Mum friend didn’t show to DS’s birthday party - no reason given, WWYD?

[HollySizer]

A mum friend who I see regularly was invited to my DS (3) birthday party at the weekend. Checked in with her a couple of days prior and she confirmed she would still be coming.

She was a no show and I haven’t heard from her since and I’m really pissed off. I am not bothered by the fact that she wasn’t there, but that she didn’t let me know and hasn’t given a reason.

I’m not sure how to proceed when I see her this week at a toddler group both of our DC attend!

AIBU to be so pissed off?

"Hello X, We missed you at DC's party; is everything ok?"

In fact, not sure why you haven't messaged that already.

Nobody is ever unreasonable to be pissed off, it is a natural human feeling but did you ever consider maybe something happened in her life and she couldnt go? Also, invitation not a summons is a real thing. Maybe she just didnt fancy it on the day and nobody 'deserves' an explanation unless they have done soemthing to alter the course of another persons life.

I wouldn't be pissed off about it, more worried if you are in regular contact and she hasnt said anything.

To be honest get use to it for parties though. This year (7th birthday) is the first year I didn't have any no shows at DS's party. Two dropped out the morning of but messaged me. I usually have 1 or 2 a year.

She could have had a family emergency? Or has maybe been so busy she forgot

Yes, exactly.

In going to hazard a guess that something happened and maybe the party isn’t forefront of her mind the way it is yours. When you see her, just ask if everything is ok.

She is definitely ok. I have seen photos of her with her DC at the farm yesterday.

She could be dead for all you know. Someone here is a bad friend, but it is not her!

Seems so logical doesn't it, surely you'd start to worry if you'd not head from her and message her rather than sit there fuming she didn't attend?

As others have said, unsure why you have stewed over this rather than just asking her outright. I’d assume she forgot, it happens.

In my opinion, it is definitely deserving of an explanation when I have paid for her child and she didn’t let me know that they wouldn’t be coming. Even if she did have an emergency, she could have messaged an apology the day after.

Just send her a message - we really
missed you at DS party. I hope that everything is ok and I’ll see you at toddler group. Xx
I’d be more worried than annoyed if this is out of character.

She confirmed on Thursday that she would still be coming.

It is rude especially when you've paid for her. I'd have to say something.just say "Why didn't you come? We were looking forward to it".

But that’s why you message her at the time, on the off chance that she forgot/had an emergency.

'You confirmed on Thursday that little Damian would be coming to Rolo's birthday party! What happened? Why didn't you come?' The children had a lovely time, I wish you had let me know you weren't coming!'

The I would be very curt with her at the toddler group and only give the basic of acknowledgements.

No - ‘Didn’t fancy it on the day’ is mad inconsiderate and self-centred when someone has factored you into their plans; probably bought your kid a party bag or food or given numbers to a children’s entertainer or payed for softplay etc etc.

OP - I’d message your friend incase somethings happened, check she’s ok.

Needlessly aggressive opening, something bad may have happened. I’d be checking she’s ok before sending a message like this.

Why wouldn’t you bother to check that nothing awful has happened before you start being stroppy.
This is supposed to be a friend.
If this is out of character behaviour I’d be worried about her.

I'd start off kind but be sure to ask why. You can never know exactly what is happening in someone's life and this sounds out of character.

I had a friend like this in the nursery years, I hated how flaky she was and her on-line life was full of happy pictures of her family out and about. However, it later came to light that her DH would sabotage any plans she made without him, l, usually some family crisis he created, then if she went to message an apology he'd accuse her of being more interested in her phone that their child and take it away.

Your title isn't quite right. It was the friend and her child who just had paid for.

Sorry - who you had paid for

Fucking hell! If I got that message I’d make sure to avoid you at every social function thereafter. Jeez, it’s a kids party. Yes it’s a shame the child missed out on attending but maybe he was ill, maybe tired and cranky, maybe mum forgot. You’d really jeopardise a friendship over a £20 party invite?

Woah hang on. She said she'd go.
Yes it's an invitations not a summons but you say no before the birthday party host has incurred costs.

If you have that kind of attitude your kid is going to stop getting invitations.

We usually have a few drop outs the morning of if it's a full class party. When it's smaller 4-6 kids doing an activity, people are more considerate.

Every single party I’ve ever organised has a few people not turning up without explanation. I don’t keep records and don’t worry about it. If it’s flakiness and it annoys you don’t invite them next time.