Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

I'm not so sure. Me and my friendship group have all hit over 55. I want to do courses to show that I can do the IT required when I want to go back to work (not that anyone will give me a job at 60). My friends are applying for jobs and getting nowhere. Get rid of ageism and you'd have your workforce.

I can remember in the 90's when the Torys and press were attacking single mums (not my situation). I'd see the Mums doing their best for their children, looking after elderly neighbours, volunteering during school hours. Then I'd see the single men, sitting outside the pub all day and in the betting shops, the younger men would be into petty crime. When I did care plans for people at home, they were always propped up by the unemployed women around the service user. I've started reading in my GCs school, again it's out of work women. We do a lot of unpaid labour that has a massive contribution to society.

I would Never donate to the RSPCA.

Wait a minute, "A particular type of economy might rely on..." people working?
Name me an economy which doesn't rely on people working.

Ah, so you have massive privilege.

Well done I guess.

@Fleeceyhat are you not worried about having your children removed by social services?

I am so glad I worked when my DD was young. I now have a business and have super flexible working which is great. I spend so much time with DD now that she is a teen but I’m able to freelance or pick up a decent paid job due to my experience if I wanted to. However I must say that the short time I’ve spent on Mat leave recently mixed in with the flexibility I have, I am almost dreading returning to working “full time” and balancing it all again.

I can imagine that must be a factor. I personally enjoy work but I am also lucky to Be in a position whereby I love what I do , it’s all done from home and I have an amazing support system. If one or 2 of those factors didn’t exist I can see why working is a turn off.

I was on UC when I was made redundant and I wish the government hired better work coaches that could match people to their skills. For my business I took on young people on UC via the job centre and they were so passionate and loved it!! Some said that they were so pleased with the placement. More job centres and work coaches need to do a better job preparing people and maybe some investment needs t go into apprentice like work schemes.

FFS, why do you think that?
You can be disabled and take good care of your kids!

Most people DO work.
To say "If I can work, most people can work" whilst a nonsense because "most people" already work, is further nonsense because you have no idea what other people's health conditions are.
It is NOT easy not to work. The benefits system is a mess, poorly managed, and not designed to help.
Don't believe what you see on your Channel 5 documentaries.

No, they dont.

As someone who has vast experience with the benefits system, yes, it is a mess, but it easy to use it and not have to work. I'm guessing you don't know anyone who knows exactly what to say and do to proudly, "Play the system".

I've never watched Channel 5 in my life. HTH.

For me this was a big reason why I always stayed in the workforce, even though childcare costs meant I was only breaking even a lot of the time when kids were young. Taking long breaks is hard as you lose skills, contacts and confidence. The thought of going back can become overwhelming.

I don't understand why someone would want to work if they don't have to

Exactly. People act as if they get up in the morning and go to work just for the sake of it. Just because they like being there and wouldn’t rather be doing something else.

I work 16 hours a week and I don’t actually need too as I’m a registered carer for my disabled children. It’s only about £800 extra a month and I do it so I have a break away from them twice a week. Saying that, I’ll never work one hour more than 16 hours because I simply don’t want too. I‘ll probably go down to 8/10 hours a week in a few years just because I can.

I personally think a mix between receiving UC and paid employment is great. Free dental work, free prescriptions, discount of glasses, up to 85% of childcare costs paid and 30 hours funding under the working parent scheme. And before anyone tells me, ‘I don’t want to pay for your lifestyle,’ you don’t, trust me. Google the percentage of benefits that were spent on UC for the tax year of 23/24. You’ll be shocked

It’s not a massive privilege. It’s literally common sense?🤣

The difference is that the market for corner shops is only so big, meaning that it's just the odd property that gets converted in this way - also corner shops are a benefit to current residents.

AirBnB hollows out entire neighborhoods and is pretty detrimental to communities in a whole lot of ways.

