Mum friend didn’t show to DS’s birthday party - no reason given, WWYD?

[HollySizer]

A mum friend who I see regularly was invited to my DS (3) birthday party at the weekend. Checked in with her a couple of days prior and she confirmed she would still be coming.

She was a no show and I haven’t heard from her since and I’m really pissed off. I am not bothered by the fact that she wasn’t there, but that she didn’t let me know and hasn’t given a reason.

I’m not sure how to proceed when I see her this week at a toddler group both of our DC attend!

AIBU to be so pissed off?

This.

Glad you're not my friend. If she is a friend send her a message asking if she is ok.

She went to a farm instead. I am sure she is feeling fine unlike the OP.

Are you going to contact her OP? I definitely would as I’d want to know what she’s got to say about it. It’s rude and inconsiderate of her to not turn up IMO

Thursday was not the day of the party though

Out with her family? Outrageous.

Surely not. You’d spoil an enjoyable group with your temper? Surely nobody behaves like this.

Just message and see what happened.

that doesn’t mean something didn’t happen on the day of the party, maybe her child was ill, a parent took ill any number of reasons.

as someone said above just say aww missed you at the party, is everything ok and she’ll probably tell you what happened and you build a bridge and get over it :)

I'm with OP here actually.

I wasn't at first.

But it wasn't a hall full of kids, it was an activity for 8 children. That's alot of money per 'head' to splash out, fair enough to text and say you can't make it but to not even acknowledge it is rude and appalling.

I can hand on heart say that if my child couldn't make it I'd be apologising, even if it was an emergency.

The context is missing in the original post OP. It was a paid for close knit party that you paid for. A substantial amount no doubt.

Test

It wasn't a hall full of kids.

It was a paid for activity and for me that context is sooooo important. The friend should have messaged. I agree. It's appalling.

"Nobody is ever unreasonable to be pissed off...."

Do you really believe that anyone who's pissed off, for any reason, under any circumstances, in any conceivable situation, is justified in so feeling?

Because I think there's a idiom in modern parlance for people who feel that their pissed-offness is reasonable just because it's them that's feeling it. That word is 'entitled'.

I would be angry as well. I send out texts in the morning of a bday party and ever since I had no noshows. Some people are busy/forgetful/flaky and need a reminder.

It's rude to not let you know she wasn't coming or that she forgot or whatever. She either has poor social skills or is having a hard time at the moment for whatever reason. Possibly both.

I've definitely had flakey times when severely sleep deprived and struggling with 2 children under 2, even though normally I would always attend something if I had said I would.

If you like her otherwise, I would let it go. Perhaps ask her when you see her (kindly, not in a passive aggressive way) if everything is ok. Although obviously she doesn't necessarily want to tell you about her problems.

Nah, 50 quid says there was no emergency. She's just an inconsiderate flake. New friends sometimes feel less obligated. It's bloody rude of her and onus should definitely be on her to explain herself. No way I'd be texting first. I'd be a little frosty at the toddler group and unless she came up with an apology and a reasonable excuse that next time I saw her I'd clock that she can't be relied upon and remember for the future.

Seriously!? Calm down. If it is out of character I would be concerned for my friend rather than on the attack.

OP did you contact your friend or what?? The suspense is killing us! 😂

Sorry for the lack of update 😂!

I got a wishy washy text from her with ‘family illness’ as an excuse only yesterday. Like I said, I’m not sure if I buy it or not as she was at the farm the day after the party. Even if it was true, if everything was well enough for a family day out, it was well enough to spend 10 seconds on dropping me a text.

I just responded with “Sorry to hear that. Yes we all had a great time thanks.” and plan to not make much effort with her going forward!

My ex husband used to deliberately throw me under the bus just like this. I was too ashamed at the time to admit that actually he was a controlling arse and I let people down all the time. It was very calculated, to isolate me.

Thanks for the update. I think you are right, take a step back, keep it casual. She could have taken a second to msg you. No excuse not to.

I forgot one once. The mum messaged after saying ”we missed you; was everything ok?” I was mortified and apologised a lot! Best not to be pointy just ask politely. It happens.

Sorry just missed your update there! Agree with your approach though, bit disappointing on her part

What has happened since OP? Have you seen much of her?

It sounds like she couldn’t be arsed on the day. I wouldn’t have went looking for a reason as I see it as her responsibility to reach out and apologise for not coming.