

And when the kids grow up...?

The woman goes back to work, I don't know any who didn't? How many women do you know that are stay at home wives with adult kids? It's not usual.

It is the man sole responsibility to be the main earner, whoever is a man and does not want it, does not deserve a woman, sex, cooked food and nothing else. Leave alone children.

I don't mind if he does a "lesser" job, but he's not the easiest to communicate with right now. Things are rather frosty!

4

It probably is quite disheartening for him to lose his job at his age. I don't blame you for not wanting to be the sole earner. Hopefully he will find a job soon.

Jesus.

This has to a be joke!

I just think he won't the way he's going about it!!

OK, if their husbands are not happy with it they should say something then like OP is doing.

The difference is that some men use equal
rights as a weapon against hardworking women.

He needs a job for his own happiness too.

2 of them do.
Doesn't get them anywhere.

Does he have a private pension he could pull forward as he's over 55 years ? This could ease your financial worries and he could get a lesser paid job

Presumably their husbands are able to tell them they're not comfortable being the only earner, and will leave if the arrangement no longer suits.

If they're happy for their wives to be homemakers, that's fine too, and is in no way similar to the OP's issue.

Minimal pension unfortunately!

Right, well that's not OP's problem.

If he has his P45 he can claim contributions based job seekers allowance for a certain time period (savings not taken into account for a certain time period)

He should claim here
It also pays his National Insurance contributions until he gets another job

Apply here
https://www.gov.uk/universal-credit

Exactly what I was thinking!!!

OP is quite right not to want it. i agree with her. I wouldn’t neither. Yet how many men are forced into this situation and would be expected to come home and take over when they get in.

I know.
It wasn't meant to be the answer yonthe OP's problem.

The point is DH has never experienced coming home after a day at work, with me having spent the day at home, and needed to do any laundry, or cleaning of any sort etc
So for a start he should do all
of that, and without me having to give him instructions!
But on top of that, as others said, savings should not go towards enabling him not to work. They are for retirement, or for our children, or expenses like home improvements, possibly holidays.

It’s a tough age to get a job, tho domestics could ease stuff, ( yes I gave up work at 59) and I could, little did I know Parkinson’s was soon to be diagnosed at 60, found out had it 5 years.
Is he unwell , or lacking motivation?

YANBU. Delegate all household tasks to him whilst unemployed: cleaning food shop, maintenance, cooking. Maybe that'll be the incentive to job hunt seriously.

On a more sympathetic note is he much of a talker? How has he taken the redundancy,? My DH was broken after he was let go. So something to consider there. He might need a bit of help, maybe some counselling or potentially a career advisor. When I was struggling with job hunting a while ago I paid £90 to have my CV rewritten professionally and just seeing my experience and achievements through someone else's eyes gave me a real boost

Not much of a talker at all. But amways defensive. Really difficult to discuss anything, and getting worse.

So for a start he should do all of that, and without me having to give him instructions!

You need to explain clearly that he is doing nowhere near 50% as it is and that he should be doing 100% while you are working and he isn't. Get him to discuss with you what 100% involves and be prepared to negotiate a bit if he needs time for applying for new jobs. I read something recently that men almost always over estimate how much they do and really often dont have a grasp of all the thing that go into running a house. Not saying they should be like this, but it does seem to be common.

Have you just arrived in a time machine from the 1950s? Welcome to 2024, where women can be the breadwinner! We even wear trousers!