Wedding cash gift - help how much please

[Weddinghappeningsoon]

Attending whole thing. Myself, DH, 10yr old and baby.

The bride and I know eachother basically as school mums. This summer is the first time we've seen eachother outside of school and it was only to take the kids to a park - twice.

So how much would you give? £50 £75 £100?

Shamelessly posting for traffic as it's very soon.
Tried a Google and search on here but loads of answers and circumstances not really covered so trying my own.
Google brought up a page with an online calculator that said £50 - £75 when I put our relationship as friends, but £100 as acquaintances. Which seems backwards to me.
Thanks.

Yes agree it’s great to help support and show consideration in a thoughtful and respectful way

You can show respect and consideration with any gift. It's not quid pro quo.

Some people on here sound genuinely offended that some people want to cover the cost of their meal as a gift 🤣 it's OK if you don't want to do that, it's also OK if you do!

I would be offended if someone decided how much to give me based on that. I've invited them, I wanted to pay for them. Trying to pay me back for that is pretty rude and feels like throwing it back in my face.

I'm confused why you would be offended at someone giving you a gift?

I'd say £50

I think usually it's meant to be polite to try and cover the cost of your meal but frankly this invite seems so bizarre I think any more than £50 would be weird

You don't tell them that's what you're doing.

Because if it's based on a calculation of what I've spent it's not a gift, it's a payment. And that's just icky.

You don't tell them! You just go.. ah its posh so it's going to be like £100 for 2 of us roughly and give that.

Still wouldn't cross my mind to think even vaguely how much had been spent on me and I hope nobody thought that about us. I would give the same for someone who only had enough themselves to buy us a hotdog in a field as someone who paid for 5 courses at a 5 star hotel. I'm not grading my ability to be generous on their ability to pay for me.

It's more you don't want them to be out of pocket because of inviting you. And you can still give hot dog person more. Its just at least as much as it costs to feed you

£100 at least

Why not? I was plenty out of pocket after our wedding. Because we chose to invite people and to pay for them. So bizarre that anyone would be thinking about paying me back. They were invited because we wanted to pay for them.

Same for any event we invite people to or are invited to. The mental invoicing of it is weird.

This is an odd idea...of course if you are having a wedding you'll be out of pocket! The aim isn't to make a profit or break even.

I know! Strange approach!

Of course they will be out of pocket because there's more than just a meal to pay for! Where I'm from it's fairly common for everyone to try cover the cost of their meal. It was never once crossed my mind that giving a substantial monetary gift would offend a bride and groom. Any wedding I've been to the B&G have just been appreciative of it! 🙈

And I was hugely appreciative of the John Lewis vouchers people bought us in any amount. But if I thought their decision about how much was based on how much they thought I'd spent on them, as opposed to how much they could afford and just how much they fancied spending I'd be really uncomfortable.

I'd be careful with what you're sharing. She's invited you and your family to her wedding, an important day for her. If she reads this she's going to know you think it's weird and it could change the whole dynamic of the wedding for her, assuming she's invited a few acquaintances. Perhaps she hasn't got lots of friends.

Either way, be careful and kind. No need to be emphasising the fact that you find it weird or surprising etc. A simple 'we're new friends' is sufficient. Imagine inviting someone, they say yes, then reading this ☹️

You didn't have to say yes. As you did, do it kindly and graciously.

Fwiw, I think I'd give somewhere between. £75 and £100. I'd have given £50 a few years ago but we weren't as comfortable and inflation hadn't taken off in the same way.

Just give what you feel is appropriate and don't think about it again.

We usually give £100 if we're going all day and £50 if going to the reception

Minimum £75 per adult for a friend and if a close relative then £100 each.

No guest should have to 'earn' their invite to a wedding by repaying the host in ££s! This is a bit silly and I disagree. People should host the wedding they can afford and invite who they want to. No one should expect anything back in return.

Plus, of course they're "out of pocket" - they're hosting a wedding! Their choice.

That's not how it works.

Guests have no obligation to help finance a couple's wedding choices.
The idea that you should 'cover your plate' is ridiculous.

I think modern wedding expectations, all driven by Instgram, are crazy. People seem to have been brainwashed into thinking they need to contribute to the cost of the wedding, rather than just give a gift they personally can afford and feel reflects their closeness to the couple.

Why don't couples with very grand wedding plans just ditch the idea of presents completely, and charge an admission fee to their wedding? That's what it amounts to sometimes!