To finally accept that I’ve gained weight and this is me now?

[thegreenlight]

I have gained 2 stone and 2 dress sizes since starting a medication notorious for weight gain. It really works and makes my life so much better. I have been through a really hard time lately and finally come through it and started to rediscover myself. However, I’m finding the weight gain really hard. I stopped taking the medication and the weight dropped off me but within two weeks I was at crisis. I have tried every diet, workout, everything. It just won’t shift (I was a very successful dieter previously and have lost 4 stone on three occasions relatively easily) this is a whole new ballgame. I currently eat OMAD and don’t exceed 1000 calories most days but still it won’t shift (or VERY slowly followed by an inexplicable gain). My old lovely clothes are all in the attic.
Do I accept the new me? My husband loves me like this as I am so happy in myself and I am now the wrong side of 40 with no intentions of needing to attract anyone else!
My mum can’t stand it but has been weight obsessed all her life (and is bigger than me now).
So, do I concentrate on not gaining, buy new clothes and learn to love the new me?

Time to adjust makes sense and is really encouraging to the OP @Tocleanornottoclean2 - I get that now, it wasn't how I read your post but it makes much more sense that way.

@CoffeandTiaMaria I am so sorry that happened to you. You deserve all the nice things and would regardless of your weight.

I am nearly 40 and used to be a size 8/10 and around 8 stone 4 or 5. In the past year or so, I have put on nearly a stone without doing anything different and now have to wear 12/14. I look 5 months pregnant and it really upsets me.
I think it's am age thing sadly.

OP, read "Your Weight Is Not The Problem" by Lyndi Cohen. It has really practical advice for 1) stress reduction and mental health self-care, 2) setting boundaries with unhelpful relatives and 3) continuing your healing journey from a lifetime of poor parenting relating to weight/food/nutrition.

It has helped me to shift my mindset about my body so much, in a way that I just couldn't do despite years of therapy (I have a mum similar to yours, also on antidepressants and has caused weight gain, etc).

Absolutely this. Also in addition to your improved mental health, another benefit is that a little extra weight will make you look younger too!

@SaltAir sorry, I misread your reply. My final sentence was what I believe is true. But I know weight gain can be an unwanted side effect of many MH meds.

Put your toxic mother in a home, sell the bungalow (or use it as a summer/guest house and enjoy your life and your lovely, healthy body.

Shiny hair and a full bust sound fabulous to me, OP. 💐

I agree with PP’s that a combination of the medication and being over 40 is probably causing the weight gain. A recent study looked into the link between various types of AD’s and weight gain. It sounds as if you’re on the high end so you could consider changing AD’s -but if it ain’t broke, why fix it? You being well and happy is the most important thing.

I’ve 50 and have been on Escitalopram for several years. I’ve gained about 10lbs, most of it in the last five years. I think it’s mainly due to perimenopause, tbh. As others have said, a little more weight has the benefit of smoothing out the fine lines. The really thin ppl I know in my age group looked haggard.

https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2024/07/02/health/weight-gain-antidepressants-wellness (direct link to study in this article).

Accept it, I bet you look great. I honestly could have written a very similar post!

All women's bodies get a bit bigger as we age unless we eat like sparrows because of metabolism slowing down plus hormones and all the rest of it.

Medication only adds to it. Just eat healthily as much as you can, we need less calories than we used to which is rubbish but a fact.

If you find yourself struggling OP, maybe try this book - it's lovely

https://www.waterstones.com/book/everyones-a-critic/julia-bueno/9780349014579

Yes, given everything you've said, that it's clearly linked to the medication that's saving your life, I would accept who you are on the meds and try to enjoy life.

I'm in a really similar position. I'm 5 ft 7. If I watch what I eat and exercise loads, I weigh 11 stone and am a size 12. I've recently started HRT and have put on weight around my middle, and am starting to wonder, 'Is it worth endlessly controlling my food and exercise to weigh a stone less and be a size 12 instead of a curvy 14?' I think the answer is probably no. Who actually cares except for me? Yet I hate myself in photos and in a swimming costume...I need to change my mindset somehow. When I read your post, my obvious answer was - accept this slightly new you and embrace feeling better! I'll try too!

Lifelong guilt at eating/felt huge at size 12/Mother's attitude

sounds like a huge cacophony of irrational food issues at play - sounds like you need to be a bit more tolerant with yourself and inner voices and make peace with eating, your new size, your overall health and the benefits that the medication brings.

Old women, not middle aged. This seems more relevant for OP's mum than for OP.