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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband didn't contribute towards sons 13th Birthday

64 replies

Anon242308 · 07/09/2024 04:48

Hi
My husband of 16 years said he couldn't afford to financially contribute anything towards our sons 13th birthday. He is terrible with money and can't budget. I often help keep him afloat financially. So I got everything needed cards, balloons, cake, decorations and all his gifts. He promised when he got paid he'd pay half towards what it cost. I'd lent him some money that he paid me back once he got paid but didn't offer to pay anything towards out sons birthday. It's a big birthday and I wanted to spoil him a bit and he was chuffed on his big day! My husband also recently cheated on me with strippers and was taking cocaine. I threw him out for 3 weeks then decided to give him another chance. He's been having a go at me lately for not making the effort to work on our relationship but who can blame me. I feel like his priorities are all wrong and I should've just moved on while I had the chance. I do love him but feel like I'm doing everything on my own. It stresses me out so much. He always uses his MH as an excuse and while I have been patient it's starting to wear thin now. Anyone else been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 07/09/2024 05:07

Thankfully no. I will never understand why women stay with men like this. Is your self esteem so low you stay with this abusive cheat?

converseandjeans · 07/09/2024 05:17

My husband also recently cheated on me with strippers and was taking cocaine. I threw him out for 3 weeks then decided to give him another chance. He's been having a go at me lately for not making the effort to work on our relationship

So he has no money because he spent it on strippers & cocaine & now he's trying to make out it's all your fault? I assume 'making an effort' = having sex with him? He sounds awful & I feel sorry for your son here (as well as you obviously).

Sfxde24 · 07/09/2024 05:20

Well obviously that’s completely shit. You know what you need to do.

FrenchandSaunders · 07/09/2024 05:25

So he didn't contribute to his sons birthday because he spent his money on strippers and coke. How can you bare to look at him OP. Utter cunt.

Campergirls1 · 07/09/2024 05:31

No idea what that is like because I wouldn't want to be around such utter scum.

I certainly wouldn't want my child living full-time with such scum.

I wouldn't allow myself to be manipulated by his mental health threats.

Your son deserves so much better than a total waste of space of a father, and a mother who facilitates a coke snorting loser who pays for sex.

Be brave OP and stop putting this loser first, ahead of your child.

Get rid of him and focus on yourself and your son only.
You both deserve better than this utter waster of a man.

Starlight7080 · 07/09/2024 05:33

I was going to write you deserve better. But that's stupid as you don't need a man to be happy.
But what I do mean as you obviously don't deserve and shouldn't be treated this way .
He is setting a terrible example for your children.
And sounds just awful in general

Poppins21 · 07/09/2024 05:47

FrenchandSaunders · 07/09/2024 05:25

So he didn't contribute to his sons birthday because he spent his money on strippers and coke. How can you bare to look at him OP. Utter cunt.

He is a total arsehole.

What value does he bring yours and your son’s life?

JustWonderingWhatToThink · 07/09/2024 05:51

Strippers and cocaine over his kids birthday! Give this man a medal for being Dad of the year 🥇

Maray1967 · 07/09/2024 07:11

Not a chance I would be with a bloke like this.

He’s a drug user and a cheat. They both matter more than exactly who pays what towards the DC’s birthday.

WorldMap24 · 07/09/2024 08:21

'I should've just moved on while I had the chance'

You realise you don't have to stay right? Just because you accepted him back doesn't mean you can't change your mind. LTB

Mooneywoo · 07/09/2024 08:28

You sort of burred the lead there!

GabriellaMontez · 07/09/2024 08:29

Throw him back out. Good for nothing.

Tereseta · 07/09/2024 08:30

Know your self worth and get rid of this dead weight. Don't let your son think this is the normal way to act as a man!

TokyoSushi · 07/09/2024 08:30

Kindly, what on earth are you doing still being with him?

Jifmicroliquid · 07/09/2024 08:32

Have some self respect.

Dinosweetpea · 07/09/2024 08:32

Wtf? He's a shit husband and a shit father. Get a divorce (and get money towards your child's next birthday via CMS)

BellaVita · 07/09/2024 08:33

And you are still with him because?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/09/2024 08:36

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Bigpawfour · 07/09/2024 08:36

No I wouldn’t dream of being in that position and happily you don’t either. Kick him out again and have a better life. Men who cheat are not partners. Men who take drugs rather than save for children’s birthdays are not fathers. Men who do these things and think you are the problem are even bigger twats.

outdamnedspots · 07/09/2024 08:39

Your h cheated on you, but you're worried about your son's birthday? Come on, OP, give your head a wobble.

Leave the abusive twat. Be happy.

EmeraldIsla · 07/09/2024 08:43

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Couldyounot · 07/09/2024 08:49

Right, so he carries on with strippers and fills himself up with marching powder while you subsidise him, but it's all your fault for not trying hard enough? Your son's birthday is not the main problem here. I hope you can get free of this oaf.

Beezknees · 07/09/2024 08:51

Well no because I'd have already given him divorce papers.

MissUltraViolet · 07/09/2024 08:54

How did he afford strippers and cocaine but can't afford a card for his son?

You should have kicked him out then, you still can now.

Viviennemary · 07/09/2024 08:56

He is a total waste of time in every way. Just not paying you back is a small thing. Drug abuse and strippers - a lot more serious.