Mum friend didn’t show to DS’s birthday party - no reason given, WWYD?

[HollySizer]

A mum friend who I see regularly was invited to my DS (3) birthday party at the weekend. Checked in with her a couple of days prior and she confirmed she would still be coming.

She was a no show and I haven’t heard from her since and I’m really pissed off. I am not bothered by the fact that she wasn’t there, but that she didn’t let me know and hasn’t given a reason.

I’m not sure how to proceed when I see her this week at a toddler group both of our DC attend!

AIBU to be so pissed off?

Yep, if it were a huge hall full of kids I’d be less bothered. But this was an activity paid for per child, with only 8 attending.

Is she ok. Id be checking that and be worried.

Maybe she totally forgot?

On DD's birthday one year my lovely friend turned up at 2pm with her LO, smiles and hugs ready to play and we had a giggle as everyone had just left because the party was 12-2 and not 2-4 like she had in her head!

Give her the benefit of the doubt, unless she gives you further reason to believe she's deliberately let you down.

But definitely ASK HER...

After my Mum died I still took my kids places. Just send her a message and ask if she is OK.

Christ Almighty... dramatic much?!! 🙄

Why would you not just message as suggested?

Why didn't you message her?

This is a classic case of leaving half the relevant information out of the OP, so you'll get loads of people saying YABU, when you are clearly not.

If you'd written that your child's birthday party was an activity that you paid for in advance per child, with 8 children attending, this person (who you thought you were friends with) RSVP'd yes but then didn't bring their child and didn't message you at all to say they couldn't go after all... everyone would have said YANBU. Especially if she was posting photos of a day out on social media.

She's not really your friend and you shouldn't invite the child again, not for a pay-per-child activity, anyway.

Exactly. Why assume she's being a bitch. Vs something happening in her life?

You could’ve rung her.

Well then a text would not have been very difficult to send.

Sounds like she had a better offer. I wouldn't invite her child again. Not everyone has a lot of money so I would have been very annoyed.

Not fancying it as someone suggested is just a pathetic excuse for rudeness.

Because i don't know what's going on! That's my point. As the person who's friend has gone unexpectedly unresponsive, I'd message her to see if she was ok.

Ah, that does make difference. Yes, contact her and ask what happened.

Of course the host of a child's birthday party deserves an explanation if you said you were going and then don't show. Ideally beforehand rather than just a no show, but otherwise, as soon as possible afterwards. No explanation at all is extremely rude.

Do people have no manners anymore?

Perhaps something came up and she doesn't want to bother you with her domestic dramas.

Until you know the facts, I wouldn't get too upset.

Next time you see her, say "Shame you missed the party, the cake was divine" and leave it at that. Keep it light.

This! I would have messaged her that evening just to check in all was OK! Genuine concern especially if she confirmed a couple of days prior...

Exactly.

I'd want to say something when I saw her, but keep it fairly light - i.e. "Hey - how are you? We missed you at X's party the other day!" Then take your cues from her response.

I disagree with this. She was invited, accepted the invitation then just didn’t show up. Assuming it’s nothing bad, it’s incredibly rude & lacking in manners. In my book ‘just not feeling it on the day’ still needs to be communicated.

Op, I’d message & say similar to pp “ hey xxx, we missed you at xx’s party, hope everything ok? Xx”

Manners go both ways. Op has not contacted the other mum to see if everything was ok.

Good grief🤣 talk about jumping to the worst possible & unlikely scenario!

Another one who doesn't understand why you haven't messaged and asked. You seem to be avoiding the question which is odd!

Another one here too.....

I would message her. In fact I would have done it on the day. I once messaged during party to a friend who hadn't turned up and she was mortified as she had thought party was Sunday rather than Saturday.

It's also happened to me. I wrote 2-4 on calendar even though the invitation clearly said 12-2. No idea how i got that so wrong. The mum texted me at 1pm asking if everything was OK and I was able to get my daughter in the car and tear round for the last half. I was embarrassed but very grateful!

I do think the onus was on her to get in touch but you never know what's going on so message anyway. If you get a flakey brush off rather than an apology/explanation, you can note that for the future. I tend to stop inviting flakes, it makes life less stressful.