To finally accept that I’ve gained weight and this is me now?

[thegreenlight]

I have gained 2 stone and 2 dress sizes since starting a medication notorious for weight gain. It really works and makes my life so much better. I have been through a really hard time lately and finally come through it and started to rediscover myself. However, I’m finding the weight gain really hard. I stopped taking the medication and the weight dropped off me but within two weeks I was at crisis. I have tried every diet, workout, everything. It just won’t shift (I was a very successful dieter previously and have lost 4 stone on three occasions relatively easily) this is a whole new ballgame. I currently eat OMAD and don’t exceed 1000 calories most days but still it won’t shift (or VERY slowly followed by an inexplicable gain). My old lovely clothes are all in the attic.
Do I accept the new me? My husband loves me like this as I am so happy in myself and I am now the wrong side of 40 with no intentions of needing to attract anyone else!
My mum can’t stand it but has been weight obsessed all her life (and is bigger than me now).
So, do I concentrate on not gaining, buy new clothes and learn to love the new me?

I suppose it depends what dress size you are now, with regards to your height as well.
Used to be an '8 to 10' and now '12 to14'? In my opinion you will probably look more healthy and glowy at that size aged over 40. If you were already an 18 (unless you are 6ft+), maybe you need to look at your overall health.
I would have imagined your mental wellbeing has far more to contribute to your overall personality than an extra 20lbs does.

It's great that you're feeling better! The weight gain is not your fault - the medication has changed your metabolism. If a little voice pipes up in your head, rubbishing you for gaining weight, that is your mother talking and you can choose to ignore her.

I'd say buy some fabulous clothes and concentrate on your overall health.

I am size 14/16 and 5ft 7. I used to be a 12 and always thought I was massive and hated myself anyway! I am quite proportionate (carry weight evenly) and my bust has returned to pregnant fullness much to the delight of my husband! My hair is thicker too and has gone lovely and wavy which is weird, maybe to do with the hormones that also cause the weight gain?

You know what - I'd bloody kill to be a
14/16 with shiny hair and good boobs. We spend so much time feeling shit for what we look like. Enjoy it.

You sound gorgeous and happy just as you are OP. Throw away all that conditioning from your mother and accept yourself as you are now.

I gave in and accepted my new shape last year. I have to take an epilepsy drug that had me gain two stone but has been a god send health wise. So instead of trying to lose weight I concentrate on eating healthy, I bought a whole new wardrobe to suit my new shape and I just try and enjoy life. It helps that I'm in my 50's and I have a husband who loves me dearly. He'd rather I was well than slim. I've made my peace with it x

Make peace with the weight and accept it for now. I developed ME/CFS and put on 15kg and the weight makes me uncomfortable but I have vacuum packed all my cute skinny clothes and put them in the loft and when I am better I will focus on losing weight and deal with it then. If I was you for now I would just stay on the meds and not think about the weight, pack away the clothes that remind you of where you were and you can always look into losing weight at a later date. It doesn't have to be a forever situation but for now, don't use the mental space on your weight. And ignore your mother, let her issues be her own.

Gosh - thank you so so much! I am planning on keeping on with OMAD as it actually quietens the food noise in the day and I can enjoy my dinner without feeling the lifelong guilt I always have about food. My mum doesn’t want to be seen out with me anymore since I gained weight (I built her a bungalow in my garden after we lost my dad and she lives here so I suppose has that as an excuse to not need to go out with me) but she used to be all over me when I was thinner, she was the one who encouraged me to come off the medication cold turkey as it put weight on me - lots of comments about my big tummy. It’s funny because the medication makes her easier to deal with but the weight it caused me to gain makes things more difficult. Since dad died I have taken her on holidays (all expenses paid) to places on her bucket list (New York, Disney World in Florida) but I can tell she isn’t as proud to be my mum as she was when I was thinner and I’m reminded of it every day which is hard. It’s helpful to hear positive voices! So Thankyou!

YANBU, I'm glad the meds are working.

