Annoying FIL, i am gonna loose my sh**!!!

[AnxietyLevelMax]

We barely see each other due to a distance…relationship is also a bit rocky but oh well... i just cant stand my FIL! Arrived in the morning and whole day to a 3.5yr old…”oh we will pack our bags and go back, you are not happy we are here”..”come give me a kiss or i am going back home”..”i think i will give all your clothes to a boy next door” (bc he wasnt into looking at them properly cause he got some toys as well and was excited about them more). All said as a joke, not in a mean way but to get constant appreciation and attention and show how DS listens to him… winding him up ALL THE FREAKING time!!! Which causes ds to get upset eventually and then we hear as in those moments we need to show who is the boss bc he will walk over us and keep getting more and more angry always

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

And he keeps taking his things/toys or whatever asking for a kiss or cuddle because he wont give it back…for fu** sake

Next time he suggests packing his bags - offer him a hand, and a lift to the airport.

Do you call him out on it at all?

If he repeats the same comment about going home, tell him each time how many times he has said it.

When he demands a kiss / cuddle whilst withholding a toy, tell him that it's not on to bribe someone to give you physical affection.

Call it out every time, but factually and without anger, at first. If he doesn't listen, remind him that you are the parent and what you say, goes.

Oh i wish but it would cause world war III and its only a week…

”come give me a kiss or i am going back home”

To FIL: "Fine FIL, BYE"
To DS; "your body belongs to you, you don't have to kiss anyone".

And repeat, loudly and performatively.

This is literally my FIL. I have no shits to give and DH knows where DD is concerned, I will not sugarcoat things.

'emotional blackmail doesn't work I'm afraid'

And in a patronising tone with a finger wag 'empty threats undermine your credibility. He won't believe a word you say if you carry on like this'

This is what my MIL gets from me.

Yeah your DH needs to have a big conversation with him. Could you try similar questions to this when he starts his rubbish? Why are you trying to upset your grandson? Why are you not respecting his boundaries? Don't you want him to love you for you instead of manipulating him into showing affection to you? Or just fuck off FIL stop being a prick to our son

And I'd take the toy off him. And give it to DS. Honestly this kind of boundary-crossing 'humour' is harmful. No one harms my child.

I try my best to call him out on it, i also ignore or say back in a same joking way “ok bye bye dada” as you suggested, but it is just bouncing back off him.
i have to admit i have a huge problem putting a boundaries in place because we off everything in the past which is another thread

Where is FILs son in all this?

Show FIL and DS (watch it first, there is some PG stuff) this:

No joking. No laugh, no pretending to have the same energy.

Neutral face and tell him. No softening it.

My husband agrees with me but also struggle with boundaries. If things are getting too much he is first to put a stop to all the nonsense and we had fall outs in the past, but really we are stuck here

If my DH wasn't calling him out and making stop to it, I would. This is harmful to your son's development.

Why is he staying for a week? It’s too bloody long. Can you think up excuses to get out with DS? Leave DH to deal with the plonker.

Call him out, every single time. Your ds has nobody to protect him if you don’t step up. Who cares if your fil is offended? He sounds incredibly thick skinned anyway! Absolutely show him the consent video. I constantly told my cousin that her dc don’t have to hug me, they see me twice a year, I refuse to insist that they hug/give me a kiss, bugger societal ‘norms’.

If he takes your dc’s toys, take them back off him and tell him that you don’t use withdrawal of toys to demand physical contact. Who cares if WW3 happens? You need to protect your child and put in some boundaries. I’m a little exasperated at the seeming lack, no wonder he keeps doing it.

And freaking again…DS Going to sleep and FIL teasing him he will be watching paw patrol all by himself now…like wtf

Pull him aside and have words. He’s being horrible.

Your FIL sounds toxic. DON’T let him try and blackmail your son into giving him affection. Ask him not to take DS’s toys - they don’t belong to him, and he’s nothing other than a bully, taking toys from a three year old. Unfortunately, OP, you are going to have to address the situation, and sooner rather than later. I’d speak to him when DS is in bed, and just say straight up that you don’t like it when he takes your son’s toys away, or tries to blackmail him into giving his Grandad a kiss, or threatens to give his clothes away. Just say this is not how you speak to your son: that his toys belong to him and are not bargaining chips, and that if he wants to give a kiss he can, but please don’t pressurise him into it. Unfortunately, if you don’t address the situation, it will continue because clearly he thinks he’s being humorous rather than behaving in an unacceptable manner.

if i properly address anything he takes an offence amd there is a big row and guilt tripping, black mailing us etc
i know you are right, all of you. Its just very hard to do with him. I am also pregnant and feeling rough and have no power for his bullshit at the moment

Then get Dh to step up. Forgive me, but he sounds like a wet lettuce.

With him its rather you take me as i am or cut the contact completely. Is this enough to cut them out? It will mean cutting mil off and ds and her seem to have very nice relationship, ds misses her and likes spending time with her

He might sound like it as i am only speaking about this certain behaviour but its far from being true

Then he should be protecting his child from behaviour I bet he experienced as a child.

Come the fuck on, you and your husband aren't "stuck" anywhere. Grow a backbone and protect your child from this idiot's teasing and bullying. You're a grown-up in your own home, act like it. Tell this twat he can either behave or leave.