I was at the same point a few years ago. My story was very similar to yours. Some examples:
He wasn't remotely interested in career development or earning more. Meanwhile I bent over backwards with earning more to build our savings to buy a large house that he wanted and refused to back down when I suggested we buy a smaller home.
Marriage relationship dead in the water as soon as DC1 born. Got to the point of me having to beg for small talk.
Zero willingness to plan any activities, days out or holidays though he was always happy for me to do so.
Zero interest in socialising with friends or family. In fact we had no mutual friends. He kept his social contacts very private.
Lazy generally and filthy habits. I have written on MN before about the shit left on the toilet seat and bathroom floor.
Took zero responsibility for home or life admin. The bills he was responsible for were often left unpaid.
Repeatedly insisted on ipad for every single task with DC, such as eating, bathing, getting dressed. Used to stick dummy into DC's mouth before going outside in case they screamed in the shops.
For years I motored along and tried everything to communicate with him. I drove myself mad at times with the rage, anger and frustration which made me a horrible person. I was the one to finally call it a day on my marriage and left with DC with no complaints or even acknowledgement from ExH.
It's very hard OP but you sound like you're realising that your DH is actually not your best friend and not adding much to your life.