Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

Of course none of these people are busy during their "time off" taking care of older parents or supporting children because it will be years before their children get an appointment with a mental health HCP, or an appointment tondisgnose learning disabilities, and their elderly parents have nobody else to help them with grocery shopping, showering, cleaning their homes, or doing their laundry.

Of course none of them are burned out and unsupported at work, dealing day or night with awful people, sucking up abuse from students or patients, or heading home to face into hours of marking or planning.

I don't understand why someone would want to work if they don't have to

do you understand this was the comment I was responding to?

I thought you need qualifications for scaffolding?.

The MN answer to that is - we do all that too and work 40hrs 🙄

What's it got to do with money?

Thousands of years of human evolution, building all these facilities, creating technology to replace jobs, and you think this comes down to money?

There's plenty of money about it's just in the pockets of a select few people who take a slice off others hard work.

Perhaps if they stopped doing that people might be inspired to work for the good of others and not just to line the pockets of a select few people.

I'm pretty sure that people don't choose poor health in the majority of cases.

You remind me of Scrooge after listening to the charity collectors’ plea.

My parents and grandparents never worked. According to ancestry I come from a long line of domestic servants and labourers. I went to college and was ridiculed so dropped out. I managed to get level 4 qualification studying at home but honestly I've never had a job I enjoyed. I'd love to have a passion, be that a hobby or a job or something but in reality I don't think anyone would want to work but I thank you for trying to help me understand.

Yes, I understand. Those jobs you used as examples are pipe dreams for many. If you are unskilled and low paid, then it's understandable that you would not want to work if you didn't have to.
Edited to add - If you know there's no way out if unskilled labour for you, then absolutely many would choose not to work.

Even in many of those careers people suddenly find themselves out of work and treated poorly. It's happening to a lot of lecturers right now for example.

I think people do want to work and be part of something. We're just not set up that people can take pride in what they contribute so don't do it. It's a disease.

What a load of crap are you even talking about.

It has got everything to do with the taxpayer's money. The people who work do actually fund benefits.
The workers are not actually 'benefiting' at all...

The amount of tax/national insurance, to which people pay, sadly we cannot all just 'tax dodge'

Yes it does sound awful and judgey, and no, you're not "trying to understand".

Anyone with half a brain and an ounce of human empathy could easily understand that women in particular are stretched very thin and have over the last fourteen years had enormous responsibilities thrust upon them by the party whose leader once stridently proclaimed that there was no such thing as society, only families.

What "families" means in reality is women. Women who are not qualified to deal with geriatric issues or special needs children or the human devastation leftninnthebwakenof an abusive man, forced to make the most of the terrible hand they have been dealt.

Meanwhile, the last Conservative governments spent fourteen years not enacting legislation to make it impossible for feckless men to walk away from their financial responsibility to their families, and making sure women's access to free legal aid was severely curtailed.

@Edenmum2 You can be a dedicated mum and work as well. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

Tax is a protection racket for low earners, and a bung to the government from the rich to take a profit off their hard work.

You are merely indoctrinated into this ridiculous mafia style system.

Strange how the OP is nowhere to be seen since starting all of this

Yes to the Dickens reference.

He knew his people well. If he found some way of returning to today's Britain he would wonder why he ever bothered putting pen to paper.

Yes. I am on UC, and have been told on MN I should be grateful. Maybe I should self flagellate in public, and treated like I have personally marched them to a cashpoint and asked for money (been told that on here too).

Agree.

It's bitter and disgusting.

@DoloresHargreeves I Air b&b my own home after my partner left and I lost my job while pregnant. It's not "immoral" or bad for the community in all cases.

Being able to move in with relatives and let out my home has stopped me from losing my home and also kept me off benefits as that's what would have been the alternative. It also provides my cleaner with a livlihood.

FWIW it's actually quite hard work. I spend significant time communicating with guests (even when I was in labour!) and I spend time and money making sure my home keeps up with changing government requirements for STR and generally fixing issues. It's not actually profitable, it just covers the bills and stops me falling into debt and keeps me afloat during this difficult period.

I'm guessing benefits are like that for lots of families with young kids - it's just a temporary thing.

I'm going back to work soon and I can't wait. I love my son and grateful I had time off with him but I love providing and building a nice life for us both.

You do... but my work coach said I would have to apply for such jobs despite not having the qualifications. Job centre want you to tick boxes, even if you are not suitable

This meme came to mind as soon as I saw the thread title.

I was a single mum on benefits to 3 kids.

All neurodivergent in some way. One in specialist school with transport.

I have done a degree, now doing a masters and working full time. It's difficult, I and my youngest are out of the house 7-7 some days, my son comes home to an empty house. It's not ideal, but it's what it is.

I am not naïve or judgemental enough to believe everyone feels or can work the same as I do.

There are women who end up in awful situations and it is difficult to break out from that and I don't think that UC actually helps. It's very punitive, not supportive.

If one of us being a SAHP was an option, I think it would be DH. I love my DD beyond words, she’s my everything and our rainbow. But I have a career that I really enjoy, and a second job that is much more than a job. I can’t give them up and I don’t want to.

DH would in a heartbeat, he has the same second job and again even with a euromillions win wouldn’t give that up. But he would without a second thought not have a full time job in order to look after DD.

But I’m lucky, he’s bloody brilliant around the house, yes I do most of the mental load, but he does most of the housework.

I would love to be able to go back to work 3 days a week, but it’s just not possible. So I hope I’ve established a way for us to have 1 day as a family, 1 day each on our own with little one and the rest between childcare.

It's not a disease. I work, I've damaged my health working in a trade, I've done some crap minimum wage jobs. I've had periods out of work being a trailing spouse bringing up my own children and someone elses, I also have a disabled DS and now a parent with dementia.

The time I was happiest was the time I spent bringing up my children when I wasn't working. I would give up work tomorrow and happily have plenty of fulfilling things to do. I have no comprehension of the people who claim they'd be bored and unfufilled if they didn't work. I've pretty much hated or just endured most of my jobs. I'm now self employed, but don't earn a lot and even that is destroying the love I have for doing something that is now just a means to earn money.

I think the person that originally responded to you is confused because you can somehow cope with the full on responsibilities of caring for numerous children you haven’t mentioned if you get enough support (unless they’re being neglected in some way) in which case why could that support not have extended to you getting a job. That is a rhetorical question. Everyone with jobs will have their own lives, mental and physical health issues and even disabilities so it can feel like a choice if others with the same choose not to work. But I am also autistic and I kind of have to pick and choose what I can manage because I know I don’t have as much energy and lose my ability to function if I try to do too much