to ask for help finding the fun?

[outofbattery]

I've been told that life would be easier if I were more playful with my children, making daily tasks fun so they don't feel like a chore for anyone.

However, I'm not naturally playful. I've tried, really tried. Parenting isn't easy for me, but I don’t want my kids to feel that burden. So, I put in my best effort every day, though it leaves me drained when things don't go as planned.

For instance, start and end of the day transitions are tough. I’ve tried playful approaches—like saying the clothes are lonely or hungry—but they backfire. The kids run from the "clothes monster" or come up with ways to delay further at which point we've then used time and I get frustrated. I've made it a race, but that often ends in tears for the "loser." Trying to race the clock or beat the parent works briefly before they lose interest. Even breakfast involves silly games like pretending spoons are too heavy with porridge. It's tolerable when it works, but all too often I try and still fail. Maybe they sense I’m not enjoying it, but I don’t know how to change who I am to make it fun for me too.

How can I improve at being playful but still get things done? Personally I would love it if they just did the things and then we'd have time to play together. On the rare days that we zip through everything I try to make a big fuss of the additional time we have to play or read or whatever. But doesn't seem to make a difference to the majority of the days.

(Please don't say "not everything needs to be fun"—I agree. I wish they’d just listen and do things without a fuss, but when I approach life (or mn) like that I'm told I'm unrealistic and should be more playful. So my question is, how can you be playful while still getting stuff done?)

My idea of fun is to lie on the sofa cushions on the floor with a big duvet over me. The kids climb all over me, I get a bit of a rest, lots of giggles, everyone happy.

Also, I don't think it's necessary to make everything fun so long as you have some fun moments in the day.

If my older DC isn't getting dressed quickly enough, I ask them if they're planning on going to school in just their pants as we have to leave in 2 minutes. That usually does the trick. If they don't eat quickly enough, the food is taken away.

All sympathy. I'm not 'playful' either and we didn't make up songs. Just clear calm instructions 🙄Oh, I wish the calm bit were true. DD would be late for anything, still the same and now 30.

Counter intuitively if children are involved in something it's faster to spend 2 minutes engaging with them about/in their play then explaining it's time to get ready.
(I did lots of "it's time to" "this is x time" so it wasn't mummy telling them to do something AGAIN)

If you want to shout sing in opera style & it's so silly (or painful in my tone deaf case!) you'll all laugh.

We have lots of wee creatures about, some that live in your teeth so you need to keep them clean, some just behind that next bush so you keep walking etc etc but getting dressed I always found at those kind of ages it was best for it to be a physical thing so I would put my hand into their sleeve & shake hands then flip it over them. Ask their toes if they want to hide in socks etc obviously they could dress themselves but it's hard/lonely/boring so goes much faster with some encouragement.

Songs for everything.

BUT only do it as it serves you, your children want you not a fake

This thread has reminded me of my friends no nonsense mother who was looking after friends DC overnight.

Five year old son/grandson refused to get undressed ready for bath, so granny picked him up and put him in the bath fully clothed.

He behaved impeccably from that point on 😂

I have put my own toddler in the bath fully-clothed but it was an oversight (because I was shouting at the other one to stop climbing on the sink) not deliberate 😂!

I think it's fine to threaten them rather than sing songs, if you need them to do stuff. Not with actual violence obviously, at least not credibly.

I tell my 7yo that if they don't hurry up and get ready for school, I'm going to buy a lion and release it and it will eat up anyone left in the house after the rest of us have left (on time) for school. DC doesn't believe me but there is enough doubt there that they decide not to chance their luck.

Exactly.
I preferred company of adults to children
since I was a kid myself, needless to say I don't have any.

I'm pretty adept at the rough n tumble play. Had many years of being an aunt and am good at winding up/wearing out children. But have zero skills in then bringing them back down again...the wind down just ends in the kids trying to keep playing with you and then eventually the adult gets annoyed and the good feels are gone. So I don't tend to do it much as a mum. Any advice on how to get back to base after silliness?

this sounds like me from the future....😂have managed to hold myself in as the mum, but feel like grannies get away with anything!!

Is the main problem that you don't feel like you're having fun with your DC? Or is it that you can't get them to do what they need to when they need to?

Ha, can you send me the link for the lion shop? Thanks :P

Threats don't seem to get me anywhere. I try to avoid making empty threats so only say things I can actually make happen. They get so emotional at the idea of the threat (i.e. if you don't have your shoes on in the next 2 minutes we're not going) that there's no way they'd manage the task in the timeframe as they're sobbing their hearts out. So now I'm more likely to have the consequence as being put in the car without shoes...which still results in sobbing. But at least we've actually left. It just feels honestly like a horrible atmosphere to get to that point. Try to avoid it if I can. Bleugh.

Oh definitely the latter, at 'pinch points' during the day. Have tried asking for help online and also with friends irl and the suggestion is usually to be playful (the idea of the hungry socks came from a friend for example). So, I tried, but even if I put on a good show of it it doesn't actually result in us achieving the things which need to get done which then makes me resentful that I've made this big effort and it hasn't got me any further than just nagging or whatever I'd usually do. Doesn't feel like it's fostering any more love or good feeling in the household either because it still ends in me getting frustrated because they're not in their pyjamas/uniform only now they're also totally riled up and in even less of a mood to listen.

DH has suggested tomorrow we get up and play with the kids first thing, not with an agenda (i.e. I'm playing with the intention of getting you dressed), just to play. Then after 10-15 minutes then try and get the morning under way and see if that helps. Whereas right now as soon as the gro clock wakes we tend to be getting ready for the day then when everyone is dressed, fed, teeth brushed etc we'll read a book, play a board game, get the lego or magnet tiles out or whatever. Maybe that will help start the day in a nicer way, and they'll have had some attention first thing so will be more open to it.

