To ask what you think when you see a young, fat person?

[AugustSlippedAwayIntoAMoment]

I'm very, very aware that this thread will probably get some nasty responses.

But I'm young (26), overweight and short. I try to dress nicely and I'm actively losing weight, but I'm just curious. What do you actually think when you see a fat person? I've never given it much thought before now as I've been fat my entire life, but what do you really think? Am I walking round oblivious to the fact I'm being judged all the time or do people just not care?

I know that but apparently others don't! My BMI (although I know that not a great indicator) as always been in the green, no doctor has raised concerns but still I have been asked if I am bulimic and told I need to eat more donuts on more than one occasion. Just because you and I know its a regular weight vs height doesn't mean the comments don't happen

It depends how big we're talking, and to be honest probably what you were wearing too, in terms of if it was a flattering/well fitting outfit or if you were wearing something that highlighted your figure - such a crop top for example.

If you're an say size 16/18 I'd probably not even notice other than there is another human in my presence (depends on scenario).
If, like this morning, I saw a young man who was really very large, belly sticking out below his t-shirt, I think to myself, I hope you can get yourself sorted out.

I have younger family members who are quite overweight and to be honest, I mostly blame their parents.

But we've got a huge obesity problem in this country and it's really apparent when you visit like zoo's etc. I went to one recently and was genuinely saddened by the number of men, but mostly women (perhaps because it's more mums that take their kids to these places) who were what I would consider very overweight. It felt like the majority. I'm afraid I did feel quite judgemental that day.

If you are just a bit overweight I wouldn't notice, you won't be out of the norm as the population as a whole is over weight.

If you are very over weight, as a person who has battled with weight all my life I would feel a bit sad for you because I know how shit it feels and I know it's not as simple as " eat less move more".
Good luck with your efforts now. You don't want it to affect the things you can do in life and it's easier to tackle now when you are young than it is when you are older and much more sedentary.

As someone who is very overweight (20 Stone) I would generally feel sorry for them and really hope they can lose the weight and get healthy and not spend 25 years yoyo dieting like me!

Well to be fair, it’s mainly my in-laws, they are all size 16 plus and call me a twig 😂.
Though working in schools I’ve had bitchy comments from colleagues.
One (on meeting me) rudely said to me ‘do you starve yourself to stay that size?’ , I told her the truth ‘no, I eat what I want, it’s in my genes, a lot of my family are the same size’. It clearly hit a nerve and she started yelling at me that I had insulted HER!
I also had a colleague who said to me I bet when you walk passed lamp posts it’s ‘now you see her, now you don’t’.
People can be quite unkind to slim people.

But the OP is not discussing being 'thin' they are discussing the comments about being young and overweight. The reality is being thin is desired and being overweight is judged negatively, to deny this is a nonsense. Many of these threads mention Marilyn Monroe and people go to great lengths to object to the theory that she was overweight as clearly she wasn't! People are so obsessed with people being thin in the past because of the sin that is 'fat'!

That is incredibly rude thing for colleagues to say to you but I'm surprised people take the time to comment or notice because where I live lots of people are thin mind you out of all of the ones I know personally none of them are naturally thin either disordered eating or none stop exercise.

Good on you for recognising that you are overweight and doing something about it. I was very slim until I hit about 30 then lots of terrible things happened and amongst other things my weight suffered . People treated me very differently when I was fat much more dismissive. I look at fat people and am judgemental too , only in my head though. If most people are really honest they do judge. I saw a programme last night where they swap holiday, rich / poor or something, the young woman was quite overweight and they went to the Maldives. It was obvious she was uncomfortable and sweating struggling with the heat , struggling with the activities offered eg yoga. She should have had the time of her life and she probably did but you could see it was definitely marred by her being so overweight. OP you definitely are young despite some people saying you're not, you will enjoy it much much more if you lose the weight good luck .

If they can wear a crop top I don't know why I'm so worried about me wearing one. And why on earth was I worried when I was 48kg?!

In my experience the people who have ‘“taken the time to comment” are the ones who are obsessed with their own weight. The yo-yo dieter types who are a different size every time you see them.

I think we all have our unconscious biases and will notice and judge others based on how they look a lot more than we like to admit to ourselves! It's difficult because society as a whole judges fat people and sometimes thoughts like that do obviously creep in for a lot of people. Personally it's something I would notice if that makes sense but I wouldn't immediately judge necessarily

Again, everyone I know except my children are watching their weight in some way, trying to achieve that magic number of perfection and I have a big circle of friends and acquaintances in early to mid 40s so maybe that's why but it is Men and Women. I only know one person who is happy with her weight well she says she is but her habits say differently. It isn't like everyone chats about it non stop but I can't think of many people that don't touch upon it and yet on MN it is described as you are describing it with an element of disdain, I'm sure they don't want to yo yo diet but maybe they haven't mastered the art of denial like others, they are probably clumsily trying to establish whether that is what you do but you don't. Many people I know that are very thin just don't eat so there is no secret unfortunately. I say very thin not just medium slim before people jump on me.

I feel sorry for obese people as I know the vast majority are likely unhappy about their weight and size

Goldenbear

Well that's surprising as a size 8 is not tiny by any means“

It is if you’re 5ft 8. I looked ill.

