Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

Tough one for me.

My stepson has complex needs and both me and my partner work busy, full time jobs.

Yes it’s exhausting, and everyone is very tired basically all of the time, but without work - I think we’d both go insane.

I don’t think I’d ever have been equipped to not work though, to be honest. I don’t know what I’d do with my time, but that may be because I’m used to being busy in the specific way I am now.

Please! You can't possibly deny that's a benefit to the parents !

Good for you though

You are trying and hopefully with the studying it will lead to a better job

I don't think my dds want to work either but they do, dgd has just gone to school etc.

@FeedingThem Please don't say you are useless. You are doing a lot of very valuable community work and making a big contribution to society. Sorry I just wanted to say that. Don't like people feeling that they are not valuable

Or maybe she suffered mental or physical illness health after her children were all born?

Nobody chooses to get ptsd following a traumatic birth, or pelvic floor issues. Or depression.

And sadly, while you clearly think you pay an unfair amount, your taxes don't stretch to the billions the NHS needs to provide appropriate and timely care for women damaged by childbirth or just about anyone experiencing mental health issues, and many physical ailments too.

If you wanted to be rational about it, you should be campaigning for higher taxes, to boost the NHS to the point where it could actually save the country money by treating illnesses promptly.

But alas no, the temptation to indulge in the knee-jerk reaction and woman bashing prevailed.

Who cares if it's a benefit to the parents or not? It's about giving disadvantaged children a better start, that's the important thing. Wanting to deny that to those children is pretty vile.

Yeah I mean how dare people have problems with their health so not work.
I don't work either, except I think looking after an autistic, low functioning child is fucking much harder than going to work. I literally couldn't do both. I did for a while and nearly killed me.
So I do claim benefits, not much as DH works, but I won't apologise for being on benefits so I can care for my son.
Don't really care how much tax you have to pay.

Providing financially for your children is part of raising them is it not?

Parenting is definitely a responsibility but it isn’t a job. It’s a lifestyle choice.

I don't understand why other factors would be mutually exclusive with "not wanting to work", or why you think good reasons to not want to work are automatically invalid.

FWIW, I have 3 children and have always worked. But I do know from years of being on mat leave/low income, that the system can be scary to navigate.

UC is also affected month to month by your earnings, unlike legacy benefits. That's fine for somebody like me on an annual salary paid calendar monthly, but lots of people, especially people more likely to be in receipt of UC, get paid weekly or 4 weekly. This fucks with their pay and can be a huge setback and source of worry.

Also, finding a job that fits reliably around childcare commitments can also be really hard. If you are a low earner in a part time job, which is what lots of mums in these situations are, then once you factor in the cost of childcare, and the costs of going out of the home to work, it can definitely leave you in a position where at that point in your life, work is not a practical or appealing option.

These days, it is true that on UC you are invariably better off in work than out of it, not least because of the work search requirements. But given the above, it's not that hard to see why "not liking" work, is hardly the driving factor in most parents' decisions, and as the OP knows full well that they're talking specifically about mums who earn little enough to claim benefits, it's very unlikely to be the main reason they are deciding to leave the work force.

From first hand experience, I have always operated on the understanding that while for some family set ups having a SAHP is a luxury, for some, it's a ball and chain, and is borne out of necessity.

This is part of it for me too. My career is something I've worked for all my life. To become disabled and so ill to the point where I could no longer do my physical role was heartbreaking.

But not working at all was out of the question. My career is part of me. Plus I don't want to have to be supported my my husband, or anyone else. I'm a grown adult woman, who yes, is very ill, but can still use a laptop. Until I can no longer type, I will work.

This.. how do they think those of us working 30 plus hours a week and still needing to manage all addional life stuff such as cooking, cleaning and so on manage?! I honestly can't see how anybody can say being a house wife is a job. Those caring for family members with disabilities are obviously excluded.

There are lvl 2 courses in maths and english... which are often seen as GCSE equivalents if you want to do further training. It might be an idea to go to your local college and see what they can offer. They will have a good idea about what funding there is too.
But be aware that learning/training is going to use spoons too.
I did an Access course (you only need lvl 2/GCSE for that), which gets you uni ready. But I burnt out from that, and then burnt out at uni. I had some very supportive tutors that pulled me through, but they wont be there in the workplace.