The UK should restrict AirBnB a LOT more, while making it easier to build hotels. Hotels can be stacked up high, unlike houses. They are also self-contained and can be kept at a slight distance from residential properties and built for tourist purposes, such as extensive soundproofing (meaning residents are less likely to be annoyed by noise), and can be deliberately located near public transport so that extra traffic and parking issues are not generated.

This, this and THIS.

I couldn't have put it better myself. I've always said if I could just parent without the additional slog of the weekly tasks plus working, I would be a much better & present mother.

Instead I run around each day like a headless chicken, so overwhelmed with everything constantly. I work in finance & it can be really stressful, then get home to more stress.

In an ideal world I would have a partner who earned a decent wage & I could stay at home and raise our children. I can't give my job or my child 100% of me, I somedays I feel shit at my job & a good mum & others I feel like an awful mother but brilliant at my job.

Universal credit don't make going back to work for single mothers very appealing, they scare monger us into taking jobs that are unrealistic and simply don't work. In some situations the mother is actually better off not working until a child is of a certain age.

Women have the weight of the world on their shoulders, whatever we do will never be good enough.

As the saying goes 'women are expected to raise children like they don't work, & work like they don't raise children'.

Name a non-capitalist economic system which has produced more innovation, technological development or scientific collaboration.
Then explain why this non-capitalist economic system is better for the majority to live within.
I am not in favor of laissez faire capitalism either.

Summary of main points so far:

Ignore the dads who don't stick around to raise to raise their kids and refuse to contribute financially because mum should suck it up and do the work of three people while suffering from health issues. To facilitate this, kids should be shoved into care between 7.30 and 6pm regardless of whether they can cope with it.

I think it's just wrong for kids to be in child care all the time

People should work. Not working is unhealthy.
No woman is forced to have children. It's a personal choice.
Having children should not be viewed as an alternative to work, or a source of income.

She has profound needs

Are you her social worker? Thought not.

If you yourself had babies in an NHS hospital and sent your offspring to a state school, then you have probably taken far more out of the kitty than you put in. If any of your babies ended up in a NICU, then you're looking at far more funding of "choices".

The government funds or funded in the past the facilities that make possible all of your "lifestyle choices" including the choice to drive on public roads or commute using a bus or train service, or use broadband or electricity or gas. It funds your security when you travel through airports or ports, and it guarantees your money in the bank.

It defends the land, the seas, and the airspace of the UK from threats even if you decide to buy ten years' worth of tinned sardines, cream of mushroom soup, and bog roll, fashion a tin foil hat for yourself, and go and live in a bunker.

And you can't demand a refund because you don't personally use any of the services the government pays for.

If you want to take up arms against the current welfare system, make sure the policies you favour don't hurt women. They are too easy and - to judge from this thread - too popular a target. The best move any government could make to reduce the welfare bill, the waste of money in education, and ultimately the prison bill would be to force deadbeat dads to financially support their children.

@mathanxiety Nope. Privately educated family for five generations, private healthcare and no NICU. I don't drive myself any more, don't use public transport, don't use gas and I don't travel on planes or boats. So no, I doubt very much that I've taken out more than I've put in.

I didn't at any point refer to women, by the way. I think ALL people should work if they can, unless they have the funds to support themselves. I also agree with your comment about fathers who don't pay child maintenance, or try any way possible to get out of paying the correct amount. It's appalling.

Erm I think you’re being really naïveand sound like your own life experiences are quite small...
Many mums (and people) don’t work and aren’t on benefits. There are many people whose family set up is not like yours and very different to yours.
I think for those women in the demographic you are talking about who are not working and do not want to work, there are thousands of reasons. Ranging from confidence to DV to health problems. You literally seem to think that life is either black or white and frankly it’s not. There are millions of people all living different lives. Try and be more open minded and live & let live. Everyone only has their life to live!!! I suspect you’d be even better off if you focussed on running your own race than thinking about what others are doing. Maybe then you could leave all the money saving forums etc!

Some people will rather rely on the government to pay for them, this is usually learned behaviour along with being lazy. At least a mum has a semi excuse to not work although I wouldn't personally