Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

How could I not misinterpret that when

A) the PP you responded to only mentioned mothers taking from the state
B) you immediately started talking about deadbeat dad's and didn't mention people moaning about single mothers
C) the entire thread is about mother's not wanting to work and not specifically single mothers.

If you want to take about single mothers being moaned about, talk about that. Don't respond to a post about all mother's and then be irritated people didn't understand you.

Plus if people don't buy coffee and things like that etc then more people will be unemployed. 🤷 It is good to buy stuff occasionally.

To be fair isn't that most mums? Personally never wanting to leave your children isn't that healthy IMO.

I work 15 hours a week remotely. I have 3 under 5, which included a 8 month old.
I get paid around £1400-1500 after tax.

I also get UC £1670.

Before I started working again, I got paid £1780 from UC.

I'm so much better off working. Now I can breathe, buy more fruit and not worried about Christmas or school donations!

I plan to go full time once my little one is in nursery and then by the time he's in reception my earnings will surpass the UC entitlement and I'll be off benefits. I cannot wait!

I do think a lot of it is laziness. I've not been working for 5 years and i just had to get used to it again and it's been amazing.

I don't understand why people wouldn't want more money tbh

How about folks don’t have kids unless they can afford them and are willing to work and provide for them? And the only folks who then claim benefits are those whose circumstances change or fney genuinely can’t work and provide.

Jesus Christ it was obvious what I meant. When people moan about tax payers money and lazy mum's it's fairly obvious that 9/10 they're having a dig at single mums.
Why argue over semantics.

@Wineandcupcakes that's my point most single mothers are single because the man left them in the lurch when the child was conceived they were probably a happy couple. This can happen to anyone btw.
I get being angry over tax payers money being wasted but direct it at the dads who spend the absolute bare minimum on their kids.

A relationship breakdown IS a change of circumstances. It's a very low number of people who can afford to provide for a child on a single income.

Agree about maintenance but you can't necessarily expect to be able to get a school hours job, I'm a single parent and you have to be prepared to work outside of school hours sometimes.

You seem to be irrationally angry about this, in the context of this thread. Most of this thread has been directed at mother's, whether single or not, who choose not to work and claim benefits to be a SAHM. When the actual choice should be "can we afford for me to be a SAHM, or do I need to earn money gor our family?"

Not angry just exasperated at having to explain what I said three times because someone wants to take it out of context.
I work btw so not trying to justify my own life choices I'm just saying focus on dad's not paying child maintenance if you're so upset over tax payers money going to single mothers

But no one you've responded to saying that has said they're annoyed about single mothers claiming off the state. That's why I'm so confused as to why you're so angry about that particular point.

Not sure why you think I'm angry? Have you read the full thread? There's been plenty of moaning about tax payers money going on single mothers.
Not even saying I disagree with being angry about what your taxes are spent on just direct that anger at dead beats not the parent that actually stuck around 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sounded angry.

I've read a good chunk of the thread but what I said was the PP you responded to about deadbeat dad's wasn't one of those posters. Which made it seem like a very random vent.

How the hell can you tell if someone is angry over typed messages? It's not like I've called anyone names or even cussed? Anyway I thought I'd share my thoughts on This thread like everyone else has and it doesn't particularly matter whether you approve of my choice of comment to "quote" on this thread.
If you disagree with what I actually said fair enjoy but I'm not going to sit and argue over semantics and whether or not I replied to the wrong person

If it was a single income household then both partners would need to enter the workforce when they became 2 households. It shouldn't be a choice that you can leave and depend on the state indefinitely.

UC would pay for wraparound care, but what is available to my DC is minimal. Breakfast club starts at 8.15, no after school club. One nursery which does school drop offs, but only up to age 7. One childminder does drops to their school who used to provide wraparound care for my DC, but who can no longer accommodate DD's needs, so we can no longer use her. I would love to be able to put them in wraparound care!

I got stuck for holiday care over summer, as the holiday club I booked also said they could no longer accommodate DD's needs, and by that point all others were booked up, so I was left with no childcare for the last week and a half of the holidays, during the AL embargo period at work.

FWIW, I still work, but had to reduce my hours to fit inside the school day so I can drop off and pick up (single mam, no family available to help as they are all of working age too, plus they are reluctant due to how high needs my DC are). I'm extremely fortunate that I have an understanding manager who was willing to make those changes and allow me to keep my job. Juggling two DC, both with additional needs plus work on my own is a bloody nightmare, I would LOVE not to work, and I envy those who can manage without while their DC are young.

I enjoy work 15 hrs its plenty lol. My friend lost her confidence so prob wouldnt work now. I think if you too long out.. each to their own though.

I agree with this and I was a FT working single parent who worked to provide for myself and my child!
My child, my responsibility!
PS, I wasn't in a high earning job

Your take home money from 15 hours a week is the same as somebody earning £53,500.

Is that your entire income or do you also receive child benefit + housing and council tax benefit as well?

Housing benefit is included in UC.

I hope my comment doesn’t get lost in them all but I want to ask, can a mother choose to be a SAMH for most of their children’s childhoods and the taxpayer has to fund it? Or do they have to have a disability or mental health issues to avoid going back to work when their children are a few years old?

No, the uk doesn’t offer this, if you wish to be financially inactive you need to pay for it yourself, of course some will try to pretend and avoid work,but new rules will now force these people into employment from 25.

But staying home and others paying for you is not a lifestyle choice offered in the uk,

Ok then why are there so many angry comments about mothers staying home with their children and not working? And what are the rules?

That’s why for generations couples have stayed together for the sake of the children. It’s still an option by the way but you would not think so when reading MN as so many mums are encouraged to LTB. The welfare state steps in too easily and actually encourages men to leave their children. They know if they don’t pay someone else will. It’s a ridiculous state of affairs.

Understand.

42 years old, childless, never married - always worked - went to a job interview today on a Saturday but feeling like I’m going backwards.

I have started to wonder about the females who never have this worry.

Then I did meet two ex colleagues I worked with just over a decade ago and they’ve gone completely grey hair already, looking great, just the hair kind of got me, bit spooked.