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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband didn't contribute towards sons 13th Birthday

64 replies

Anon242308 · 07/09/2024 04:48

Hi
My husband of 16 years said he couldn't afford to financially contribute anything towards our sons 13th birthday. He is terrible with money and can't budget. I often help keep him afloat financially. So I got everything needed cards, balloons, cake, decorations and all his gifts. He promised when he got paid he'd pay half towards what it cost. I'd lent him some money that he paid me back once he got paid but didn't offer to pay anything towards out sons birthday. It's a big birthday and I wanted to spoil him a bit and he was chuffed on his big day! My husband also recently cheated on me with strippers and was taking cocaine. I threw him out for 3 weeks then decided to give him another chance. He's been having a go at me lately for not making the effort to work on our relationship but who can blame me. I feel like his priorities are all wrong and I should've just moved on while I had the chance. I do love him but feel like I'm doing everything on my own. It stresses me out so much. He always uses his MH as an excuse and while I have been patient it's starting to wear thin now. Anyone else been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 07/09/2024 08:57

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jeaux90 · 07/09/2024 09:02

Should be the final straw no? I mean strippers and cocaine would have sealed the deal for me.

Let me tell you OP, life as a single parent is way easier and more peaceful than having a useless prat like your DH in it.

Show your DC what boundaries and self respect looks like.

Lemonadeand · 07/09/2024 09:06

So he could find money for strippers and cocaine but not for your son’s birthday? Absolute low life. Stop lending him money.

opinwea · 07/09/2024 09:15

So crap with money
Unfaithful
Doesn't prioritise your child

Seems like he has no redeeming features and you've been foolish to take him back

Cherrysoup · 07/09/2024 09:18

Sounds like a very uneven relationship. You keep him afloat financially because he can’t (won’t) budget and he spends himoney on strippers and drugs?! Bloody hell! I bet you do absolutely everything for your dc, too?

Noseybookworm · 07/09/2024 09:21

What on earth are you doing with this absolute waste of space OP? You and your son deserve better.

Michellebops · 07/09/2024 09:24

This title of your subject is the least of your worries.

He's draining you and your finances cheating you and your family from happiness.

Boot him out. He doesn't deserve you

OhWell45 · 07/09/2024 09:26

Just leave him FFS. He spent his money on strippers and coke and you're lending him money and paying for your 13 year olds birthday because he can't afford it. You are financing him getting his willy wet and shoving shit up his nose.

LIZS · 07/09/2024 09:27

So you keeping him afloat funds sex workers and drugs? No wonder he cannot contribute to birthdays etc.

PolePrince55 · 07/09/2024 09:32

Why did you expect him to? The person you described isn't the same person that would contribute.
He doesn't love you or want to be there he told you by his actions.
You sound lovely, move on from him.

ObliviousCoalmine · 07/09/2024 09:34

then decided to give him another chance.

Why?

ActualChips · 07/09/2024 09:35

The man told you he was scum in July, the sex worker using druggie already cheated on you with a work colleague. It doesn't get any more scummy.
Get the dirt bag away from your kids.

edwinbear · 07/09/2024 09:40

I voted YABU because you’ve seemingly accepted the strippers/cocaine bit. It’s not surprising he doesn’t have any cash for his son’s birthday if those are his priorities in life.

diddl · 07/09/2024 09:49

You can still move on!

What do you love about him?

Or is it more thinking of how he could/should be??

Nanny0gg · 07/09/2024 09:53

So he's spent the money on drugs and sex rather than his family and you've forgiven him?

Sorry, this is down to you. Why is he still there?

Naunet · 07/09/2024 09:55

What are you getting out of this relationship with a lowlife waster? Seriously, what need of yours does he fulfil? Are you scared to be single? Examine why you’re tolerating this, and what happened to your self esteem.

ReadingWorm · 07/09/2024 10:10

My husband also recently cheated on me with strippers and was taking cocaine.

You seem more annoyed that he didn’t buy a balloon for a 13 year old lad than the cocaine!

Hyperbowl · 07/09/2024 10:11

I voted YABU to be with this dickhead and allow your children to think this is an acceptable way to treat people or be treated by people.

Kelly51 · 07/09/2024 10:13

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LittleGreenDragons · 07/09/2024 10:15

I threw him out for 3 weeks then decided to give him another chance.

That is where you went spectacularly wrong. I suggest you rectify that mistake immediately. Throw him out and don't let him back in, no matter what he promises, begs, threatens.

stripybobblehat · 07/09/2024 10:16

My husband also recently cheated on me with strippers and was taking cocaine

Ltb

strawberryandtomato · 07/09/2024 10:16

PinkyFlamingo · 07/09/2024 05:07

Thankfully no. I will never understand why women stay with men like this. Is your self esteem so low you stay with this abusive cheat?

What a c**ty reply. Ignorant much.
Lucky you for never being in this situation

SantasRubiksCube · 07/09/2024 10:17

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ncforcatquestion · 07/09/2024 10:47

Just thinking maybe he has no money because he is still using cocaine

3LemonsAndLime · 07/09/2024 10:50

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