Some places offer basic maths skills too, which is good for every day life anyway.

If we all decided we didn't work then where would your dla money come from then? Food for thought.

I don't think there's pride in being a martyr. She personally pays my benefits, get a grip. I claim benefits because I have 2 severely disabled children. I could use your taxes and have them live elsewhere with a 24 hour carer would that be better?

I'll admit I'm lazy, I don't want to work, I've never had a job I enjoyed and I like my life despite its difficulties and despite feeling like I'm missing out sometimes but I don't have to work for very good reason and I don't understand why someone would want to work if they don't have to

I chose debilitating ADHD at mine. I also chose chronic back pain and a congenital heart defect. Just so I could qualify for ADP and LCWRA and be judged by others.

Lucky us!

👏👏👏

Giggling all the way to the bank with all those Air BnB profits🤣

Do you think I want to work to pay for your benefits for you to say that?

For me and the poster, you were critizing?

I certainly don't want to work but I have no choice.

If we didn't work you wouldn't get money
Simple as.

How is that food for thought? My children get dla and I care for them. If everyone decides not to work and the government stop dla it's not like they'll magically get better and they'll still need care 24/7

Thankyou , I’m planning on once the little ones are in school and settled (they will start in 2026). I’ve just started a new medication for my pots as well which I’m desperately hoping helps my symptoms as it’s been almost unmanageable so far but fingers crossed 🤞

Absolutely this.
You are doing great. There's a lot of bitterness on MN, don't take it to heart.

That's ridiculous, jobcentre staff aren't eejits, that isn't the normal way of it. People aren't expected to apply for jobs they're not qualified to do, if that's genuinely been the case for you, please make a complaint to the member of staff's manager.

Because we pay for the dla out of our taxes.

For you to admit you're lazy and never found a job you like.
We have no choice, you got to crack on and work.

Don't get stuff for free in life.

The benefits system needs a complete overhaul. Every government is too scared to do it.

Well if I went back to my 'proper' work, I'd earn £1800 a month and pay £1000 of that straight to wraparound childcare. So I'd earn £800 a month. What would be the point of that?

I'm actually self employed now and earn £1200 a month. £400 more than I'd do in my 'proper' job and I don't need childcare.

However, I can honestly say it's tempting to be on £850 a month and do sweet FA. It's bloody hard working PT and doing all the childcare/school stuff. Worst than that, I could actually do a minimum wage job and get it topped up to £2k odd with benefits so I don't really believe the people that say they're on a low wage. They're simply not.

As you’re a disabled person yourself, you should have understanding of the injustice and struggles that disabled people go through each day. Yet you think it’s ok to be inconsiderate and discriminative.

Your disabilities and health conditions are what affects YOU. You know your limitations, you know what you can and can’t do - who are you to decide what other people are able to do and calling some people ‘lazy’ based on their situations that you know nothing about.

I have a disability which affects my joints. It causes severe chronic pain each day to the point where I cannot function in every day life and am crying each day as I cannot cope with the pain. But from what people view of me, you’d tell me to get a ‘sit down’ job. I had an office job - I was in crippling pain there to the point where I couldn’t focus on the job as the pain was so bad, and I made so many careless mistakes because of it. I had to take so much time off due to the pain and also my MANY medical appointments. But you’re saying that I’m ‘lazy’ because I cannot work even though you may have worse disabilities than me yet you can.

Im glad you can work, I’m glad you have access put in place that you can work from home and you should be proud that you have achieved a lot despite your disabilities. But please don’t act like you’re above every other disabled person and know what each person goes through as an individual when you don’t. How do you know they haven’t tried to push themselves through multiple jobs that’s almost killed them just so they can try and work like everyone else, how do you know that a disabled person cannot even physically get out of bed in the morning due to pain let alone be able to work, how do you know they may have ‘good’ days and look ‘normal’ and because they’ve got into a routine to manage their disability yet if they worked - it would push their disability to decline.

Be proud of yourself but don’t judge others