To think his wasting my time?

[user2312]

Hi, was with my ex for around a year and we split, his choice, in the time together he told me he loved me saw a future blah blah blah. When we split he said he saw no future had no feelings etc. A couple of months after splitting we became FWB, said he had no feelings. A couple of months later he said he had feelings and wanted to give it a go how bad he'd treated me etc etc. fast forward 6 months of trying we've had a few big rows and now his saying he's struggling to get past them and his feelings now aren't as strong because of the arguments. But he believes they can grow and we can make this work. Am I just being deluded?
When I broach the topic of what he's done wrong he makes me feel I'm the bad one. It's almost like everything he did has to be forgotten and I have to try get him to now want me! surely this isn't right?

Why?

Get some self respect.

Cancel the holiday and block his number.

You're comfortable with him but also on edge all the time?

BIN

This has been suggested time and time again throughout this thread.
Op keeps coming up with reason's trying to validate being with him.

Are you sure he's getting divorced and not switching backwards and forwards between you and his wife? Whatever he's doing, he'll end up messing your head up if you stay with him.

How many times does he need to treat you like crap before you get the message? He isn't wasting your time, you are! Move on and find someone who treats you right. You deserve much better.

How old are you OP?

I don’t mean to sound cruel but you’ve got nothing with him so the sooner you finish it, the better and less painful it will be. He’ll be gone anyways when he gets bored or he will get other options, i promise.

Instead of ‘starting all over again’, spend a good chunk of time being single… reflect on your past experiences and maybe explore why you accept this behaviour. Work on yourself, it’s such a cliche but it really is true. Then you can start all over with your eyes wide open and bar set much higher.
Do you feel like you don’t deserve better, why is that? Address those beliefs and narratives you hold about yourself that keep you tollerating this shit. They have the power to ruin your life, im not even kidding. Imagine having kids with someone like that and having that anxiety every single day, where’s happyness in that?

You put up with crap in return of some vague hints he has ‘feelings’ for you. Is this a pattern in your other relationships too, e.g. family?

I'm 37. He definitely isn't still with his wife, she despises him. Which should tell me something I suppose.
I don't have this pattern with family or friends I'm very lucky I have great relationships with them. I have never really been on my own before as in single. However I definitely lose myself in relationships, I want to please them and in general I am a people pleaser. I suppose the thought of being alone does worry me and working on myself I really need to do but I know with doing so it won't be easy but it will be worth it. Everytime I think of leaving something changes or a glimmer of hope keeps me from leaving. I left a very long relationship a few years ago from who I believed was the love of my life and still do and I've managed to get through that ( maybe not over it if truth be told) so I know I can do it. It's just hard.

I think you're wasting your time equally.

Dump him and save yourself the angst. You cannot have a FWB relationship with someone you actually want to have a relationship with- too much drama.

He's toying with you, because you're allowing him. There's no incentive for him to do better, because you're there accepting his BS. See how soon he'll dump you for someone he thinks is worth his time and effort.

How old is he? You’re far too young to waste your life on this idiot, just dump and block, because he won’t change. You’re worth more than this.

Everytime I think of leaving something changes or a glimmer of hope keeps me from leaving.

If that isn't textbook example of being toyed with. Hope you find the courage and self respect to leave. All the best

He's treating you like shit and instead of telling him to piss off because you can do better you are instead asking him to forget the relationship and having to be a decent partner and just pop round for a shag instead. Why!? Please spend some time working on yourself, give yourself a chance.

The FWB ship has sailed, there is far too much history, it is too unhealthy at this point. While he is around, playing with your emotions and keeping you on a hook, you will never feel free enough to move on.

You're only 37 (not that age even matters in this scenario) there is someone out there that will treat you the way you deserve, that instead of feeling anxious all the time, will make you happy.

Be brave enough to ditch this loser and go find it.

Why does he get to decide?

Why don’t you decide you aren’t dancing to his tune for “feelings” to grow back? Kick him to the kerb.

Anyone who says his “feelings” die because of arguments isn’t worth keeping.

The relationship is making you feel anxious. That is the reason you should end it above any other. You must never stay in a situation that makes you anxious. The anxiety is literally your body telling you to leave.

I get it that you don’t want to start all over again but you know that is what is best for you. It won’t be easy but the longer you put it off the harder it will get and the more anxious and miserable you will become.

You can and will do better

Help him move forward then with the toe of your boot

DELUDED

He doesn’t seem like a good friend and I can’t see any benefits

so

what’s in it for you?

Please pull yourself together OP. This is a bit embarrassing for you. You don’t need this scumbag in your life.

I'd just dump him. I honestly couldn't be bothered with it and would rather be on my own. He sounds like a twat 🙄

This.
Plus FWB comes at a huge emotional cost to you

Get rid. He has very little respect for you as it is, and you suggesting going back to FWB is just reassuring him that he can treat you like dirt and you will put up with it. I too had low self esteem so I totally get it, but believe me, when you get rid of these a$$holes, the self respect you will feel for yourself will be so worth it. You can do so much better.

I assume he is the best shag ever or something like that because there appears to be no other reason to keep on with him.

Get rid, you can find someone better, someone who respects you and wants to be with you.

If you broke up over past issues and those issues cannot be resolved - this is what is an impasse. It’s time to end it and move on. No FWB, no communication, just end it.

Cancel the holiday or whoever paid for it takes someone else or if it was split but the other out. Life is too short for f**k boys.

But you're not comfortable with him. You're unhappy and on edge all the time waiting for crumbs off his table. FWB should be fun. This sounds absolutely miserable and you deserve so much more but until you leave him you're not even giving yourself a chance of finding it

And yet you are still begging for his attention.

Sadly he's not interested, he is allowed not to be interested. You need to let it go.

Go have fun, you sound young, YOU are wasting your time, not him.