To struggle with his scalp psoriasis? (attraction)

[VioletW]

My partner has scalp psoriasis and I noticed it on the first date. Obviously, the rest outweighed that issue as here we are.

But a year later it does bother me at times. Some days it isn't noticeable and others it is really bad and flaky, and I have to be honest, looks gross.

Ive spoken to him about treatment and he dismissed it, saying he tried once and it's pointless. Also 'I don't care, I'm not trying to win beauty contests"

But he does have head and shoulders in the bathroom and uses it, so he must care a bit. Am I being very shallow?

I have it , but mines under control at the minute . Anything I ever got from doctor never worked. I changed shampoo to alfa parf semi di lino dandruff shampoo , it changed my life I know it won't work for everyone but I've been using it the last few years and it's still working . Head and shoulders won't help

He shouldn't use dandruff shampoo Cocois ointment massaged into the scalp is good initially a couple of times a week then drop it down, my daughter was so bad it went into ear canal and caused infections she was in hospital now we do a treatment once a month.

H&S is the wrong kind of shampoo for psoriasis. He needs actual coal tar shampoo like T Gel, or I found the Dead Sea range very effective. I grew out of scalp psoriasis around 30 and tried many things!

I’ve been plagued with flaky scalp - nobody could come to a consensus on the cause but I was treated for eczema and psoriasis at various times - for more than half my life and I’ve found MooGoo shampoo, conditioner and (to start with) scalp cream brilliant. Cleared up for the first time in at least 35 years and my hair is in good condition too. It’s made using milk products so no good if that’s an allergen for him though.

Exactly what @brimfulofpacha

You’re really failing to understand your partner’s auto immune condition. Psoriasis is not dandruff, is not eczema and many things people suggest - t gel, coal tar - just don’t shift it for lots of people.

For me the only thing that has provided some short term relief is being prescribed steroid treatments. But these become less effective over time and shouldn’t be used long term. A consultant also put me on immuno suppressants for a while - which come with other issues.

I loathe having such a visible, ugly condition and would be devastated if my partner talked about me like this. If my partner raised it as you have done I’d probably respond the same way as after years of trying various things to no effect. It’s horrible to live with.

If you can’t bear to be around him then of course you should leave, but please don’t tell him this is the reason. Believe me - people with skin conditions already suffer badly with self esteem.

Jesus OP, have a bit of awareness, you’re posting on a thread where people have been sharing their experiences of living with this awful condition and the impact it has on them and - having already said how distasteful you find it - youre now adding it turns your stomach? This thread has really upset me.

Well my anecdata is my Grandad was covered in psoriasis, died age 93.

My dermatologist prescribed me eumovate and dovobet for flare ups, steroid creams do work but it always comes back.

I have it and when it flares up it's awful. Medicated lotion on prescription is the only thing that works for me.

Cocois ointment massaged into the scalp is good initially a couple of times a week then drop it down

This works quite well for me too.

I need to restart that regime, as I am currently flaking really badly.
I do it in fits and starts.

Nothing has ever worked for my scalp psoriasis, various prescriptions via gp tried over the years. Your dp has probably already tried everything and like a lot of us has accepted that when he flares, the only thing to improve it is time. Thankfully, mine has never been really bad but if it had ‘turned a boyfriend or partners stomach’, they’d have been free to walk away- and honestly, I’d have seen it as no great loss 😂.

Seconded. I have it and my ears bleed at work some days, it’s horrible.

I’m glad when I developed it DH didn’t leave, I felt horrible and at times suicidal when it came on my face. But if you want to end the relationship, you can for any reason. Just please don’t tell him it’s because you find his psoriasis gross.

I’m jealous. Cocoise makes my hair so greasy for days after.

I have very severe psoriasis (I am a study at my local r&d lab)
I have a very supportive partner who has lived through the mess, the blood and the rest of it.
But he is happy to do this.
If you are not then don't.
His way of treating it is his way and you cannot force him to do something else that he doesn't want to do.
The treatments for psoriasis are not apply topical cream for 10 mins and your cured. It's a lifelong thing - it will come and go as he goes through life. He could in theory develop it in other parts of his body- do you think you could deal with that?
I'm not gonna berate you for saying you can't deal with it but it is a lifelong condition that may not ever get better. You need to consider this for the next steps.

I've had scalp psoriasis for years (20+) but have managed to clear it. I was using alphosyl shampoo as I found it better than t gel although think it's discontinued now. I also regularly used Betnovate sxalp
Solution. I just had a bad flare up (after being clear for a year) but regularly using coal tar shampoo and the betnovate it's on its way out again. Also get him to improve his diet and gut health and eating kefir and drinking kombucha

My ex had this. It was the best thing about him but then I definitely belong in the sporners corner!

I have psoriasis, so mild at present I have no treatment (and it's a long time since I had a flare up)

Dandruff shampoos don't work and might be counterproductive.

Coal tar preparations might work - try Alphosyl shampoo, if he hasn't already, or Polytar. The Dermalex range might be worth a whirl too.

But the best course of action is to get him to see a GP for a review and see if there are any prescriptions they think would help. Betnovate is the standard first line (there is a version for scalp, so you don't have to try to rub sticky cream through your hair - but the cream is better for round the ears). And there's Dovonex, which is I think vitamin D based.

Anti-inflammatory diets are meant to help as well, as does sunlight (without burning) though of course that's a bit difficult to achieve through hair and Dead Sea salts (bathing in the Dead Sea itself might be an idea for a holiday?)

But I rather agree with those posters who think this might be the start of you seeing him in a new and less favourable way. He can't help having psoriasis, and it can be hit and miss to find ways to manage it. He's the same man, just a bit scurfier - is it the scurf or is it him that's the issue?

I have this too. I keep TGel and also Capasan (at the pharmacy) in my bathroom and use then every so often for itchiness. Doesnt cure the bloody flakes tho, embarrassing 🙈

This! Psoriasis is so much more than just flakey skin! He needs to see a dermatologist before it gets worse and ends as a cocktail of related autoimmune conditions

After a childhood of being bullied and called a leper for my face and scalp (and everywhere else) psoriasis it makes me a little bit sick that you, an adult, still has this mentality.

End it. Let him find someone who loves him and is not as shallow.

I've suffered with Psorasis and scalp polarises for 30 years, more recently Psoriatic arthritis too, ask him to try Alphosyl shampoo you can get it over the counter or prescription it worked for me and actually smells really clean

Good for him! Did he smoke 40 a day and have a pint of whisky before bed? 🤦‍♀️ Many, MANY more people who have this chronic condition have proper issues.

I have psoriasis, including scalp psoriasis. I struggle more with the patches on my body, however. I used to use a shampoo called Alphosyl, but it's been discontinued. I instead now use T-Gel, and it's helps a LOT. You can get it easily in pharmacies. Get a bottle and leave it in the bathroom.

You do need to be kinder about it though, it's psoriasis, not leprosy.

My DH has it, he has t-gel for the shower and a steroid gel. I secretly love picking through his hair with a nit comb. He hates it and is super embarrassed by it. You can suggest different treatments but if it’s really grossing you out you need to decide if it’s a deal breaker

There are a lot of treatments for psoriasis before you get to biologics!