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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask for help finding the fun?

60 replies

outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:09

I've been told that life would be easier if I were more playful with my children, making daily tasks fun so they don't feel like a chore for anyone.

However, I'm not naturally playful. I've tried, really tried. Parenting isn't easy for me, but I don’t want my kids to feel that burden. So, I put in my best effort every day, though it leaves me drained when things don't go as planned.

For instance, start and end of the day transitions are tough. I’ve tried playful approaches—like saying the clothes are lonely or hungry—but they backfire. The kids run from the "clothes monster" or come up with ways to delay further at which point we've then used time and I get frustrated. I've made it a race, but that often ends in tears for the "loser." Trying to race the clock or beat the parent works briefly before they lose interest. Even breakfast involves silly games like pretending spoons are too heavy with porridge. It's tolerable when it works, but all too often I try and still fail. Maybe they sense I’m not enjoying it, but I don’t know how to change who I am to make it fun for me too.

How can I improve at being playful but still get things done? Personally I would love it if they just did the things and then we'd have time to play together. On the rare days that we zip through everything I try to make a big fuss of the additional time we have to play or read or whatever. But doesn't seem to make a difference to the majority of the days.

(Please don't say "not everything needs to be fun"—I agree. I wish they’d just listen and do things without a fuss, but when I approach life (or mn) like that I'm told I'm unrealistic and should be more playful. So my question is, how can you be playful while still getting stuff done?)

OP posts:
areallmotherslikethis · 07/09/2024 13:10

How old are your DC?

outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:12

Ah yes that would have been useful, sorry.

They're 6 and 4, so prime age for lots of giggles and laughter.

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 07/09/2024 13:12

I’m quite a serious person by nature too and I found making up songs helped when my kids were wee.

Snowfalling · 07/09/2024 13:17

Can I ask who's telling you this?

I would say the single most important thing for being a more fun parent for me personally was to carve out some dedicated time for myself alone.

ConfusedBear · 07/09/2024 13:24

And work out what you enjoy and how it overlaps with what your children enjoy. Then when you're spending leisure time together you're properly spending leisure time together.

I've phrased it as leisure time because your thing might be baking/crafts/gardening/vinyl records which wouldn't be the first activities I thought of as playing.

RechargeableGnu · 07/09/2024 13:26

What a load of rubbish. Who's been telling you this? 🙃

bridgetreilly · 07/09/2024 13:30

I don’t think your children need you to pretend to be someone you aren’t. The games you’ve tried that haven’t worked are a good sign this isn’t the best strategy for you. Be calm, patient and firm, if that suits you better. There’s no one right way to be a great mum.

SeaToSki · 07/09/2024 13:31

how about playing music you enjoy…certain songs for certain activities.. So when ‘welcome to the jungle’ plays its time to get dressed, when avicii plays its breakfast time etc etc. You will probably have to do it with reminds for a couple of weeks, but then the sound of the song might just set them in motion.. and dance while the songs are on (fingers and toes can dance at breakfast)

Trebol · 07/09/2024 13:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request

OldChinaJug · 07/09/2024 13:34

I'm not naturally playful but, IME, children (especially at that age) love a bit of lighthearted competition with smiles and giggles.

"Ooh, mummy's going to be dressed before you are"

"I bet I can get upstairs/downstairs before you do!"

Telling them the clothes are hungry etc doesn't work because clothes don't have mouths or stomachs and they know that. Plus it requires them to do something for their clothes. But a competition with mummy? Where they might win?

I'm a teacher and, tbh, the best way to get my year 3 class to do anything quickly is to turn it into a competition with the class next door 😁

It's always got to be light hearted, don't play them off against each other and, of course, whoever actually 'wins' no one cares because they're all brilliant!

CuriousGeorge80 · 07/09/2024 13:34

I totally understand OP. When I need to be fun but don’t have the energy I use made up songs and play music, as others have suggested. So we have a toothbrushing song that we made up and they have to brush their teeth while we sing it. Stuff like that.

simpledeer · 07/09/2024 13:35

Yeah I didn’t do that shit with my kids. We did have made up songs for everything though. My DC still remember them. I’m worried they might be handed down to the next generation and wish I had made them better!

Just be yourself OP.