Ditto. I feel the same. I've been overweight since around the age of 6 due to parents not having a clue about healthy eating and nutrition etc., and having a "chips with everything" attitude, and excessive use of tinned and packet foods. That led to the "school doctor" blaming me for being fat at the age of 8, which led to excessive "diet" of basically salad for everything imposed by my parents (whilst watching them stuff their faces with chips every meal), which led to hidden binge eating. I was morbidly obese by the age of 19! And have y0-yo'd between diets and binging ever since.

I can only feel sorry for people with eating disorders just as I would for anyone else with an addiction - and for most people, that's exactly what it is, as well as a mental health issue. I strongly believe that there are "reasons" for those who over eat, as a coping mechanism for emotional problems etc.

My diabetic nurse once said to me that everyone has a "crutch" - for some it's smoking, for others' it's alcohol, for others it's drugs. It rationalised it for me and helped overcome the "self hate" that addicts suffer them, often causing them to smoke/eat/drink more!

The vast majority of fat younger people will have a mental health or emotional reason for doing so. I think that "greed" and poor choices such as lack of exercise/wrong foods, etc., are more of the reason for older people getting fat. But for younger ones, it's almost always something to do with problems in childhood.

A couple of stone overweight, I would think nothing of it.

If you're morbidly obese, I would feel sorry for you and feel worried for your health - particularly if it looked like you had DC.

If you had morbidly obese DC, I would critically judge you I am afraid.
I think it's verging on child abuse to have morbidly obese DC - yes there will be a small % of DC who have medical issues, the vast majority will be obese due to what their parents let them eat.

I thought we are told a size 8 is a size 12 in vanity sizes so even at 5ft 8 it isn't that small? I'm sure you were, I thought I was referring to the 5ft poster. The fact is I can well believe you were unwell looking as I am only 5ft 6 and didn't look well at all in size 8 but this was the early 00s so maybe size 8 was smaller but I was constantly told by family that I was cold because I was too thin, even my Dad's male business partner saw me when I met my Dad for a lunch and commented on me being too thin. I have to say I was secretly elated because thin was good back then.

I am impressed by anyone who presents themselves as well-dressed and well-groomed (and this doesn't mean they have to be expensively dressed). Whatever their size, if they dress to suit their figure and take pride in their appearance, that gets a thumbs up from me.

But I'm sorry to say that I my heart does sink if a very large person heads towards sitting beside me on public transport (ie, plane or train) as I get anxious about the impact their size will have on my personal space, access and comfort. I have endured several journeys where my comfort was seriously compromised by someone large spilling over their seat beside me. Sorry - but true.

That’s just you though. Some people are quite happy being fat

Not the poster you quoted but last week my midwife was telling me ‘you’re tiny, look at you, you’re absolutely tiny’ when I said I was worried about the weight I’d gained during pregnancy so far. Still a size 8 at the moment. Definitely don’t consider myself tiny. But perhaps a size 8 does look tiny compared to lots of overweight people that we see each day.

In answer to the OP, if I passed an overweight young person in the street I’d probably be too busy in my own world to give it a second thought. If I actually met or was introduced to someone, I would think it was a shame to be in that situation at an age where they should be in their prime. Keeping weight off tends to get harder as we age so I’d probably wonder how the person would manage in their mid life and beyond.

How fat are you talking? The majority of people are overweight to some degree nowadays (including me) so honestly unless very very obese I probably wouldn't even "notice" -in quotation marks because obviously people are aware of others' weight in the same way you are aware of their hair colour, skin colour, whether they wear glasses etc - but I wouldn't take any particular note of it.

The only time I remember taking note of young, overweight people is when I've seen girls/young women in very short crop tops and/or shorts -I mean properly, bum hanging out, very tight bum scrunch shorts not just any skin showing outfits - and if I'm honest my thoughts were a mix of "fair play, bigger girls would never have had worn stuff like that when I was younger" (early 2000s)" but also "but it really is not a flattering look." Which tbf I don't think it would be a flattering look on 95% of people, including me. Again this is only very specific, very skimpy outfit/s, not just standard summer wear - I don't think anyone over 8 stone should be in full burka or anything.

Other than that I wouldn't care or take any note. I certainly wouldn't feel sorry for them or assume any particular personality traits or anything like that.

Maybe, all the overweight people that I know are not tough, and they do not alter their eating habits, so nothing changes.

In common with several others on this thread I don’t give it much thought unless I am sitting on a plane, train or bus. Then I think “Please God. Not me.”

Any age, young or old.

Except that very few people in this thread have been judgy.

Having views about the overall picture in our society or concerns about obesity related health is not being judgy about individual overweight people.

And people are certainly judgy about alcohol. Especially on MN.

Why are you worried about weight gain in pregnancy when you are a size 8? I think that was probably what the midwife was trying to say, albeit clumsily. I know that BMI depends on height but I’d imagine that with a starting point of size 8 you must be able to gain quite a lot of wight before you are anywhere near an overweight BMI. What is it that worries you about moving up within the normal//healthy range, especially at a time when weight gain is normal and expected?