To think he shouldn’t be flirting with other women when I’m pregnant

[Jigglypop]

so I’ve been in a casual ish relationship. We agreed to keep it exclusive but as we both lead very different lives we said let’s just spend time together. We’ve been doing this for 7 months, getting along fine. Small bumps along the way about expectations.

Anyway I recently found out I was pregnant, through contraception failure. And I really do not know what to do. He has been excellent, supportive and understanding.

We agreed to have a long chat to see how we were both really feeling and what life might look like if I kept it. I didn’t decide then however I am leaning towards an abortion. The following night, he’s texting me to say how sad he is. I mean literal hours of him being drunk, saying he’s sad but he can’t change my mind, he said he’s crying whilst he’s out.

I sent him some supportive messages but I was kind of annoyed because it’s not exactly an easy decision for me. The next morning I sent him a message just saying I hope he’s okay, I’m sending lots of love and for him to just let me know he’s home safe. I heard nothing all day so I thought he could be mad.

I went on social media, nope he was out with women later that night. I also could see he posted several flirty comments on a woman’s profile. AIBU to think it’s disrespectful to ignore me when we’re talking about something so serious. I was feeling so guilty and worried about him but instead he’s actually fine and has been entertaining other women

It's been 7 months
It's been 'casual'
He phoned you while drunk, professing his want for the child, presumably after a mate showed him a cute baby photo, or relating a funny kid story.
Then you saw his social media
It's been 7 months
It's been casual
You know the end of this story...

I do know the end of the story and I didn’t imagine we would end up together. Or if I kept the baby. I didn’t think we would end up together. But I just get so offended I’m worrying and feeling guilty about him because he’s sending videos of him crying whilst being out?

I just was worrying about him but instead of letting me know he’s okay he’s actually fine he’s just flirting with other women in public on social media

Agree, sorry OP.

It almost feels like he was playing along with how I feel and because he knows how difficult it was for me to make the decision. I know it’s the correct decision but it doesn’t make it any harder. Just absolutely so weird to me

Please get a termination. This is so toxic, you deserve better. It would be really unfair to subject anyone to a shit 'father' like this

I think we all behave in strange ways when we are drunk especially, I wouldn’t have engaged with him at all when out drunk but I think with how casual your situation is you can’t be too surprised he was with another woman. It’s a tough situation OP, all you can do now is make the best decision possible for yourself and lean on any support you have- not him x

Sorry op but it’s casual and you are not in a relationship he has expressed his want for the child but not for you! Two separate things entirely so unfortunately he can and will do whatever he wants.

I would make a decision either move forward with the pregnancy understanding that you are not a item and coparent or the alternative and go your separate ways.

Look after yourself. He can sort himself out. He's just being a sloppy drunk. In your circumstances I wouldn't delay about getting a termination. I don't think he is good father material. Incidentally, I don't think you're necessarily the kind for a "casualish" relationship. That's not a criticism - I wouldn't be either. I just like the feeling that somebody absolutely has my back and I am important to him.

Do you want to be a single parent? Having this child will tie you to this loser (sorry, but he isn’t looking great) for the next 18+ years.

That's a disgusting comment. And I say that as someone who's had an abortion without regret.

Casual sounds good in theory, but most people do not like being treated casually, as you are discovering.
I am sorry you are in this position, the guy sounds like more trouble than he is worth, so would recommend you also terminate the arrangement you had with him as your mental peace is worth more.

i’ve decided to get an abortion. And I know we agreed to be casual, you’re right I’m not cut out for casual. However he had literally ignored me days over a misunderstanding that he thought I was going on a date with a man.

It’s the fact he made me feel guilty and worried instead of just saying hey I’m okay how are you after the conversation it was a straight ignore until I called him. After that I saw all the messages on these girls social media and just thought wow

Yeah, so he wants you to be exclusive while he’s doing whatever he likes, yet another reason to get him in the bin asap 🙄

He should be the one supporting you, not the other way around
I think if you go ahead with this pregnancy you will have to do it with the knowledge you will probably be a single parent and have to fight for maintenance etc
Good luck xxx

I went a bit crazy and liked one of the comments because he literally laughed when I mentioned it to him and lied and said he’s not talking to any other women.

Until I found out I was pregnant I never acted like this. I feel so disrespected and emotional. Yet I know I don’t really want him

This is an observation you are not coming across mature enough to have a baby

Welllll I’m not having the baby so we should be all good on that front

It comes across to me that he's being quite manipulative and is trying to get you to do what he wants with all the messages.

It's fine to have an abortion but make the decision based on what you want.

This may sound harsh but in your situation I'd be making a decision based on being a completely lone parent with no financial support.
Read some testaments on here. A man can say anything and you don't know him well enough to be certain of anything. Even working for an employer it's easy to avoid financial responsibility and no parent can be forced to spend any time with their DC.
My DSis was in her thirties with a long term partner when she became pregnant. He said all the right things until it was too late. She adores her now adult son. He is an amazing man, unlike his father, who has never seen him and simply avoided CM requests from the then CSA, often changing employment then going self-employed. He paid nothing, despite owning a successful business, buying a house and going on to have two further DC.
This is your decision to make.

If you keep on the abortion track then you've got most of our support on MN.

I hope you know not to ever regret the decision, I don't regret mine - we make the best decisions we can at the time. 😊

That's not harsh, it's very clear advice.

Absolutely I know I could never make a decision based on him, however it seemed reasonable to discuss it with him before making any decision.

I knew I would most likely be doing it alone and I could cope but I just know I don’t want that for my life. Thank you for all your kind messages I feel much better today for having ended it with him.

You’d probably have found he sent a completely different response if your decision had been to keep the pregnancy - anger instead of tears; possibly accusations of your contraception failure being deliberate and intended to trap him in a relationship with you.

He’s out and flirting with other women as he feels no connection to the decision making and likely feels no loss at your decision having been “let off the hook” so to speak. Sorry to say, to him you were probably just a stop gap meeting a physical need without him having to put in any emotional commitment.

He is a complete waste of time. No point in even considering him in any decisions you make. Sounds like he's a here today gone tomorrow type of man.