I've just accepted I have hit middle age and am rather 'stouter' than I was. I don't feel 'fat' but everything is a bit widescreen now and that's how it is. In my case I try to spend a few months dropping a stone (slowly) to prevent putting too much weight on as I have a joint issue that will get worse if I don't control my weight at least a bit, but life's too short for me to diet constantly.

I'm sorry but your mum sounds awful and you sound lovely

Your mother sounds vile OP, she is behaving appalling towards you. I am speculating but I wonder whether she is the reason (or part thereof) why you’ve had a hard time and need this medication in the first place?

I’ve had therapy and come to terms with my mum’s faults. I went no contact over Covid and it was only starting my medication that helped me to see it wasn’t me. She can be lovely but I understand that doesn’t give her free range to treat me however she likes. She has always been quite a negative person and unhappy with her lot and she puts others down to make herself feel better. She seems a lot happier in her little house but she genuinely thinks she is helping me telling me to lose weight or that things don’t look good on me.

Sounds like you are better off on the meds. What exercise do you do? At that height and weight you would be an awesome powerlifter.

Weight really only matters when it comes to health. Buy some lovely new clothes and crack on enjoying life!

I agree that the voice in your head is your mother. It's a hard one to tackle.

Could you try a daily bullet point gratitude journal? You find three things you are grateful for or make you happy - it can be about yourself or your life or people or events, anything really, that keeps you focusing on the positive. You write your three things in your journal each day.

There are clearly positives to the medication, which you could remind yourself of, and also.- not to focus on weight - you are on the smaller side of average clothing size for British women. It's hard to shake the disordered body perception and thoughts around food that a parent with disordered eating problem leaves us with.

Make sure you’ve got some lovely clothes that fit you in your wardrobe and you’ll feel just lovely.

id get rid of the old ones, even if they are in the attic they are still playing in your mind.

Even if may some miracle you did drop the weight you’d want new things surely?

OP, you can't stop taking essential medication and you can't eat less than 1000 calories/one meal a day - that in itself doesn't sound very sustainable. This weight gain isn't a problem for anyone except your mother, who has a lot of issues. And you say she's been weight obsessed her whole life and only ended up heavier herself - because that's what dieting does to people. The fact that you need to ask if you're unreasonable for taking meds that make your life so much better for the sake of some weight gain that isn't harming you and isn't making your life worse is very sad.

You sound amazing. Overall health and well-being is more important than the number on the scales x

This. You sound lovely and I’m sure you still look fine. Your mental health is just as important so go and enjoy your life. I’d stop doing anything nice for your mum too, if she’s ‘too embarrassed’ to be seen with you, you’ll have to go away without her and leave her to be miserable at home.

Sounds like your mum is maybe projecting onto you how she wishes she was. I can’t stand people who are obsessed with other peoples weight!

Is it mirtazapine? I had to stop taking that, I absolutely ballooned from a 9ish stone size 8 to over 11 stone and size 12 so fast. I was having to replace every item of clothing I owned because nothing fit me anymore and the brain fog was unreal. I’m not entirely sure it made any difference to my mental health either. I’ve never got back to the size I was since (although 3 pregnancies in 4 years probably hasn’t helped 😂) with all that being said, if it’s working for you otherwise and the weight situation isn’t a deal breaker then that’s fantastic!

If I wasn't happy with my size, I'd go back to my gp for help to see what alternative they can offer.
I always thought if you were on a calorie deficit you would lose weight, if you burned more than you consumed.

You're lucky you're proportionate with your weight. I'm not 😩 when I go over a certain weight it all goes to one place.
If I was proportionate, I don't think I'd care as much.

Your health is always going to be more important so don't stop taking it! Is it mirtazapine? I gained a lot quickly but did manage to lose it, hard work though! The other benefits outweigh the negatives but I really have to be very strict with food which is a ballache.

Your mum sounds awful, OP. I'm sorry you have to deal with her.

I agree you probably look better ! I’m 5’10 and a size 8-10 and I look awful it’s aged me massively

The fact that your mother would actively encourage her child to struggle and suffer with an unmedicated condition, for the sake of physical appearance, is one of the worst parenting fails I've read on here.