Top tip from me as an ex teacher is to say “thank you” at the end of an instruction. It implies there will be no defiance. “Brush your teeth now Nathan, thank you.”

Keep going, this too shall pass.

OldChinaJug · 07/09/2024 13:36

Oh yeah and songs.

Lots of made up songs and rewritten lyrics to existing songs they love that.

Challenge them to tidy up to the 51 second introduction of the original Mission Impossible theme. You'll be amazed at what they can get done!

outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:48

OldChinaJug · 07/09/2024 13:36

Oh yeah and songs.

Lots of made up songs and rewritten lyrics to existing songs they love that.

Challenge them to tidy up to the 51 second introduction of the original Mission Impossible theme. You'll be amazed at what they can get done!

Ha that does actually sound enjoyable!

OP posts:
MsMajeika · 07/09/2024 13:49

The William Tell Overture works really well for getting stuff done quickly too!

outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the poster's request

I do, and I'm then ignored. I say I'll help them to get dressed and they run away. I get cross and the mood turns sour. The beginning and the end of the day are really bloody miserable. When I speak about my tactics there's literally always someone to tell me it's wrong. I.e. shouting not good for multiple reasons, asking multiple times suggests they're feral and disrespectful, reward charts (ineffective anyway imo) hardly reflective of real life, doing it for them (your child is how old and you're still dressing them?!). Honestly thought I was robust until I became a parent. Feels like anything you do is incorrect by someone's standards.

OP posts:
outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:52

MsMajeika · 07/09/2024 13:49

The William Tell Overture works really well for getting stuff done quickly too!

Edited

Adding these to a playlist

OP posts:
GalacticalFarce · 07/09/2024 13:53

I'm not playful like that. I used to just nag them to do the things that need to get done but I'd bring some playfulness in other ways.
Like actual play. Chase them around, have a water fight or pillow fight, ask them silly questions, tell them jokes,

mimiasovitch · 07/09/2024 13:53

I hated playing make believe with mine, (no mummy, that's not random dolls voice etc etc) but could totally get on board with messy play. We had a vinyl cloth that would come out with paint, glitter, glue etc and they loved that. Also baking worked well. There'll be some sort of play that'll work for you.

ConstanceHatchaway · 07/09/2024 13:54

No need for it, these are things they have to get on with anyway so downplay it instead. Give them a reason to why they have to do these things. Ok let’s get dressed so we can go out and do xxx. Do you need some help or can you do it on your own?
Time to brush teeth so you can go and pick which book to read. Will you pick a book about xx or xx, hmm I wonder. Or maybe I could pick one?

Motivation.

mimiasovitch · 07/09/2024 13:55

Sorry - I didn't read properly and saw it was about daily tasks. I was totally shit at that and remember losing my temper an awful lot.

outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:56

simpledeer · 07/09/2024 13:35

Yeah I didn’t do that shit with my kids. We did have made up songs for everything though. My DC still remember them. I’m worried they might be handed down to the next generation and wish I had made them better!

Just be yourself OP.

Top tip from me as an ex teacher is to say “thank you” at the end of an instruction. It implies there will be no defiance. “Brush your teeth now Nathan, thank you.”

Keep going, this too shall pass.

Were they generally pretty amicable with it? Willing to try the thank you thing, thanks! Honestly everyone describes me as a no nonsense woman but my kids give zero fucks. Feel like I'm utterly up against it whenever there's something that needs to get done.

OP posts:
outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:59

mimiasovitch · 07/09/2024 13:55

Sorry - I didn't read properly and saw it was about daily tasks. I was totally shit at that and remember losing my temper an awful lot.

This makes me feel better. I feel deranged. I just want a better mother for my kids than this nagging crazy woman they live with but honestly they don't have encourage her!!

OP posts:
LeontineFrance · 07/09/2024 14:02

Who says you are not fun?

ConstanceHatchaway · 07/09/2024 14:04

outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:56

Were they generally pretty amicable with it? Willing to try the thank you thing, thanks! Honestly everyone describes me as a no nonsense woman but my kids give zero fucks. Feel like I'm utterly up against it whenever there's something that needs to get done.

Just be yourself. Honestly. What parent doesn’t nag sometimes. It’s exhausting, but it’s fine.