to ask for help finding the fun?

[outofbattery]

I've been told that life would be easier if I were more playful with my children, making daily tasks fun so they don't feel like a chore for anyone.

However, I'm not naturally playful. I've tried, really tried. Parenting isn't easy for me, but I don’t want my kids to feel that burden. So, I put in my best effort every day, though it leaves me drained when things don't go as planned.

For instance, start and end of the day transitions are tough. I’ve tried playful approaches—like saying the clothes are lonely or hungry—but they backfire. The kids run from the "clothes monster" or come up with ways to delay further at which point we've then used time and I get frustrated. I've made it a race, but that often ends in tears for the "loser." Trying to race the clock or beat the parent works briefly before they lose interest. Even breakfast involves silly games like pretending spoons are too heavy with porridge. It's tolerable when it works, but all too often I try and still fail. Maybe they sense I’m not enjoying it, but I don’t know how to change who I am to make it fun for me too.

How can I improve at being playful but still get things done? Personally I would love it if they just did the things and then we'd have time to play together. On the rare days that we zip through everything I try to make a big fuss of the additional time we have to play or read or whatever. But doesn't seem to make a difference to the majority of the days.

(Please don't say "not everything needs to be fun"—I agree. I wish they’d just listen and do things without a fuss, but when I approach life (or mn) like that I'm told I'm unrealistic and should be more playful. So my question is, how can you be playful while still getting stuff done?)

I don't HAVE to, but evidently something in my household isn't working so I'm trying to see if I can improve it. Have never got up and played with them before today. It's usually up and getting ready or having breakfast or whatever before we start arguing about the things that need to happen before we can leave. My goal is to have cooperative children, if giving them some attention first thing helps them be more ready to get dressed/listen then that's worth a go in my book. Largely I'm a very hands off parent. They play together and entertain one another. But I'm still the parent. There is a need for them to be dressed, have clean teeth, get ready for bed, out shoes on... Whatever. When we reach these times of the day it's painful. People get emotional, there's shouting, resistance, my fight or flight response goes through the roof and I feel like a shit mother because I end up losing my temper.

So have asked for ideas, with friends and on the internet. On one thread it was suggested I be more playful, that supernanny techniques were too Draconian and 'they're just kids fgs why don't you play with them?!' So started a new thread on how to be playful and someone like you decides that it's 'honestly weird' (nice btw!) I'm being advised that it's weird and I shouldn't bother. Jesus. I'm just trying to do my best.

Half the time parents are accused of not doing enough parenting so the kids are ferrel or snowflakes or have no manners and the other half where someone asks for advice on actively parenting you get comments like this that suggest you shouldn't bother. Is it possible to get anything right?!

Update: obviously it's the weekend so way less time pressure, but we tried giving the kids our full attention this morning as soon as we woke up, then came down for breakfast before getting dressed etc and everyone seems to be in a much better mood. Haven't had any of the absolute nuclear fallout emotional rollercoaster we saw yesterday. Think there's a lot going on in their brains with starting school and holding it all together.

Going to try it again tomorrow, knowing there's more time pressure to get out the door by 8. See how we do. Thanks for the helpful and kind responses, it's really appreciated that you took time to reply to some randomer on the internet. We're all just doing our best, some days/moments are certainly more trying than others!!!

I agree with this too. It’s exhausting being a parent to little ones. I found things much easier when I had been able to have some space.

Absolutely! Have managed to find an exercise class in the last 6 months and a craft club so definitely getting the balance back!

Could you try talking to them the day before, right in the morning you need to get dressed the first time I ask you. Set it out clearly. Do not give them the chance to run off, sit in front of their door and be with them while they get dressed. It's hard work, they are hard ages. It will get easier, sod making it fun. Sometimes they need telling. Lay the clothes out make it easy for them and try to set new habits. To be honest I was probably still dressing line at that age for this very reason. Not the right thing I can see that now. But they are teens capable of dressing themselves now so obviously didn't do any harm.

It's so nice to have the hindsight to know it was all alright in the end!! Sometimes in the thick of it it all feels a bit swampy!

I am usually pretty strict (about the basic daily stuff we all need to do, or putting away toys at the end of the day that sort of thing I thought was just normal for everyone 😅), and get told to lighten up. Someone suggested I was making it fun to disobey me and therefore making work for myself and maybe being more playful would help. Hence the thread. But yes laying out expectations the night before also could be helpful. I thought working together to draw out our routine for the morning would be a winner but didn't work in the slightest!

So much pressure these days but guarantee they won't want you dressing them at 13 😂 don't overthink it, it's not personal, so much science behind it. You know you kids and you get to choose how you deal with this and how easy or hard you make it for yourself z

Never did I say you shouldn’t bother. You are not on trial and are not accused of anything, it’s in your head if you think you are so you can calm down. You are really OTT. Just saying it’s ok to tell your kids to please get dressed. You don’t have to make up games about everything. You are fine just being you. But if you feel yourself that you get too pissed off with themmand you need techniques to calmn down, then of course try different things. Kids are kids and yours are not that old yet, some have tantrums about everything and it’s normal.

Thank you for your input.

Hope this reply isn't too OTT for you. Could reply with my own less than nice things but I'm gonna keep the energy for people who have managed to keep their responses entirely kind. Have a lovely day.