To find it insulting to have colleagues offering to pay for meal

[Crumblelog]

There's a work meal in a few weeks for the whole department. I work in the administrative team (though not in a supporting role to the colleagues in question), there are 5 of us and unfortunately only one of us can attend (different reasons, childcare, one has dietary requirements that cannot be met by venue etc.) It's not expected we attend. The other group of colleagues is about 30 in number and approx. 18 are going, it's very casual. The 18 are split across 4 different sections.

That's the background! Today the overall boss of our department came into the office and said the colleagues had had a whip round and could pay for the 4 other administrative team members to come to the meal and clearly expected immediate gratitude.

I found it really, really insulting. For context it's a chain restaurant and although the pay isn't huge, it's nothing like minimum wage. Everyone can afford to pay for their own meal! I just felt so small in that moment.

I'm not sure if iabu or not.

Responding to the OP, I can see many ways of interpreting this gesture, including one that leaves you feeling patronised and "othered", and a more neutral or compassionate interpretation. Choosing the latter isn't easy, but it may give you peace of mind.

Yes, they had to return the money because the reasons we had said no in the first place still existed. I don't work in the kind of industry where the company pays for meals out. We do all work together, but I meant we don't specially support them, like a PA or similar. In that case, I'd feel differently.