30 minute bedtime

[CandyCanes23]

I have a nearly 7 year old DS1 and a 7 month old baby. I’m very conscious that DS1 had my undivided attention for the best part of 7 years and I’m questioning myself as to whether I’m doing the right thing?

Baby is in bed and settled by about 6.30. I then try and put DS1 to bed, and give him 30 minutes for bedtime. This includes toilet, brush teeth, get pyjamas on, he does some reading practice, I read him a short story/chapter, and we have a few minutes ‘stay time’ - a chat, an alphabet game, listening to something of his choice on Alexa etc. Me reading a story to him and stay time are very special to him, I think…

But there’s a lot of delaying tactics on his side, hence the 30 minutes timescale. Refusing to get ready for bed, in and out the bathroom, finding the right toys for bedtime, little dances etc. So I try and explain he’s using up stay time etc.

Tonight was another example, lots of mucking about. I refused to read him a story or do stay time. He cried. We had a chat about choosing to do the right thing. He says he has a good and bad side, and sometimes he doesn’t know why he does things. I tried to explain will power to him. I told him I love him, gave him a hug, but left him crying himself to sleep. I feel awful, but appreciate sometimes parenting is tough.

AIBU to expect DS1(aged nearly 7) to do bedtime in 30 minutes and have I gone about this the wrong way? I’ll be ready to take any criticism 😬

YABU to expect a 7 year old to get ready for bed in 30 minutes (including story time) and should take a different approach.

YANBU to expect a 7 year old to be ready for bed in 30 minutes and just need to hang on in there!

By the way, OP, I really didn't mean to seem harsh in my earlier post- I too have work to do in the evenings and I really struggle with a long bedtime some days. It's true though that the more you need it to be quick I.e. the more you rush, the more they faff - little buggers know! And get all clingy. And then you spend your evening unable to focus anyway because of the guilt and upset.
The bottom smacking too sounds intensely annoying. I might get quite stern over that. I would stop the story if he's doing it during, no question, but I think I would try not to remove story as a punishment for bad behaviour that's gone on beforehand, even if that beforehand is just minutes before! Basically I would try to preserve story and stay time as much as humanly possible.

How have bedtimes gone the last couple of nights? It sounds like you're sometimes doing both kids as well which isn't easy at all with the age difference. Do you and dh switch off or does he work away? We used to switch off evenings so every other evening we had a night off bedtime but with new addition it doesn't work well so now we do one bedtime each each night. And on the days I have to do all bedtimes, if dh is out or ill, it's a pigging nightmare to be honest!

I am having this problem with my 7 year old DD. It takes hours most nights! She will just lie there with her eyes open claiming she can’t sleep. I’ve started calling her the night creeper as she is constantly just creeping around upstairs 🤣🤣 no seriously though what do I do!

I think Alexa before bed is a wind up rather than wind down. Way too much to fit in. We did teeth, toilet, reading for 20mins- all fit in 30 min.

Honestly yes I think yabu. He's only 6. I get that you are struggling but so is he by the sounds of it. Treat it as quality time, take a deep breath at the faffing and don't withdraw the story. I would only ever say we'll have time for less stories of you don't hurry up and get ready for bed I would never take the story away (bonding time) as a punishment. I might say we only have time for 1/2 stories now rather than 3 if it's really late but usually I'd just use it as a way to focus them on bedtime.