To finally accept that I’ve gained weight and this is me now?

[thegreenlight]

I have gained 2 stone and 2 dress sizes since starting a medication notorious for weight gain. It really works and makes my life so much better. I have been through a really hard time lately and finally come through it and started to rediscover myself. However, I’m finding the weight gain really hard. I stopped taking the medication and the weight dropped off me but within two weeks I was at crisis. I have tried every diet, workout, everything. It just won’t shift (I was a very successful dieter previously and have lost 4 stone on three occasions relatively easily) this is a whole new ballgame. I currently eat OMAD and don’t exceed 1000 calories most days but still it won’t shift (or VERY slowly followed by an inexplicable gain). My old lovely clothes are all in the attic.
Do I accept the new me? My husband loves me like this as I am so happy in myself and I am now the wrong side of 40 with no intentions of needing to attract anyone else!
My mum can’t stand it but has been weight obsessed all her life (and is bigger than me now).
So, do I concentrate on not gaining, buy new clothes and learn to love the new me?

I have tried every diet, workout, everything. It just won’t shift (I was a very successful dieter previously and have lost 4 stone on three occasions relatively easily) this is a whole new ballgame. I currently eat OMAD and don’t exceed 1000 calories most days but still it won’t shift

How much harder do you want her to work? How much stricter are you suggesting she should be?

The posts hinting that the OP should or could lose weight are really horrifying, given the information she's provided.

Sertraline - I went to the gp and tried Prozac which caused weight loss but didn’t work and made me suicidal. I was given mizoprizol after I said Prozac didn’t work but I had to taper Prozac before I could start taking it and I couldn’t face 6 more weeks feeling the way I did so I did a straight swap back to sertraline and everything was better within hours and was able to cope and roll with things. I have 2 high demand special needs children and a full time job as a teacher so I needed something to help me function!

Is it mirtzapine? That does make me put on weight. Benzos also.
It's great your meds are working.
Could you try and have only healthy things in the house. If you've got grapes, freeze some of them to stop the temptation to eat the whole punnet?
Things like prawns, baby tomatoes, blueberries.
Dates or dried figs are lovely too, very sweet so try and only have one or two.
But increase protein, like more eggs, meat, fish, nuts etc in your main meals.
I'm glad your feeling better. Weight isn't that important compared to MH.

She's eating 1000 calories a day @BobbyBiscuits - she doesn't need diet tips. Your final sentence is totally undermined by the rest of your post.

I only eat in an hour window a day as I do OMAD. I don’t snack, I don’t eat breakfast, I don’t eat lunch. I make a dinner of around 700cals and eat it with the family and have a pudding of about 300 cal as I have a sweet tooth and it makes me feel like I don’t deprive myself. I then fast for 23 hours. On this routine I maintain my weight and lose/gain the same pound. It’s not a case of only having healthy snacks in. I work all day and have no chair (school policy) so am on my feet all day and do 2 flights of stairs about 20 times a day as I’m upstairs. I don’t know what else people think I need to do. As I said 1000 calories a day has me maintaining the weight I am now. When I came off it I lost 7lb in 2 days eating normally. I’m pretty sure it’s the medication and not what I eat.

MH is everything. The time will come when it will be better and you can focus on your weight then. Now isn't forever, but you do need to accept how you are now to be OK.

That’s the thing. I think I’m on these for life now. Experimentation with changing or stopping has been a disaster and led to me having a crisis. This is not a short term fix.

If you thought yourself fat and ugly at size 12 and 5'7", then the voice telling you to think that was your dysfunctional mother's voice,m. She was dumping her dysfunctional relationship with food and with her body onto you.

I'm 5'7"/8" and I looked skinny as a 25yo size 12. 25y later I would look scrawny and unhealthy at size 12. My ideal would be 14 now, but I struggle to maintain it. So I love myself at size 16, and forgive myself when I hit size 18.

I don't know what OMAD is, but I totally get you when you talk about a way of eating that quietens the food noise. For me, that HFLC - high fat low carb. I try to eat generally low-carb, and when I need to get out the box of size 18 jeans I go full-on HFLC. No judgement, no self-reproach, just acceptance.

