Would you be able to see past this?

[clareblue6]

DH does not drive and will not learn. Refuses and says it makes him too anxious. We have two young kids so I have to do all the nursery and school drops and pick ups.
He has a minimum wage job that he constantly complains about but will not job search at all or says he “needs to update his cv” but never will.
If he has the kids he never takes them anywhere, stays in all day and uses the excuse that he can’t drive.
Doesn’t do anything around the house, bar the bins and the occasional shoddy dishwasher stacking.
No interest in diy / house renovation.

But, we are best friends, get on very well and have a great rapport. He is a great father and the kids love him. We enjoy each other's company and love being all together as a family.

I just feel I need more. aibu?

You have no children but you sound a bit like children with your chores and he is responsible for keeping his room tidy.

If the bin is full, just take it out. Does it really matter who does it. Today I feel like cooking lasagne, oh no wait, it’s not my chore to cook. The washing basket is full, but I’ll only do mine as he does his own I couldn’t live like that, with designated chores. Utterly boring.

God I hate to see women settling for this. How low can the bar go?

I wouldn't have married him in the first place, but seeing as you knew he couldn't drive and didn't want to and presumably knew he did nothing around the house before you had kids then this is your own doing.

So the plans was always for him to learn to drive. When we met neither of us could drive. I learnt when I was pregnant with my first baby. Passed when I was 37 weeks.
He started lessons after our second was born, passed his theory and then failed a practical test and gave up. He's not mentioned it or been proactive with booking anything since. (3 years ago)
I keep telling myself that his loss is my gained knowledge/experience but I am burnt out.

It got me so down when my ex didn't drive. He was useless to helping most weekends and got away with watching football whilst I ran the kids about.
His second wife seems to have fallen into this too and he's still being driven around like a little boy

Why are you so fixated on the driving?

That shouldn't be the main issue! Why are you turning a blind eye to the other 99% of his crapness?

I'm not fixated on that really, that's just something that a lot of people have questioned.
I know it's all shite.

How can you be best friends with someone who is so lazy and lacking in ambition

So basically, he's 'fun' for both you and the kids, but not much else.

Sounds like you have three needy people relying on you.

I keep telling myself that his loss is my gained knowledge/experience but I am burnt out.

He's a lazy twat. Why are you spinning this as a positive? Whose idea was this?

What's he got going for him ? Nothing. He needs a massive kick up the arse

Mine 😂 I guess I've been kidding myself up until this point.

My alternative is to find somewhere to live for me and two kids (one with SEN) when everywhere is out of our budget and we have no family close by. It's very daunting.

Is he a gamer? Sitting in the house all day with the kids when they could all be out in the fresh air. A nice walk in the local park, I can't imagine it's any fun for them stuck indoors all day! Seems like he quit on the driving far too soon, there certainly a lack of motivation there. He moans about the job enough will he just quit? Then what? You have yourself one lazy lodger. I'd be making it crystal clear he sorts his shit out or f's off.

My best friend wouldn't let me do all the work and struggle while they do fuck all. He is not your friend his taking the piss out of you.

I could accept driving g makes him anxious but would expect him to take kids swimming etc on a bus. I wouldn't like that he never takes them out.

No, I wouldn't be able to see past this, or indeed engage with it.
But maybe it's my age.

Yes.
My husband is three decades older and does his absolute best.

There's a lot to be said for being best friends.

Personally I'd rather have a family with my best friend than be with someone who's not supportive, kind etc.

Realistically you're with him now. Surely you're not going to break the family up over driving and less money? I would talk to him about the house work, and expect it to improve, but everything else isn't a dealbreaker surely.

There are no guarantees you'd get more either. I'm sorry to be pessimistic but finding another man, without baggage, who you become best friends with AND who cares for your children isn't going to be easy to find. Not impossible, but don't break a loving family over unrealistic expectations.

No one is perfect. No one.

He sounds like a lazy arse, to be honest.

Getting on great with someone isn't the same as them being a good partner.

You know exactly what you’re getting for the rest of your life. Is it what you want?

I would find the minimum wage thing annoying but acceptable, driving I’m not bothered about, it’s the not doing anything with the kids or round the house that would have me sacking it off.

Hes not a good husband or father. He's lazy good nothing moaner.

You are paying for the place you're living in now. Kick his immature, lazy ass out of the house and move on.

Crikey, I’m finding it hard to imagine finding this character at all inspiring. Has he always been this way or has he got worse as he’s gotten older?