A bit of time to come to is good.

I'd try and motivate them - stickers for every day they get out of the house without crying. 4 stickers in a week gets a treat.

I did see something on Supernanny once - a sort of pictogram. Pictures of clothes, breakfast, toothbrush etc and the kid could put a big tick on it when they were done. I think it was Velcro.

I also saw that!! Gave it a go. Started a thread on here saying it wasn't working and what am I doing wrong. Was told I needed to lighten up and be more playful...so now have officially come full circle 😂

They're awake a while before the gro clock. The clock is more us trying to keep them semi respectful of our paper thin walls and neighbours who do not have young children until such a time as it's acceptable to actually wake up. Otherwise the war cries would begin at dawn!

your DH's suggestion sounds great, I would also try feeding them shortly after they get up - I have one who was impossible first thing & he had to have some quick energy like half a banana to be able to actually eat breakfast & then everything was more possible.

You might also try leaving them a wee set up (Lego scene/teddy bears' picnic) to encourage them to start playing so you get a gentle start too 😉

Honestly if you're going to start a thread on here you'll get lost of different opinions on what works for different parents and children.

There's a big difference between 'my 4 and 6 year olds don't independently get ready in the morning after seeing a picture chart, what should i do?' and this thread now.

It seems your problem is trying to get your kids to do stuff. I struggled with this and did an online (video based) parenting course. It absolutely taught me how to get shit done without my three resorting to scrapping.

There is nothing about being playful to get them to comply. The basic message is have enough good times engaging with them so that they don't act out when they need to do something

It is called positive parenting, and I would recommend it.

Thanks I'll check it out!

Absolutely. But the 'be more playful' message has been pretty consistent since way before I attempted to channel my inner supernanny.

Where did the idea that you have to be fun come from? Sounds like it's just another thing to make mums feel like they aren't doing a good job 😕. Kids need to be safe and well cared for. Happiness and joy are really important, but does it need to come from a "fun" mum. It can come from doing something lovely together, like a walk in the park, rather than goofy dancing. Just be you - it's enough. ❤️

Mainly the internet and playground mums.

This is a very kindly worded message. Thank you. I've been feeling rather pressured to make all the day to day stuff sparkly somehow and that would be the solution to all my woes. People say 'be more playful' like it's the ultimate life hack for getting kids out the door on time, to eat their greens (or in the case of my littlest eat pretty much anything!!), wash hands etc.

But outside of the daily tasks I am fun in many ways. I read and tell a cracking story, love a board game, will sit and play cars/dulpo/beach cricket/be the troll under the bridge in the playground, do rough n tumble play etc. They love it when it's bedding changeover day as we make a huge pile of the duvets and pillows and I essentially throw them into the cloud pile over and over, little weirdos!. But when it comes to the transition times and stuff that just needs doing playful isn't my style. I just don't have enough spoons to channel my inner Mary Poppins.

Have a few things to try now because of this thread! Have a new 'lets get things done' playlist with William tell and other bits. Will be adding a thank you to the end of my sentences, a few more made up songs with a task in mind. I quite like making up songs actually, but so far they've been more likely to be about how much I love them even when they fart 😂Does anyone else find though that something works for appropriately 72 hours and then they get wise to it and it's all over?

Does the same kind of thing work with them both? My NT DC will engage with a bit of friendly competition and silly games but is also just generally quite amenable. ND one I still am trying to figure out the strategies and can be very tricky at times to find something effective without causing a meltdown. Sometimes rewards and routine work, e.g. School uniform before breakfast and teeth then screentime but not always effective. Visual timetables maybe and I find that being super organised helps so packing school bags/my work stuff etc the night before so I minimise what we have to do in the morning and like someone else said taking more time for me so I am more relaxed and happy in general. And I read in the how to talk to kids about expectations - sure my eldest is clearly old enough and actually able to get dressed but often they won't and instead of getting frustrated by that maybe I need to try to meet them where they are just now. Second the tidy up songs recommendations as well. Not sure that helps but am often not very playful either

DH has suggested tomorrow we get up and play with the kids first thing

Even this, I mean why do you have to play with them, and first thing in the morning!? They can play with each other. Or by themselves. It’s like you think you have to be some entertainer to them as soon as you wake up. It’s honestly weird.

Just get up and have some coffee with your husband, and they can either play or join you for breakfast.

My version of being playful is either pretending I don't know something or proposing a challenge. This works for my son, but might not for others. I think the key may be seeing what fits best with your kids (if they are not competitive or do not enjoy being right then the following examples may be less helpful)

As an example, I will suggest to my son (now age 5) that the first one to start brushing teeth is the winner, and we race to the bathroom. This also works for getting him to use the toilet. Sometimes I will 'trip' on my way if he isn't racing me and talk loudly about the fall and how I will still be first even if I am slowed down.

This doesn't always work for teeth so sometimes I go to the bathroom and get his toothbrush ready and then start asking him what the toothbrush is for, making silly suggestions like 'does it go in my ear? Or up my nose?' - he loves to correct me and will then brush his teeth to show me how it is done (sometimes this requires an additional 'I don't believe that could be it' after he tells me it is for brushing teeth).

Likewise for clothes I often suggest that his clothes would look better on me, and they couldn't possibly fit him e.g. his pyjama trousers make a great scarf and that is surely their real purpose, or his pants are surely a close fitting hat (can confirm i have worn clean pants on my head as part of this silliness). He is then eager to show me where these clothes are actually meant to go.