If your mum doesn't want to be seen out with her healthy, happy daughter who is mindful in her efforts to look after herself and be present for her family, that says a lot more about your mother than about you.

I’ve been on a constant diet since I started anti depressants and I have only gained weight at a rate I have never experienced before!

OMAD is one meal a day - sorry!

@SaltAir I was only giving my experience of meds that cause weight gain. Idk how my first sentence undermines me offering tips that helped me and others who've taken such meds.

If it’s mirtazipine, you could see if you can try trazodone instead. It works in similar way (apparently) but is more of an appetite suppressant than appetite stimulant.

I think you misunderstood my post, probably intentionally. I didn't tell the OP to lose weight at all.

As I have got older, my priorities have changed. I'm half a stone heavier than I want to be but I am focusing on fitness, muscle strength and flexibility.

Being able to lift heavy bags out of the car boot, do an 8 mile hike or crouching down easily to get something from the back of a low cupboard make me happier than a number in the scales!

It's lovely your medication has worked so well.

Same, OP. I'm same size but small boobs and honestly, it's crap because I look a lot fatter than I would if I had more proportionate boobs. You sound happy, you aren't so overweight it's concerning, so enjoy your new life!

My mum doesn’t want to be seen out with me anymore since I gained weight

Your mum sounds fucking awful.

As a PP said, your MH is just as important as your physical health.

I would focus on maintaining the weight that you are now and buying clothes that fit your new shape.

I would also focus on healthy eating and exercising.

If the weight comes off of you by living a healthy lifestyle, then great but if not then it doesn’t matter because you’ll still be living a healthy lifestyle.

You are healthier now than you were before you put on weight.

You just need to not let your mum’s wrapped mind make you feel bad about yourself.

Ah sorry, just realised I missed your post when you said it’s sertraline.

I can only imagine this thread is pretty distressing @thegreenlight with so many echoes of your mother's voice. Your routine right now sounds extremely punishing and exhausting and honestly, 1000 calories a day is not enough food for an adult woman. On Mumsnet there will be a chorus insisting that's not the case - this is a part of the Internet where very low calorie intake are lionised to a very frightening degree and weight gain is considered the worst and most terrible thing.

But you are well and healthy and happy. You are productive, successful and loved. Even if you gain more weight, those things will still be true. People don't immediately fall ill and die the second their BMI clicks over to the next category. If the choice is thin and suicidal versus heavier and happy - however much heavier that is - it seems like a straightforward choice. Even if some people on the internet would choose the first, you're right to choose the second.

You were giving calorie reduction tips to a woman eating 1000 calories a day and fasting for 23 hours.

Embrace it OP. I’m similar size to you, love to be smaller but hey ho life is happier and I want to enjoy going out. I’m mindful what I eat and try and exercise regularly to offset the days when I want to enjoy a meal with friends.

the only thing I do differently now is I have a big glass of water first thing every day and some vitamins and try and have sugar free days at least three times a week.

I think to someone who is upset about her weight gain, your statement that you lost the weight you gained on medication through 'hard work' and being 'strict with food' would sound like encouragement to her to lose weight - but if you read her opening post, she is working so hard and being so strict already. She's had criticism of her body all her life; I do think your post could be read as critical even if not at all intended in that way.

The last thing my mother told me before she died was that I was fat and didn’t deserve anything nice 🤷🏼‍♀️.
Yes I’m 5’6”, 81kgs but the bucket of heart medication that’s keeping me alive has also lead to a 2st weight gain.
I have come to terms with the fact that this is how it is now, better than the other option if I stopped taking the medication!

Your mum sounds very rude, tell her that she should be grateful to YOU for allowing her to live there!

Thin older women break their hips more easily than rounder ones. Those pillows of fat are protective.

I meant that sometimes it takes time to adjust, it doesn't mean you will just gain weight forever. Also, medications usually cause weight gain because they increase appetite, if OP is still gaining weight and eating so little (I agree, much too little) then it's worth going back to the doctors to see if there's any underlying reason.