Ghosting a good friend because of grossness

[Woopdoggysycamosiy]

I don't like ghosting- had it done to me and I've done it to others but never a good friend. However, I now find myself gradually distancing from a friend who is great in every way...apart from she really grosses me out! I know this sounds very childish and like I should get over it but it really affects my wanting to spend time with her. Basically she will sit there scratching her ear, then inspect whatever has come out of it, then flick it away! Sometimes onto my sofa or floor. Or she scratches her head, pulls off a scabby bit, pulls it out of her hair then flicks that away. Her fingernails are filthy. Apart from that she is the loveliest person and fun to be with until I started noticing this and it's constant. I mean, every time I see her. What do I do?

Good friends are precious- get over it (and here's how...)= you are being unreasonable

Yep- that's disgusting and I'm going to suggest what to do about it = you are not being unreasonable

@Woopdoggysycamosiy did you speak to her about this? I agree with the pp who said she probably doesn’t realise that she’s doing it and it’s not worth loosing a good friend over it! Tell her (lightly) but don’t ghost her!

This

What happened? Was she mortified or okay about it? Are you still friends? It was really adult of you to confront things head on, so I’m just curious to the outcome!

If you can’t have a conversation about it, then you have to ghost her. That will hurt her feelings so her feelings are going to be hurt one way or the other.

If you hurt her feelings by gently asking if she’s aware that she picks and flicks (she may be so used to doing that at home she’s unaware she’s doing it in public) you’ll be doing her a favour. Tell her that you don’t like it and are sure, if she does it elsewhere, other people will be far more blunt about calling her out on it.

She’s likely to be embarrassed but will be more aware of her habit in future and not do it. If she gets defensive and claims it’s normal or other nonsense, ditch the dirty cow. Then you won’t be ghosting her because she’ll know why she’s sitting at home alone surrounded by ear wax and scabs.

meet her in public spaces. Tell her to stop picking when she starts.

Just catch her when ever she starts and say in a warm voice ‘ please stop, it makes my stomach turn’ and repeat as often as needed

I had a friend that did similar but it wasn’t just skin picking, it was scratching, biting nails that got deposited on floors, hair pulling also deposited on floors, flicking micro what Evers that came out of scalp and fingernails, forgetting to wash hands - was jus plain stressful. Wouldn’t go round for lunch, didn’t want her in my home and I just thought I’m exhausted just being around her. Final straw that I went round to hers and found myself gagging - so yeah no advice but I disentangled from the friendship. Wasn’t doing it for me. Sometimes we don’t always have to keep friends. This one just didn’t suit me.

As soon as she starts next time, place a box of tissues next to her and let her know she can help herself to them if she needs one. Use that action to start a conversation... "I've noticed you're scratching your ears and scalp a bit lately. Is everything OK? Maybe somethings irritating your skin that needs looking at."

If she's averse to visiting the GP then encourage her to go to her local pharmacist. If she explains the symptoms there, they may be able to suggest something. Most pharmacists are incredibly knowledgeable, and they usually have a little private room if you don't want to voice your symptoms in front of others.

Grim
Op I'm the same I'd rather avoid than have the conversation.
My dad does something similar he'll use the long bit if his glasses to scratch his ear, then wipe it and rub on the sofa. I have told him though and he still does it. So even if you do have the convo it may not stop her from doing it..

I said it in a really light, friendly, breezy, jokey voice. Hope that makes sense?

She walked in and I said ‘bloody hell Angela (made up name) your feet are whiffy - did you forget to wash them this morning lol’ She said ‘really, are they bad?’ So I laughed and said ‘stick your nose inside your trainers and you’ll find out’

To be fair, she did and said they were really stinky. It opened up the door to having a conversation about how I had noticed it a few times. She is massively house proud and her home is a serious ‘show home’ and I steered the conversation down this route and asked if she had noticed her carpet being a bit whiffy.

I think she was a bit embarrassed and we haven’t mentioned it since, but she did listen as her feet don’t smell anymore. She bought new trainers too.

We had been friends for about 20 years, so I knew how to word it and the tone of voice I think was important. I definitely didn’t use the word ‘smelly’ either. Whiffy was so much softer.

We are still friends (we are going out for a meal at weekend). She was and still is a very important person in my life and I had to speak to her about it, as I knew other people would just talk about her behind her back, which I didn’t want to see happen.

I would 1000x prefer to receive this than a shitty anonymous note as another poster did. That was an awful way to handle it. This was honest, private and good humoured.

Oh good lord. Wiping your body detritus into things other people use or have contact with is vile